just after opinions and a moan! am i being unfair being annoyed at husband?

loulou123

Am I being unfair being pretty annoyed over following situation...

Me and husband went to a rock concert last night, with 2 of his work mates (who I had never met before) I love this sort of thing, but I was abit nervous of 1 of the bands as their crowds are known to be fairly "aggressive." Hubby was aware of this.

Anyway half way through this bands set, I needed a wee, hubby said he didn't want to miss the music, so I went off reluctantly by myself damning my bladder on the way!

When I tried to re enter the concert, the crowd was really worked up and I couldn't find them, so I stood at the back, waiting for the crowd to calm down.

30 mins later, the band went off stage and I made my way back to them, my hubby was oblivious to fact I'd been gone for nearly 45 mins and when I asked him where his friend was he said "he was worried about you, so went off to look!" Apparently his mate had got really worried as the crowd was kicking off and my hubby (this is what husband told me!) Had told him "she'll be fine and will make it back eventually!"

Can't believe a man I barely knew came looking and husband didn't! And that he wasn't remotely concerned and even tried to talk his friend out of looking for me.

Am I petty for feeling really annoyed about this?

NoAngel

You're right to be annoyed but to be honest you'll probably forget about it pretty soon. It's the sort for thing my DH would do (probably has done exactly the same!). I don't think he means to be uncaring, more is just oblivious sometimes!

aileth

I would have been absolutely fuming personally and I'd have let him know! As NoAngel says though I don't think it's that he doesn't care, I think he was just very thick-headed!! Once my OH gets 'into' something, I could be being savaged by wild dogs in the other room and he wouldn't check where I was hours later!

Idiophreak

loulou123 wrote: »

Am I petty for feeling really annoyed about this?

Really annoyed? Yeah, probably.

A little irked is understandable, but really annoyed seems a bit OTT.

At the end of the day, your hubby was right - you were fine...and yes, I know it would have been nice for him to take an interest in your whereabouts or welfare...but he was watching the music...you know us men can only do one thing at a time.

If I were in his shoes, I'd be expecting a fairly cold shoulder on the way home...but I'd be surprised if you were still worked up about it the next day.

And it doesn't sound like you broke your back trying to find him, either...he could have been beaten, taken to hospital or anything...but you didn't spend the whole time trying to find him...you took a look, then stood at the back and thought "he's probably at the front somewhere moshing aboot"...meanwhile, he was moshing aboot and thought "she's probably stood at the back somewhere, afraid to mosh aboot"...as it turns out, you were both right not to be overly concerned about each other.

People get separated at these things, but they don't often hold grudges about it.

VestanPance

I have to be honest as someone who has been to far too many rock gigs I wouldn't have been concerned. I would have wondered where you'd gotten too, but to me gigs are a safe environment and I've spent many a happy hour in a mosh pit, so thought's of you feeling unsafe wouldn't have occurred unless you'd said that you felt scared by the environment.

You went off to the ladies room. I mean do you think he'd be going in there looking for you? :eek:

Idiophreak

VestanPance wrote: »

I would have wondered where you'd gotten too, but to me gigs are a safe environment and I've spent many a happy hour in a mosh pit, so thought's of you feeling unsafe wouldn't have occurred unless you'd said that you felt scared by the environment.

To be fair, OP told her hubby she was nervous about it....

dragonette

As much as gigs usually feel safe to me (industrial/thrash/death/black metal etc. so I completely understand about the aggressive crowds), if my OH didn't mind that I was missing for 45 mins i'd be livid. Nothing to do with not being safe but more feeling neglected or unnecessary.

And if it was somewhere I was nervous or unsure of myself, he would make sure I could get back to him. If not, well there would be more than a cold shoulder for the journey home. More like a solitary journey home

Prob worth agreeing with him in advance about pushing bk through crowds etc - it sometimes isn't possible whether you're nervous or not!

Hermia

I suppose I might have felt a bit miffed, but I also wouldn't have expected him to miss the concert. I would have just waited at the back of the venue like you did. When I go to the theatre/concerts with friends the assumption is that if someone needs to pop out to the loo and can't back to where we are we will meet up afterwards.

loulou123

Thanks all

It was a death metal/thrash metal band and although i love my rock/metal music and going to concerts i was a bit nervous about this one and he knew it.

Now ive calmed down, i think he just didnt realise how bad the crowd was (hes only been to 2 concerts) whereas his friend has been to 100s, so maybe his friend was just more aware.

There was NO point in me trying to find him, as i am short and had about 2000 people (mostly men) between me and him all jumping up and down and punching each other! So i basicially had no chance - the crowd had got a lot more excited whilst i was gone. We had agreed if we got seperated i would wait at the bar (where i was) but husband made no attempt to come and find me even between the bands!

I think i am over reacting a bit, but i think its just because his friend seemed so concerned and hubby not at all, that i thought it was abit nasty of him.

Bazey

Have you thought about divorcing him and getting with his work mate. He sounds like a keeper.

bloghog

I would have been annoyed, if we go to a busy venue where we may get separated we arrange a meeting point or call each other on a mobile. Only you can gauge how annoyed to be though