Hubby tarting

VikkiiKawaii

Fire_Fox wrote: »

I thought it was me getting old actually!! Probably a regional thing, I see a fair bit if that on here. To me a tart is a prostitute or any girl that was free with her favours or didn't wear much clothing, never applied to men when I was younger/ where I am from.

That's what I thought too :P

On the serious side though, try talking to him and explaining how you feel.

feelingmiserable

Tried talking to him he just cuts conversation dead.

lika_86

I think you need to start initiating date nights, bottle of wine, no phones, adult conversation.

Alternatively, start skipping off somewhere on the weekends, start doing what you want to do, that'll help you feel like you rather than just a mum again.

Also, I find it unbelievably creepy when people who are parents refer to each other as mummy and daddy, nip that in the bud now.

thehappybutterfly

Hmmm, none of this sounds good if I'm honest. The taking your child everywhere - a trait to be admired in any family and it could be because he's a good dad but it seems more like he's avoiding having conversations with you. Either because he's run out things to say or because he's trying to avoid meaningful conversations.

How long have you been together and how was your relationship before your baby came along?

Shineyhappy

Have you tried suggesting an activity like bowling where he can show you how to do the activity and it gives you something to talk about? It sounds like you need to go out and have some fun together, Alton Towers or mini golf or something a little different and crazy and have a mini adventure

littlerat

I have a suggestion for time away. Pack a big, pick a weekend and run away with a couple of friends - I'm sure he'd manage to keep your child alive for a couple of days Ok it's not with him, but you sound like you deserve a break!


On the issue of him flirting (tarting, hah, that's new to me ) - if it didn't bother you it'd be one thing, but when it does it's an issue. Pre-child, did he do it and if so, did it bother you? Just wanting to establish which of you has changed - either way obviously it's an issue for you, but if he's always been like it, it may just be a personality thing. If he's only started it since, I understand why it's bothering you even more.



If part the issue is you feeling "drab", could you get a few hours away for a pamper, new hair cut, manicure etc? And possibly family who could babysit for a child-free evening with wine and grown up activities afterwards?


I'm addressing 2 issues as I get the feeling you're needing a break from being mummy for a day or 2 which is obviously a separate issue to your hubby tarting



Revenge is always a possibility. I agree with "cor"ing at attractive younger males

lindsaygalaxy

From someone that wishes she was much more of a stronger person earlier on, I say go get a massage, have your hair done, treat yourself to something new and wear it for a meal with the girls. Dont give away too many details of where you are going or who you are with and have a fun evening out with him at home babysitting. Come home and flirt with him. If he's not in the mood it doesn't matter beacuse you had a good night without him. Oh, and he should beware, younger men like the older women these days!

feelingmiserable

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Hmmm, none of this sounds good if I'm honest. The taking your child everywhere - a trait to be admired in any family and it could be because he's a good dad but it seems more like he's avoiding having conversations with you. Either because he's run out things to say or because he's trying to avoid meaningful conversations.

How long have you been together and how was your relationship before your baby came along?

We have been together since 99 and been married for 5 years, has been good before child, and obviously very thrilled to be a father.

He has always been quite happy to plod along and never have a serious conversation.

He is working long hours in a boring job and supporting us all at the moment that's why I am looking for work.

feelingmiserable

littlerat wrote: »

I have a suggestion for time away. Pack a big, pick a weekend and run away with a couple of friends - I'm sure he'd manage to keep your child alive for a couple of days Ok it's not with him, but you sound like you deserve a break! I really do need a break but have no money to take one at the moment, and none of my own money


On the issue of him flirting (tarting, hah, that's new to me ) - if it didn't bother you it'd be one thing, but when it does it's an issue. Pre-child, did he do it and if so, did it bother you? Just wanting to establish which of you has changed - either way obviously it's an issue for you, but if he's always been like it, it may just be a personality thing. If he's only started it since, I understand why it's bothering you even more. He did it at the very start of our relationship but then we had a great time together getting engaged, planning wedding, had dream honeymoon, then after a long time trying baby arrived and so flirting only a recent thing I think (he can be very sneaky when he wants to be) I have always asked him to be honest with me though if he is unhappy as my dad lived a double life for years and hurt my mum and me terribly



If part the issue is you feeling "drab", could you get a few hours away for a pamper, new hair cut, manicure etc? And possibly family who could babysit for a child-free evening with wine and grown up activities afterwards? My mum can babysit so I will do this, unfortunately cant do anything that involves too much money


I'm addressing 2 issues as I get the feeling you're needing a break from being mummy for a day or 2 which is obviously a separate issue to your hubby tarting I do and I feel terrible for feeling this way but honestly I do not get a break at all



Revenge is always a possibility. I agree with "cor"ing at attractive younger males

don't think he would care or even notice

Fire_Fox

It worries me that your partner thinks of you as 'mummy', you have no time away from your child, you have no money of your own and don't mention any friends or other interests. It seems like maybe your entire self worth is down to how your partner thinks and feels about you, and that you are measuring yourself against other women. Don't get me wrong I'm not letting your husband off the hook, he is taking you for granted, but you need to BE more than 'just' mummy to be seen as more than mummy be that by your husband or by employers.

If you are looking for work over 16 hours a week are you claiming/ entitled to Jobseekers Allowance? There are loads of activities and things that can be done with little or no money, you know about MSE. Beauty treatments or hair styling by students at your local college, keeping yourself fit with DVDs from the library or second hand on Amazon, download free fitness apps if you or your husband have a smartphone. You might be eligible for free evening (or day) classes at your local college, cheap or free council gym membership.

Have mum or your husband babysit and do something to make yourself feel like a woman/ attractive/ fit and young/ confident and that gets you out of the house without your child. Don't ask him, tell him at short notice, be confident and just a little dominant. Something for you: even if it's a workout and not actually fun at the time, you can get a massive buzz and an amazing confidence boost with sticking to a programme, working really hard and getting fitter, I see it all the time with my lady clients. Maybe a little side benefit is that your husband realises he doesn't know you *quite* as well as he thought ....