Domestic

UserName01_2

DUTR wrote: »

I read the 1st post after noticing this one.
Now I'm not dismissing anything you have wrote or your own specific episode but let me give you the outline of a case of a female I met recently, She said she was moving out of her house because the ex to be hubby tried to murder her :eek: , we were chatting that evening about domestic abuse, anyways not doubting her as the case was going to crown court. After the case the hubby was found guilty of ABH but recieved a suspended sentence , I found the news clip on the web, and it transpired that she had 'started' it by attacking him 1st (now I know that may not be the case in your scenario, just pointing out that there is a high chance that he may not get locked up after all of this

That is certainly not the case in my scenario and had it been, he would have made a police statement himself. However, regarding the case you mention, it should not matter that the female 'started it'. You don't get a lighter sentence by stating you were provoked. Nothing can condone someone assaulting someone or as you say trying to kill them.

My ex assaulted me many times but it wouldn't make it any more right for me to assault him back unless it was self defence, such as pushing them off or restraining them. Trying to kill someone or smashing a car window in someones face certainly isn't self defence.

DUTR

UserName01 wrote: »

That is certainly not the case in my scenario and had it been, he would have made a police statement himself. However, regarding the case you mention, it should not matter that the female 'started it'. You don't get a lighter sentence by stating you were provoked. Nothing can condone someone assaulting someone or as you say trying to kill them.

My ex assaulted me many times but it wouldn't make it any more right for me to assault him back unless it was self defence. Trying to kill someone or smashing a car window in someones face certainly isn't self defence.

I don't want to detract from your case , as every episode is individual.
I met this person online, and in fairness, I asked my mate to text to check I had not met a maniac :eek: , I did tell her ( I think that is how we got onto DV) anyways, nice as she was, I did get the feeling something was not quite right with 'my girl' , she had moved out of the house (which was now left empty and mortgaged with equity which I thought odd) she did get a flat, and on the day of moving in, she told me how she had had words with one of the neighbours the 1st day :eek: , thankfully she does not have my address as since time she has said she is scared and that she hates the flat, somehow I think she would have been turning up and not leaving .
The attempted murder was not the just charge in her case as it was clear she had exaggerated the claims and conveniently forgotten her hot headedness
Nobody deserves to be assulted female or male.
Anyways I'm just pointing out that even if found guilty your ex may not recieve a harsh a punishment as you may think

UserName01_2

DUTR wrote: »

Anyways I'm just pointing out that even if found guilty your ex may not recieve a harsh a punishment as you may think

To be honest I don't know what I am expecting the sentence to be. I would be happy if he got a huge fine and suspended sentence as I think that would teach him a lesson.

The case is at the magistrates court so he can't be sentenced to more than 6 months. (Not sure if this also includes suspended sentences?)

wannabe_sybil

DUTR - sorry, completely off topic, but why to you put so many :o:o:o in your posts?

Username01 - so sorry you still have this hanging over you. Regardless of the sentence, you have done the right thing. Have you spoken to someone like Women's Aid? They can give advice on a lot of these situations. Are you able to get counselling from your GP? You seem very alone in this, I hope you can get the support that you need.

Also, if your ex waved to you, did you report it? It is nothing to him, probably, but if it is the start of a pattern of intimidation it will be useful to log everything. If nothing else, keep a diary. Wishing you good luck.

DUTR

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

DUTR - sorry, completely off topic, but why to you put so many :o:o:o in your posts?

Cos I'm a bloke , seriously though I didn't want to detract from the OP's plight, but sometimes on forums, folk type the things the OP wants to read rather than what they need to know.

wannabe_sybil

DUTR wrote: »

Cos I'm a bloke , seriously though I didn't want to detract from the OP's plight, but sometimes on forums, folk type the things the OP wants to read rather than what they need to know.

Sorry still don't get it - if it's a point, it's a point. Valid points come from all types of human. Why do you need to put

Sorry OP - completely off topic.

UserName01_2

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

so sorry you still have this hanging over you. Regardless of the sentence, you have done the right thing. Have you spoken to someone like Women's Aid? They can give advice on a lot of these situations. Are you able to get counselling from your GP? You seem very alone in this, I hope you can get the support that you need.

Also, if your ex waved to you, did you report it? It is nothing to him, probably, but if it is the start of a pattern of intimidation it will be useful to log everything. If nothing else, keep a diary. Wishing you good luck.

I have spoke to VS a few times but found it wasn't the help I was looking for. I don't want to go over what happened as it upsets me talking about it in person (much easier online). I would rather put me it behind me than talk about it. The help I wanted was dealing with going to court so I spoke to witness service. They told me what I wanted to hear, such as 'it is nothing to worry about' when I know it is not a nice experience. I was almost in tears at my pre trial visit as it is so daunting.

I am very emotional and have no confidence through my ex so standing up to give evidence in a strange place in front of my ex and people I don't know it not going to be easy for me. I know I will end up breaking down in to tears.

DUTR

UserName01 wrote: »

I have spoke to VS a few times but found it wasn't the help I was looking for. I don't want to go over what happened as it upsets me. I would rather put me it behind me than talk about it. The help I wanted was dealing with going to court so I spoke to witness service. They told me what I wanted to hear, such as 'it is nothing to worry about' when I know it is not a nice experience. I was almost in tears at my pre trial visit as it is so daunting.

I am very emotional and have no confidence through my ex so standing up to give evidence in a strange place in front of my ex and people I don't know it not going to be easy for me. I know I will end up breaking down in to tears.

My 'friend' gave evidence via video, but not sure if that is allowed for magistrates courts. besides court is not like on TV, they ask closed questions and you answer.

UserName01_2

DUTR wrote: »

My 'friend' gave evidence via video, but not sure if that is allowed for magistrates courts. besides court is not like on TV, they ask closed questions and you answer.

The police and witness service have applied for special measures but I have been told that video link is a hard one to get as it is not often the court grants this. There is also the screen but I don't think that will help me.

bluenose1

UserName01 wrote: »

The police and witness service have applied for special measures but I have been told that video link is a hard one to get as it is not often the court grants this. There is also the screen but I don't think that will help me.

Really feel for you, I would be exactly the same. Sure most people would be upset and intimidated having to appear in court. I am sure the court is used to it and you being nervous is better than coming across as a hardened person who is used to court.
Is there anyone you can take with you for moral support?
Also I always take Barts herbal remedy if I am feeling stressed, it does seem to calm me down.
Best of luck.