Nosey Mom!

heretolearn_2

Can you just reply something like 'don't worry about it mom, it's fine' - simple phrase you use to answer each and every time she asks. Then once you've said it change the subject pronto 'oh look there's a giraffe just gone past the window'. She'd need the hide of an elephant not to take the hint. Or a cool 'thank you for your interest' and then change the subject. If you are worried about her being hurt then TELL her what the problem is - your finances and health etc are private and if you want to discuss them with her, you'll raise the subject, (lay it on a bit thick about how you value her advice and are so happy to know you can turn to her any time you need it) but you won't be answering any more out-of-the-blue questions on private matters you haven't chosen to discuss with her. THEN move on to the responses I suggested every time she does ask.

Calendar, move it somewhere else more private. On the inside of a food cupboard door is quite a good spot for these, you'll still see it regularly, you know where it is to use, but nosy bystanders can't see. Or use a pocket diary instead. I can never resist a squint at anyone's kitchen calendar either, yes it's nosy, but I doubt many of us can't turn away from something right in front of us. I don't quiz people on the contents afterwards, that's taking it too far!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Maybe she feels excluded but is being apparently nosey in an effort to find something you can talk to her about? Or she genuinely wants to help her child, even though she's a big grown up who seems to be making a point of pushing her away as though the years of checking temperatures, wiping up puke and having 100% responsibility for her never happened?

Maybe she's scared you don't need her and won't want her as part of your lives anymore?

I'm not having a go - but your children are always your children, no matter how big they get.




How about thinking whether the following could be the case?



'You have an appointment? Are you ill? Do you need help? I can help, you know -

How much do you get? What do you need to spend it on? Do you need help? I can help, you know -

Are there any other things you might need helping with?'



Rather than getting cagey, which fires up maternal spider sense more than anything else on the planet, perhaps being slightly gentler - 'I'm OK, Mum, we're OK, we're all OK - I promise that if any of us need more of your help than you already give, I will ask you - and in the meantime, please, try not to worry so much'.

Rebecca01

My Mother is exactly the same , infact worse.

I just accept it now, as I am nosey to and want to know what the doctor said to her.

0^0

I would guess when your kids are older then you will probably be much like your mum yourself.

Also can I ask, do you borrow money from your mum, because if you do then she has a right to ask about your finances.

Although I dare bet she only does it because she really cares about you, because mums never stop worrying, no matter how old their kids are.:)

madison-nyc

i don't see the problem here tbh , she's your mom , does it matter if she asks why your going to the dr or about money etc? what's gonna happen if she knows what you spend your cb on?

I'm very open with my family and inlaws about money etc. but dh's side are rather more secretive about their affairs. always makes me giggle tbh , i don't get it.

KxMx

If you don't want to answer then don't.
No-one should be allowed to make you feel uncomfortable or as though you need to hide things in your own home to get some privacy, even parents.
It takes time and you'll probably get hurt looks and remarks that are designed to make you feel guilty and start answering the questions again, but you must find a way to resolve things before it damages your relationship.

I had similar problems with my own mum and never thought she would stop with the endless questions, but she did after alot of effort on my part I realised I was partly to blame because I was answering everything automatically, and it was a good few years past realising it was wrong that I tackled it.
She even admitted to me "if I don't ask I don't find out anything"- and I had to find a way of telling her that at 25 it was my place to decide what to tell her. Not hers to be asking all the time.

Pick a strategy and stick to it!
She is not going to suddenly stop so you have to be the one to get the ball rolling so to speak.

hereotlearn has posted some fab advice.

Poppie68

I thought that was our job to be nosey, interfering, busybodies?

onlyroz

Give her half a chance and I'm sure my mum would open my mail. I also know that absolutely everything I tell her is relayed to my brother and my aunt (and then from my aunt to the rest of the world), and so I'm careful about the level of detail I go into about certain things. E.g. if I could be certain that the knowledge would stop with her then I'd tell her about certain family medical issues we've been going through - but I just don't trust her to keep it to herself. I know this because she's told me in intimate detail about my brother and his wife's medical problems and I'm not sure exactly how much of this stuff they actually wanted me to know.

It's her own loss.

meritaten

I think its unacceptable. As a Mum and Grandparent I wouldnt dream of asking about finances unless my child/grandchild was asking my advice. To me its 'controlling' and not allowing your child to 'grow up' if you do this.
I don't need to know every detail of my kids lives - It drove me nuts when my own mother did it and I swore I wouldn't interfere in my own kids lives - my mother actually calls me 'unnatural' because I wont interfere. I step in to help when asked of course and I do ask if they are ok and offer to help if needed. I am not perfect - no parent is - but I do TRY to be.

Poppie68

onlyroz wrote: »

Give her half a chance and I'm sure my mum would open my mail. I also know that absolutely everything I tell her is relayed to my brother and my aunt (and then from my aunt to the rest of the world), and so I'm careful about the level of detail I go into about certain things. E.g. if I could be certain that the knowledge would stop with her then I'd tell her about certain family medical issues we've been going through - but I just don't trust her to keep it to herself. I know this because she's told me in intimate detail about my brother and his wife's medical problems and I'm not sure exactly how much of this stuff they actually wanted me to know.

It's her own loss.

I think some mothers find it hard to let go, my eldest has moved into a lovely house with a lovely guy and is expecting her first baby, i feel a little left out even though she has invited me to all appointments and scans, its silly really i know but i am slowly learning to let go.
Ive still got two other victims left at home though to torment:)

As for discussions your intimate details with other family members thats pushing it too far im afraid, all my girls tell me things inconfidence and i keep it to myself, but im sure i have lots of faults in other ways.