how to say no?

meritaten

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

why doesnt honesty pay in these situations?

i always said i dont want to go, i dont want to spend money i cant really afford to spend.

those ask and get lied to with a poor reply such as i have to go to another engagement seem to be let off as if its satisfactory, but yet say you dont want to and you offend? WHY? its the truth why cant that be respected instead of being lied to?

because people get offended Atrix! they take it personally! and think you do not want to be with them!
its a 'white lie'! I am sure I have explained that to you in the dim and distant past!:)

mountainofdebt

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

why doesnt honesty pay in these situations?

Because saying I'd rather poke out both eyes with a rusty nail and then eat them than go out with you often offends

krlyr

I have a dog with separation anxiety I can share if people want. She is actually a lot better nowadays but I don't tend to brag about it as she makes a fantastic excuse to be antisocial, a "Sorry, can't arrange a dogsitter" works wonders!

red_devil

thanks shall have to become more practiced (sp) dosent happen often but need to prepare.

Gra76

I find having 3 kids and living nearly 20 miles from work provides a ton of fantastic excuses to miss out on anything related to work nights out. There's always a prior engagement or a parent/teacher night to go to.

SandC

I don't elaborate any more. Just a simple 'sorry but I can't' or 'sorry but I have something else on' suffices for me.

They are not to know that 'something else' is actually getting into my pjs the minute I get in from work and opening a bottle of wine.

A particular fave from Rachel in Friends 'Oh I'm sorry but I have plans to walk around'.

maryleerk06

I agree with the others on this. You don't need to justify why you wont be going....just decline and tell them you have other arrangements etc.

I always use a family commitments as an excuse then people don't tend to probe too much on the reason.

LameWolf

I use honesty: "Thank you for the thought, but I'm really uncomfortable in social situations." I tend not to get invited anywhere in any case, since needing a wheelchair.:o

atrixblue.-MFR-.

no i'm not saying that i'd rather not go with them.

the truth be told is that you havent the money.

i'd respect one person if they say i'd rather not go because i cant afford it, than be told a random lie because that would lead me to think what other lies have i been told.

the problem i have is i dont understand how the truth offends people.

pukkamum

I've just had to tell my sister that I won't be attending her 40th birthday meal, it didn't go well.
My reasons were
a) It is a set menu at £58.50 PER HEAD NOT INCLUDING DRINKS!
b) Only I could go due to no babysitter.
c) It is miles away so I would have to drive there and back on my own.
d) She i s having a family do the next day that we will be attending that will cost £20 in petrol to get to.
e) The amount it would cost me is equal to one of my 3 kids xmas budget.
f) I pretty much hate all the people attending (London yuppie types)

This has led to open warfare on my sisters side with phonecalls to my mum complaining about my lack of sisterly duty??
Offers to pay half (this has been done before but never again after she announced to the table she was doing so).

I have told her outright I am not going because of money but I am still the bad guy!