Child being 'punished' for a choice I made

Fire_Fox

Could you write to the headteacher, say that you would like your son to swim with the school. But could your bring in a letter from his coach so that the teachers and coach are on the same page as your son found the different techniques confusing before? Or maybe his coach could speak to the teacher by telephone? I can see why you think they are being awkward but I can also see why they could view you as being awkward, wanting special treatment for your son and for him to bypass the normal selection process because he is talented.

It might be upsetting for other swimmers to have your son 'swan in' and get a place in the gala. School sports shouldn't all be about winning but about committing to the training and being part of a team - that is a life lesson. Appreciate your son is doing that elsewhere but other school children may not understand that. Kids are not stupid, they see who has and has not brought swimming kit, discuss what happened in swimming class this week or speak to each other and realise your son is not in either group.

rpc

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

Its a small enough school for them to know my son as an individual and know how well he swims.

They've seen him swim in the past, but how do they know what he is like now? I wouldn't pick someone for a team without having something recent to base my decision on. It's just asking for trouble.

You also didn't answer the question I asked - how do they pick teams?

If you want to work this out, you need to understand their position and what motivates it. If they are being bloody-minded or just plain stupid then you can tackle that, but there may be other reasons and it doesn't sound like you fully understand them. Before you stand a chance of getting them to understand your argument, you need to understand theirs. Then, you can work out how to make them see your point of view.

pollys

Not swimming - but at our school children are only picked for the football/netball teams who commit to the after achool training. There are talented children who play for teams at the weekend, who don't attend the schools training, but they are not chosen for the schools teams.

Maybe your sons school has the same policy.

barbarawright

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Could you write to the headteacher, say that you would like your son to swim with the school. But could your bring in a letter from his coach so that the teachers and coach are on the same page as your son found the different techniques confusing before? Or maybe his coach could speak to the teacher by telephone? I can see why you think they are being awkward but I can also see why they could view you as being awkward, wanting special treatment for your son and for him to bypass the normal selection process because he is talented.

It might be upsetting for other swimmers to have your son 'swan in' and get a place in the gala. School sports shouldn't all be about winning but about committing to the training and being part of a team - that is a life lesson. Appreciate your son is doing that elsewhere but other school children may not understand that. Kids are not stupid, they see who has and has not brought swimming kit, discuss what happened in swimming class this week or speak to each other and realise your son is not in either group.

That's a good point especially if there are relays involved.

fedupnow

FBaby wrote: »

Sorry but I'm with the school on this one. The galas are part of the swimming lessons and it wouldn't be fair that pupils can chose to the galas and not the lessons. If you've decided that the lessons were not good for your son, then he has to accept he can't do the galas with the school either. Surely they would expect the same of him during the galas than during the lessons anyway and attending the galas could potentially have the same detrimental effect than the lessons from your reasoning.

I agree.

Op, they aren't making him pay for your decision. They are being fair to the kids who have worked hard for their place. Surely he wouldn't be able to leave the swimming club and still represent them at galas either.

FBaby

I supposed it also then doesn't only stops at swimming, but other sports, music concerts, drama plays etc...

Lifeisbutadream

rpc wrote: »

They've seen him swim in the past, but how do they know what he is like now? I wouldn't pick someone for a team without having something recent to base my decision on. It's just asking for trouble.

You also didn't answer the question I asked - how do they pick teams?

If you want to work this out, you need to understand their position and what motivates it. If they are being bloody-minded or just plain stupid then you can tackle that, but there may be other reasons and it doesn't sound like you fully understand them. Before you stand a chance of getting them to understand your argument, you need to understand theirs. Then, you can work out how to make them see your point of view.

I dont know how they pick the teams but I presume its by using the best swimmers.

They allow you to send trophies and medals won outside school to be given out in assemblies, as he gets something almost every week, I would hope that they would notice he is quite good !

Lifeisbutadream

pollys wrote: »

Not swimming - but at our school children are only picked for the football/netball teams who commit to the after achool training. There are talented children who play for teams at the weekend, who don't attend the schools training, but they are not chosen for the schools teams.

Maybe your sons school has the same policy.

If there were a decent after school swimming club then he would go to it.

fedupnow

Your opening post asked for thoughts on how you should handle this.

My opinion is that this is your chance to explain to your son that he can't have it both ways. He doesn't want to attend the lessons, he can't swim in the gala. End of. They cannot, at least they should not, re-write the rules for one child.

Nicki

Presumably not all of the children who DO swim at school are swimming in the gala? And those who haven't been chosen to represent the school are not being "punished" for not being good swimmers?

Whether or not your child gets upset by this OP will be coloured I think by how you react to it. If it is explained to him that only a few children can take part, and the school has chosen the top x number of children who swim at school, then that is the end of the matter.

Swimming is clearly very important to you, if you have plowed hundreds of pounds into tuition and have chosen to prevent him swimming with the school, rather than have him learn bad habits there. Whilst your child hopefully enjoys it too, he may not completely understand why you withdrew him from the school class, and if this is, as you claim, his only talent at school, he may have welcomed a chance to demonstrate to his peers on a weekly basis that there was an area where he excelled. I would have thought though that if you approach the governors or the head with a demand that he be allowed to compete in the gala for self esteem reasons, they will wonder why it is important for him to be able to display his skills only once in a year rather than regularly.

I have family members who excel at a different sport, and who have made similar decisions for their children in respect of that sport, whilst they were growing up. None of the children, despite the aspirations of the parent, ever reached professional status and they did miss out on a lot of fun with their peers playing the sport as kids (also to prevent them acquiring bad habits in the sport). I am not sure that as adults they think that was a sacrifice worth making.