Nosey Mom!

londonsurrey

I think it's fine to initially ask your child if you're that way inclined, but if the (grown up) child says that they don't want to tell you, then it's off to continue asking.

Abbafan1972

Thought I would revive this thread and the noseyness has come back again!

The issues I raised before seem to have passed, but the latest one is that she's pressing me to find out how many days holiday I get at work!

I started a new job on the 9th Jan and the new holiday year there starts on 1st April. Now, during the school holidays the kids go to my Mom's, which has been the arrangement for years without any problems. Me and hubby usually book time off during the summer holidays as that's such a long one. In the past she's given me the impression that she's wanted me to book time off every time there's a school holiday! Even DH and me don't get that amount of holidays combined as the kids have 13 weeks off a year! And she looked shocked when I said I don't get that many holidays.

Anyway I do have accrued holiday from when I started up till the end of March which I have to use by then which is 4 days (I was surprised at this), but I haven't told her I got these (I can't use them for Easter holidays anyway, as I have to use them by end of March) and I have booked them off.

But she asked me again last night how many holidays I get a year (I actually don't know yet). But next time she asks me, I'm going to ask her why she wants to know.

For information, DH might be transferring jobs under a Tupe agreement, therefore doesn't want to book holidays off yet.

PS. I have looked at that other thread about being nosey and laughed my head off! I thought about writing bogus appointments on the calendar too!

Newly_retired

I guess if you call upon your mum for occasional child care she is wanting to get some idea of whether she will be needed more, or less, with your new job.
My daughter tells me most things ( volunteers the information ) about her health and children which makes it easier for me to try to fit in with offfers of help and support.
My DIL tells me nothing, then is surprised when I don't know what's what. I am not a mind reader.

pigpen

I wouldn't ask about my childrens finances either but I would hope if they needed advice they would ask. I dont think there is anything medical they wouldn't tell me.

I don't tell anyone anything until I am good and ready and I don't mind replying with 'you're a bit nosey aren't you?'.. or just lying.

Manchee

I feel for you OP, my mum doesnt really have the same sense of personal boundaries as I do, I had to stop her dropping into conversation with the whole world the fact that I had a UTI, about a year and a half ago. She knows that I am quite a private person but still seemed very surprised that I found her discussing my personal health with all and sundry upsetting. Maybe your mum just doesnt realise how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

floss2

Why not begin to ask your mum about what income she has, or how she spends her personal money on? Or ask when she's next going to the Dr's so you can go with her to find out what is being said?

This worked with my ex-FiL.

Joons

Do you know what, she asks because she cares so much about you, I know it gets on your nerves but imagine not having her around or a mum that is more preoccupied with herself, which would you rather have? She clearly cares a lot about you, I don't think she's being intrusive for any other reason than this.

CH27

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Thought I would revive this thread and the noseyness has come back again!

The issues I raised before seem to have passed, but the latest one is that she's pressing me to find out how many days holiday I get at work!

I started a new job on the 9th Jan and the new holiday year there starts on 1st April. Now, during the school holidays the kids go to my Mom's, which has been the arrangement for years without any problems. Me and hubby usually book time off during the summer holidays as that's such a long one. In the past she's given me the impression that she's wanted me to book time off every time there's a school holiday! Even DH and me don't get that amount of holidays combined as the kids have 13 weeks off a year! And she looked shocked when I said I don't get that many holidays.

Anyway I do have accrued holiday from when I started up till the end of March which I have to use by then which is 4 days (I was surprised at this), but I haven't told her I got these (I can't use them for Easter holidays anyway, as I have to use them by end of March) and I have booked them off.

But she asked me again last night how many holidays I get a year (I actually don't know yet). But next time she asks me, I'm going to ask her why she wants to know.

For information, DH might be transferring jobs under a Tupe agreement, therefore doesn't want to book holidays off yet.

PS. I have looked at that other thread about being nosey and laughed my head off! I thought about writing bogus appointments on the calendar too!

I don't see a problem with her wanting to know about holidays when she cares for the children in school holidays.
Out of politeness alone you should be letting her know how much & when she will need to have them.

pollypenny

Is it such a big deal that she asks you how many days holiday you have?

She helps with child care after all.

Anyway, she's may well just be showing interest. I wouldn't be surprised if you tell a friend about holiday entitlement in a new job.

dibuzz

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

PS. I have looked at that other thread about being nosey and laughed my head off! I thought about writing bogus appointments on the calendar too!

My mum is exactly the same, I've caught her reading letters before and trying to hastily stuff them back in the envelope then claiming she thought it was rubbish and was just checking.
She also tries to sneak around, the other day I was upstairs when she came in and I stood on the landing where I could see the stairs but she couldn't see me. She was slowly tip-toeing up avoiding the creaky steps and the look on her face when she saw me watching her was priceless. She claimed she thought someone might be in bed, it was 11am and she had spoken to me on the phone 10 minutes earlier when I had told her the kids were all out :rotfl:
As a teenager she had bought me a 5 year diary (they were all the rage at the time) I knew she was reading it so used to just make things up, usually based on a book I was reading at the time.
I had been writing about going blind and one day she sat me down and asked was I scared of going blind, I just said "of course not, what makes you think that?" and she didn't know what to say.
Sometimes I pick up a crochet hook and wool and just try something and she always wants to know what it is, who it's for and if it's not for anyone why am I wasting time doing it