Hubby tarting

feelingmiserable

Fire_Fox wrote: »

It worries me that your partner thinks of you as 'mummy', you have no time away from your child, you have no money of your own and don't mention any friends or other interests. It seems like maybe your entire self worth is down to how your partner thinks and feels about you, and that you are measuring yourself against other women. Don't get me wrong I'm not letting your husband off the hook, he is taking you for granted, but you need to BE more than 'just' mummy to be seen as more than mummy be that by your husband or by employers.

If you are looking for work over 16 hours a week are you claiming/ entitled to Jobseekers Allowance? There are loads of activities and things that can be done with little or no money, you know about MSE. Beauty treatments or hair styling by students at your local college, keeping yourself fit with DVDs from the library or second hand on Amazon, download free fitness apps if you or your husband have a smartphone. You might be eligible for free evening (or day) classes at your local college.

Have mum or your husband babysit and do something to make yourself feel like a woman/ attractive/ fit and young/ confident and that gets you out of the house without your child. Don't ask him, tell him at short notice, be confident and just a little dominant. Something for you: even if it's a workout and not actually fun at the time, you can get a massive buzz and an amazing confidence boost with sticking to a programme, working really hard and getting fitter, I see it all the time with my lady clients. Maybe a little side benefit is that your husband realises he doesn't know you *quite* as well as he thought ....

Thanks for all this some really useful advice

thehappybutterfly

What about looking for a Groupon/Treat Ticket deal for a beauty treatment?

Or do you have a birthday coming up/anniversary? Ask for vouchers from mum and dad or even your hubby.

I know you're a SAHM but do you have access to money? Is your hubby's pay available for you to spend/manage? Just because he earns it doesn't mean you're not entitled to spend some of it on yourself. You have a job too - the most important one.

thehappybutterfly

Excellent post as always Fire Fox! You should do this for a living ha ha!

Dunroamin

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I thought it was me getting old actually!! Probably a regional thing, I see a fair bit if that on here. To me a tart is a prostitute or any girl that was free with her favours or didn't wear much clothing, never applied to men when I was younger/ where I am from.

I thought she meant he was going with prostitutes.

geoffky

It is foot down time as he is chipping away at your confidence..You know deep down that this needs tackling...Do it..

Fire_Fox

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Excellent post as always Fire Fox! You should do this for a living ha ha!

:rotfl: :rotfl: And can you believe that I am actually really nice in real life not all grumpy/ blunt/ brusque/Marmite!! What do you mean no??? :rotfl:

HONEYMONSTER

Sounds to me like you have become so immersed in being a good mum and housewife that you have lost sight of who you are and what YOU need and have forgotten to make some 'me' time.

If you're happy, your baby will be happy so take some 'me' time and don't feel guilty about it. Get him to look after the baby one night, pamper yourself, put some slap on and even if its only going round to a friends with a cheap bottle of plonk, show yourself and the world you can still have some fun and let him see the 'old you' that he fell for. Maybe that will open his eyes up to the fact that you are still the same person inside, its just your priorities have changed as you have a child and that he needs to make an effort meet you half way.

Kids can drastically change your life and priorities and some men initially feel neglected and miss the personal attention they got from their partner but feel guilty about it as they know the woman has the kid to look after. It can be a catch 22 situation for the men too and you both need to work at it.

NAR

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Isn't he a bit old for Facebook at 43?

:mad: I'm 59 and Facebook every day! When did it become the preserve of any age group?

OP he is approaching middle age crisis time and the attentions of a young attractive girl are always going to give him a boost. Of course there is a balance between how he behaves and treats you against how much he tarts (brill word! ). Sounds like he is overstepping the mark from what you say and needs reined in! :rotfl:

I regularly tart, my wife would think there was something wrong with me if I didn't, but I know my boundaries! :A

CH27

Ask him if he's aware the girl sniggers about the sad pervy old man with her friends.
That should pop his ego

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

The silly sod probably doesn't understand that it's upsetting you now.

My fella is a complete tart - young, old, doesn't matter, he flirts with 'em all. But I'm confident in myself that it's just him being sweet and funny - so much so, he'll do it in front of me and I'll tease him for it.


But - and there's a big but - he does not do or say anything that I am uncomfortable with. And I would never tolerate being called Mummy by a grown man outside 'shall we go and buy Mummy's birthday present?' type of context.

You are more than 'just' a parent - you are also still the same person you were before any children. And you do need to prioritise doing things that remind you of that. Family money is just that - not just his, not just the child's, it's yours as well. So find something not child related in the slightest to do and keep doing it.


(and I'm willing to bet that as soon as he realises that there are people who see you as yourself, not as Mummy, he'll rein it in a bit - not from jealousy, but because it reminds him you're an independent adult doing an important job)