OH splashing the cash on his family

SuzieSue

Bennifred wrote: »

Would it be possible for you to sit down together, maybe at the start of the year and do a sort of "overview" of your incomings and outgoings for the year ahead? Maybe that way you could "fix" an amount to be spent on (his) extended family in total for the year. That sum could be put into a separate account (monthly if necessary) so that when it's gone, it's gone. It would also make it more apparent to your OH just how much he is spending, rather than him just paying out willy nilly. Even if the total is more than you personaaly would want to give away, it might puts the brakes on your OH a bit!

Agreed. You really need to set a budget for the gifts to his family (and for everything else for that matter). You seem to be living beyond your means if you have no savings at all and are relying on your overdraft. Until you start to do this, he is never going to spend your money responsibly.

lazer

I think you have to thread quite carefully.

since i have started earning well I have been buying my parent s extravagent presents (Fo Example - a new TV for Christmas last year), it is my way of thanking of them for bringing me up and looking after me for all these years.

I know some families where it is the norm to spend lots on presents.

does your OH have brothers & sisters - do they buy big presents too?

You may buy your parents token gifts - but he doesn't - I think if you can afford it and are not in need then it is a nice gesture to your parents to buy good presents to show your appreciation.

OP - Can you afford it?

Do you feel as if you are missing out on things because of this money?

Talk it through with your husband, and posibly set limits etc, but be willing to discuss it if he wants to spend over the limit on something they will love!

Does your OH buy expensive presents for you and your daughter too?

Make-it-3

I can see a presents budget being very practical, but OH is not really a planner, he thinks he works hard and deserves to spend his money as and when he wishes.

I have never known any of this brothers & sisters buy any large gifts for parents, us, or anyone else in the family. I don't think we even got wedding gifts from any of them. But as I say, its not about tit for tat. I'd rather people didn't waste money on buying things that I don't really need.

OH doesn't get me birthday/anniversary etc gifts and our daughter has only had one birthday so far (he bought her a party dress). But that's fine with me.

I'm realising from other posts here, that its probably me who is the odd one out. I shall go quietly and figure out how we can cut back to pay this one off.

Bennifred

Make-it-3 wrote: »

I can see a presents budget being very practical, but OH is not really a planner, he thinks he works hard and deserves to spend his money as and when he wishes.

I have never known any of this brothers & sisters buy any large gifts for parents, us, or anyone else in the family. I don't think we even got wedding gifts from any of them. But as I say, its not about tit for tat. I'd rather people didn't waste money on buying things that I don't really need.

OH doesn't get me birthday/anniversary etc gifts and our daughter has only had one birthday so far (he bought her a party dress). But that's fine with me.

I'm realising from other posts here, that its probably me who is the odd one out. I shall go quietly and figure out how we can cut back to pay this one off.

Not at all! I wouldn't be happy in your shoes, either! Mainly because I wouldn't be happy if my OH was unilaterally deciding to spend so freely - a marriage is a partnership. But especially because it doesn't sound as if you cannot easily afford to be giving your money away in this fashion. You shouldn't be have to rely on your overdraft, and have no savings. What would happen if YOU started giving away the sort of sums he is??
Also it isn't "his" money - it's belongs to both of you. As to him "not being a planner", well that definitely needs addressing. He has a wife and daughter to look after, they should be his prime focus, and that means planning!

newcook

What?! He doesn’t get you or your daughter presents and lets you live on the breadline because he is chucking expensive gifts and money at his family?!!!

I would be telling him that from the new year that you will be having your own savings accounts and that if he wants to give his family money then it can come from his savings as you have a house to run, a daughter to feed and clothe and bills to pay as well as wanting your own little treats.
If he doesn’t like that idea I would tell him to jog on and that he can add you to his list of people to give money to – by way of CSA payments!

SuzieSue

newcook wrote: »

What?! He doesn’t get you or your daughter presents and lets you live on the breadline because he is chucking expensive gifts and money at his family?!!!

I would be telling him that from the new year that you will be having your own savings accounts and that if he wants to give his family money then it can come from his savings as you have a house to run, a daughter to feed and clothe and bills to pay as well as wanting your own little treats.
If he doesn’t like that idea I would tell him to jog on and that he can add you to his list of people to give money to – by way of CSA payments!

I agree with this. If my husband did this I would seriously consider divorce if he wouldn't change his ways.

SuzieSue

Make-it-3 wrote: »

I'm realising from other posts here, that its probably me who is the odd one out. I shall go quietly and figure out how we can cut back to pay this one off.

I don't know how you have come to this conclusion. Only a couple of posters have agreed with what your OH is doing and one or two others have said that they are generous to their mothers but not to their extended family.

Make-it-3

How things get twisted. I now feel I need to log back on to defend my OH! Newcook, if you read previous postings I said he bought my daughter a party dress for her birthday last year. He doesn't get me anything because he knows I'd rather the money went to a practical use.

We aren't on the breadline, because I look after the finances and try to be as MSE as possible. But we can't just spend £500 without it being budgeted for.

SuzieSue

Make-it-3 wrote: »

How things get twisted. I now feel I need to log back on to defend my OH! Newcook, if you read previous postings I said he bought my daughter a party dress for her birthday last year. He doesn't get me anything because he knows I'd rather the money went to a practical use.

We aren't on the breadline, because I look after the finances and try to be as MSE as possible. But we can't just spend £500 without it being budgeted for.

Well, I've met a lot of men just like your OH and I would never have married them because I don't like people who flaunt their money and have to prove how rich and successful they are.

You have married someone like that and unless he will listen to you and change his ways, there is little you can do about it.

newcook

Make-it-3 wrote: »

How things get twisted. I now feel I need to log back on to defend my OH! Newcook, if you read previous postings I said he bought my daughter a party dress for her birthday last year. He doesn't get me anything because he knows I'd rather the money went to a practical use.

We aren't on the breadline, because I look after the finances and try to be as MSE as possible. But we can't just spend £500 without it being budgeted for.

But you are living in your overdraft with no savings while your hubby doesn’t seem to care that the only reason you aren’t living on bread and beans is because you are careful, you budget and you are MSE – but (to me) he seems to see this as more spare money to give his family.

so he got your daughter a party dress for her birthday – great, did he take you both somewhere nice to celebrate so she could show off her pretty dress on her very first birthday?

You say that you would rather the money went towards bills than presents which although is very MSE, if your OH wasn’t giving/spending money on others you would be able to pay the bills and have a little present!

I didn’t have much growing up either and I am similar in that I get my family small presents at Christmas and birthdays but I would be more than p!ssed off if I had an OH who was happy to see his wife and child go without so he could ‘show off’ to others with no thought whatsoever (apart from I’ll tell her later).