Child being 'punished' for a choice I made

duchy

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

I had to bring up this point.

In the area where we live and the other schools we would complete against, probably 90% of their kids are club level swimmers ! most school take this very seriously and TBH we seem to miss out BECAUSE we have our own pool and have to manage our own teacher etc., rather than most of the schools in our area having the teachers that run the clubs.

I would say it would be MORE demoralising for our school to compete against a much higher class of swimmers, than LESS.

You missed my point completely -This isn't about the other kids it's about finding a way that you get to "make a stand " about how you think school swimming isn't up to snuff without denting your son's self esteem ............but from your later replies it's clear you want to have your cake AND eat it .

It appears you have choices -send him back to swimming lessons and hope he is picked for the school team -(not ideal if he's not the type of kid who can disregard the school coach's different training methods ) -or explain to him he has to choose school swimming or club ....but only if you are prepared for him to choose school as he may feel he'd rather swim with his schoolfriends and be top dog rather than a smaller fish in a larger pool at the club (sorry bout the pun)...or leave things as they are with the club and no lessons. Kids can be funny and their priorities aren't always the same as ours.

TBH it sounds like you're on a crusade you can't win and need to make some reasonable choices and stop stamping your foot because you can't have it all.

Lifeisbutadream

duchy wrote: »

You missed my point completely -This isn't about the other kids it's about finding a way that you get to "make a stand " about how you think school swimming isn't up to snuff without denting your son's self esteem ............but from your later replies it's clear you want to have your cake AND eat it .

It appears you have choices -send him back to swimming lessons and hope he is picked for the school team -(not ideal if he's not the type of kid who can disregard the school coach's different training methods ) -or explain to him he has to choose school swimming or club ....but only if you are prepared for him to choose school as he may feel he'd rather swim with his schoolfriends and be top dog rather than a smaller fish in a larger pool at the club (sorry bout the pun)...or leave things as they are with the club and no lessons. Kids can be funny and their priorities aren't always the same as ours.

TBH it sounds like you're on a crusade you can't win and need to make some reasonable choices and stop stamping your foot because you can't have it all.

?? I think you are missing my point completely

He doesnt have to swim in a school gala using the methods taught in school, as I have said the swimming teacher doesnt even go, he certainly doesnt care!

He would never have to choose between school or club ? how do you work that one out?

I dont just make these decisions lightly and demand that my son do as I say, he does have a voice of his own and when he told me he was confused, I helped him in the best way that I could.

Please point out where I am a 'crusade that I cant win'? I asked for opinions, which I have got, I still havent decided what to do and I certainlly arent stamping my feet because I dont have my own way, I havent even said anything to school yet !

Think you need to step back and calm yourself LOL !

Lifeisbutadream

Idiophreak wrote: »

So it sounds like the whole affair's a bit of a waste of time...it's an event they won't train for, will pick a fairly random and weak squad for and will ultimately lose against the schools full of club swimmers. So what are you so bothered about? Sounds like your son's best off out of it...

You are probably right, but last week the school sent a group of 'gifted and talented' to another school. They are the top in the school for Maths, I know my DS would never get chosen for anything like that. I just feel a bit sorry for him, he has recently being 'diagnosed' as dyslexic, which was a bit of a shock, but explains why he has had problems, I know it helps him to be good at something.

bestpud

It doesn't seem to me that the school galas are that important to the school so maybe he's not missing much...?

If they won't even train as a team then they aren't setting them up very well! A race is different from a swimming lesson and they should prepare them imo!

Not that I know anything about swimming, but it seems a bit odd that they don't have any training at all!

Lifeisbutadream

bestpud wrote: »

It doesn't seem to me that the school galas are that important to the school so maybe he's not missing much...?

If they won't even train as a team then they aren't setting them up very well! A race is different from a swimming lesson and they should prepare them imo!

Not that I know anything about swimming, but it seems a bit odd that they don't have any training at all!

Which is my whole point about the school swimming, its rubbish !

Doesnt mean its not important to the kids to do well though !

fedupnow

I hope you don't refer to the school team as 'rubbish' in front of your son. You won't be doing him any favours by suggesting he diss his schoolmates or the teacher/classes whatever.

I understand his need to be 'good' at something. And if it's so important I think you should forget about him becoming a swimming superstar and put him back into school classes.

Don't see it as 'backing down' see it as making your child happy.

If he still chooses not to go, then he's being 'punished' (your word - I disagree with it) because of HIS decision, not yours.

Lifeisbutadream

fedupnow wrote: »

I hope you don't refer to the school team as 'rubbish' in front of your son. You won't be doing him any favours by suggesting he diss his schoolmates.

I understand his need to be 'good' at something. And if it's so important I think you should forget about him becoming a swimming superstar and put him back into school classes.

Don't see it as 'backing down' see it as making your child happy.

If he still chooses not to go, then he's being 'punished' (your word - I disagree with it) becuase of HIS decision, not yours.

Argghhh ! where is the head banging icon !!!

There is no 'school team' and its not the kids who are rubbish its the teacher ! I dont need to tell my son that, he could probably work that out for himself there could possibly be some amazing swimmers there, but who knows when they are just told to swim up and down (slowly lol) for half an hour ?

As I said earlier, I have discussed things with him and because of the confusion that it was causing, we decided for him not to go any more.

fedupnow

Okay. But you seem like you've made your mind up so it's not very clear exactly what you're asking.

Do you want opinions or people to simply support in your decision?

And if he was part of the decision making process not to go to lessons any more, then the 'punishment' is because of the decision he made. Have you offered him the option of going back in order to take part in the gala? He may want to.

Lifeisbutadream

fedupnow wrote: »

Okay. But you seem like you've made your mind up so it's not very clear exactly what you're asking.

Do you want opinions or people to simply support in your decision?

And if he was part of the decision making process not to go to lessons any more, then the 'punishment' is because of the decision he made. Have you offered him the option of going back in order to take part in the gala? He may want to.

How does it sound like I 'have made my mind up' ?? I either stay as I am or send him back to school swimming or speak to the school - which have I decided then, because I dont know, so if you think I have made up my mind, please let me know which it is !

fedupnow

Lifeisbutadream wrote: »

How does it sound like I 'have made my mind up' ?? I either stay as I am or send him back to school swimming or speak to the school - which have I decided then, because I dont know, so if you think I have made up my mind, please let me know which it is !

You appear to be arguing with anybody who suggests your son should face up to the fact that he can't have it all his own way.

Though I suspect, like others have pointed out, this is more about you feeling you're 'backing down' if you send him back to classes. You won't be.