Counting cash etiquette

ScottyJ

Had a situation occur today that caused a bit of a rift between the wife and I and just wondered about other people's thoughts on it. We're from different countries and have different views on many things but today I couldn't decide if what happened was just a difference of opinions or rudeness/poor etiquette or if I'm just being too uptight!

We had some friends staying for the weekend and while chatting this morning my wife randomly changed subject to talking about how she'd been saving for an iPad and dashed off to the next room coming back with her savings jar and emptying it out. Meanwhile the rest of us continued our other topic of conversation while trying to juggle entertaining a couple of toddlers. She counted out all the cash in front of us and told us how much she had, throughout which our guests didn't particularly show much interest. I was guilty of giving her a dirty look that led to a bad tempered discussion later.

You see, I was really taken aback as I've always been of the mind that you don't count your cash in front of other people, just like you don't ask how much someone earns, however, she has polar opposite views on both of these and will have no hesitation on asking someone's salary if they've just got a new job etc. I'm not sure who/when I was given 'the rules' about money etiquette, I just remember it as always so, however, I wonder if I'm being too old fashioned and times have changed, or is she being a bit crass in her mannerisms....?

I couldn't tell if our guests were taken aback by it as well as they didn't engage with her ipad talk, or if they were just preoccupied with the kids. Would you be uncomfortable in their position?

Your thoughts appreciated!

browneyedbazzi

I'd find it really odd for someone to start counting out their savings jar in front of me...unless it was a family member or my best friend and it was in the context of a discussion about something particular. Was she hoping that someone would offer a contribution towards her savings? Or was it some kind of not so subtle hint at what she wants for Christmas?

I wouldn't find counting money in front of people rude (unless it's done in a showy-off 'look what I have that you don't' sort of way) but I would find it strange. The bit about randomly changing the subject does strike me as rude though!

armchairexpert

I wouldn't find counting the cash rude, just...odd. Frankly, I don't care enough about anyone's savings to sit there for ages while they laboriously count out a savings' jar. "I'm about halfway there" is enough information for the subject, let's move on.

Asking about someone's salary, unless it's one's best friend and that is the norm, is definitely rude.

sparrer

I think it was a very strange thing to do, and a little inconsiderate. The guests may have appeared not to have noticed from politeness, showing their good manners. I was brought up to never talk about finance, religion or politics outside the immediate family, all of which are very personal subjects and could lead to misunderstandings, or worse, unpleasantness.

Agree with beb re the changing of subject, which is definitely bad mannered.

Miss_Havisham

my late Dad was from eastern Europe and had similar ways to your wife. If we ever realised that people felt uncomfortable or annoyed, we kids and Mum used to laugh and make a joke about "foreigners" (in a caring way of course, he was so funny).

I wouldn't worry about the counting but I would suggest to her that it's very rude to ask about salaries !

Fire_Fox

If that is the biggest issue in your relationship, you are a lucky man. Maybe refrain from describing your wife as crass and rude, IMO that is far more hurtful than any minor faux pas.

Seanymph

I think if you have a cross cultural relationship then understanding has to travel both ways.

She has obviously explained that to her this isn't rude.

Your 'social rules' don't 'trump' her 'social rules'. Not everyone has to be educated into englishness.

Maybe point out gently that for close friends who are staying such a display might make them feel slightly awkward and leave it at that.

Calling your wife names however and throwing dirty looks really IS rude.

burnoutbabe

i think its more an odd, boring thing to do when guests are there, something a child would do?

Salary discussions between mates are fine. I am not sure why all the secrecy, that's how people get to know they are being underpaid and should look elsewhere. Of course people do not have to say at all what they earn, but I don't mind sharing mine with friends, colleagues in same industry.

barbarawright

I wouldn't find it offensive to talk about cash (I mentioned to people that I cleared out my coin jar recently and how much was in it) but it's a rather dull thing to do at a dinner party. But no worse than showing holiday photos and at least the guests didn't actually have to pay attention. But I don't see a real problem

NoAngel

I think it depends on how close the friends are - I'd discuss money / salary a little more with our very closet friends. I'd probably also find it odd if someone actually counted the money out, but not if they just spoke about saving for an iPad. I doubt your friends thought very much of it from the sounds of things and can't imagine it would actually have offended them.

Sambucus_Nigra

I think you are being a little uptight.

You knew that your wife had different cultural etiquettes and as such, how was she to know that this was 'not the done thing' until she got the dirty look?

I was brought up and taught things in Canada that many people found strange over here and went through several bad experiences [mainly from teachers] and quite frankly - do some things now sometimes just to annoy the stiff upper lippers over here.

A tad ignorant on your part to throw her a dirty look to be honest.