Child being 'punished' for a choice I made

Sally_A

Junior school swim teachers are often 4 years + out of date with their methods, we often said they shouldn't be called Swimming Lessons, but Not Drowning Lessons.

Schools have the task of making children water confident, with the ability to swim to the edge, although I doubt this, as they don't seem to teach strong swimming.

My daughters junior school appreciated that she'd done all the basics by the age of 5, and swum over a mile at the age of 9, so rather than exclude her, she was used to teach others, as she was allowed in the water with the kiddies, whereas the teachers were not.

Maybe your son could be included by helping out in the water.

She enjoyed helping the others along, to get to a basic level, whereas she was streets ahead by attending the local club and getting in the squad.

Perhaps you son's school should realise they have a real asset there, and ask him to help out in the water.

Total aside, annual club swimming lessons here are about £140 a year, and with that you get a chance to swim twice a week (excluding a few weeks over summer, and Christmas). Squad members get 3 lessons a week, often 1hr to 1.5 hours per session, for around £420, this includes all transport to galas etc.
All the teachers and coaches are volunteers, OH is a coach/teacher - he moans about it week after week, but I know he loves it really when he gets the thank you letters and Christmas cards from the pupils and their families.

Having seen the annual accounts, the amount the local council charges for pool hire is immoral, and that is where the money goes. We get the government stating all kids should get swimming lessons, and then they charge £loads per lane hire.

poet123

I thought you had stopped his swimming lessons originally because others were getting a subsidy and you disagreed with it? You had a long thread on it I seem to remember, or am I mistaken? I just wondered if there is more to this than there seems?

duchy

It seems it is you who thinks it is a punishment and if you treat it as such then so will your son.

If you explain to your son that he swims at club level which is a different standard and that it wouldn't be fair on the other kids to compete against club swimmers he won't feel excluded (but actually a little superior) and his feelings won't be hurt.

Frankly I wouldn't want a kid of mine swimming for a school (and earning them kudos) with an ethos I didn't agree with anyway.

Fire_Fox

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

I dont know how they pick the teams but I presume its by using the best swimmers.

They allow you to send trophies and medals won outside school to be given out in assemblies, as he gets something almost every week, I would hope that they would notice he is quite good !

So then your son is being given a chance to shine and the other pupils are well aware he is talented?

pollys

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

If there were a decent after school swimming club then he would go to it.

You have decided that the school does not offer coaching of a high enough standard for your talented son. You have withdrawn him from school swimming lessons.

IMO you cannot now expect him to be selected for a swimming gala organized for children who attend school swimming lessons.

Pollys

barbarawright

If your son doesn't swim in school classes, how can you be sure he's the best swimmer? Presumably he doesn't take part in trials?

3v3

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

..... I know that my son would be devastated if he were not picked for the team, he loves swimming.

Then this is an ideal opportunity for you, his parent, to educate him that life is not always "fair", we cannot always have it our own way, and to react to every life setback with a response of devastation can only lead to a miserable, unbalanced life ahead of him.

I do get quite irked by the over use, by parents, of the word "devasted". Disappointed, perhaps, but really .... devasted?

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

Im sure it wouldnt kill him, but he is not exactly the 'brightest button in the box' if you know what I mean, he excels at sport and he likes to do well in it.

Sure, he would get over it, but I would be willing to bet money on that he is the best swimmer in the school, it would be his time to shine at school!

If his swimming is strong and something he excels at, then he will find other opportunities to shine. Equally, while he may well be the best swimmer in his school (by your own admission, it is a small one ) ... that doesn't equate to being the best swimmer overall in competitions. So, would he be equally devastated if he entered a competition and didn't win because he wasn't the "best" in that competition?

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

....
They allow you to send trophies and medals won outside school to be given out in assemblies, as he gets something almost every week ....

Well that's great!! It proves he is indeed getting his opportunity to shine at school :T Even though he is achieving it outside the school, it is still being celebrated within the school and among his peers

Unfortunately, and I'm quite sure it is not your intention, but it is coming across that it is *you* who would be *devastated* by him not participating and yet, it is you who made that decision.

You made that decision; you are standing by it; but time for you to also realise that you cannot have your cake and eat it too - life isn't fair. I have no doubt you are very disappointed but how you handle this will be picked up on by your son.

If he isn't the "brightest button in the box", I would suggest you refocus your energy to giving him extra support in his school work because even if he is the fastest swimmer in the world, he will need other skills to back him up in his long term future when swimming may not be an option.

Lifeisbutadream

fedupnow wrote: »

Your opening post asked for thoughts on how you should handle this.

My opinion is that this is your chance to explain to your son that he can't have it both ways. He doesn't want to attend the lessons, he can't swim in the gala. End of. They cannot, at least they should not, re-write the rules for one child.

Do you not think it is strange that they rang me specifically to tell me this though?

It would be interesting to see whether they have rung all the parents who children dont attend school swimming lessons.

I have a meeting with the head later today, I will be asking her that question!

Lifeisbutadream

pollys wrote: »

You have decided that the school does not offer coaching of a high enough standard for your talented son. You have withdrawn him from school swimming lessons.

IMO you cannot now expect him to be selected for a swimming gala organized for children who attend school swimming lessons.

Pollys

Actually they are galas to represent the school, not 'for children who attend swimming lessons'

Lifeisbutadream

Fire_Fox wrote: »

So then your son is being given a chance to shine and the other pupils are well aware he is talented?

But not representing his school though ! they are individual galas