Nosey Mom!

Abbafan1972

Just wanted to post to see what you all do in these situations.

I love my Mom and we do get on, but I do find her a bit intrusive at times.

I do like to keep my financial affairs private (unless there's a problem and I need to discuss on here) and there are certain things I don't tell her and wouldn't expect her to tell me. But I do find her a bit probing about things at times.

Last week she was quizzing me about my child benefit, how much I get and what I do with it. (I know CB is universal thing), but I found it quite intrusive. She has quizzed me about my redundancy from work (it wasn't a lot), also in the past asked about the disability we get for our oldest, like how much.

She gets quite offended if I don't discuss it with her, but I see it as private.

We have a calendar on the kitchen wall which I write appointments on, although I have to be careful as I know she reads it. This weekend she and my Dad were round ours and I caught her looking at the calendar and obviously clocking what was on there. Any docs appt I write on there she will ask what it's for. Of course I would tell her if there was something seriously wrong, but I do go up to the surgery for BP checks etc, so it's nothing major. If I write anything on there now I have to appreviate it, or write it in "code", so she can't understand it. I have got a diary now for next year and will get used to writing things in there instead, so at least I can hide that away.

Now she is supposed to be coming round tomorrow, it's nothing that can't wait, it's only to plant some bulbs in my garden (don't ask), but now I have an appointment at the Job Centre tomorrow so I'm going to have to put her off and if I say I have to go out, she will want to know where I'm going. If I tell her I'm going to the Job Centre to claim for JSA, then that will open a whole new opportunity of probing for her! Arrrrggghhh!

"And breathe". :rotfl:

go_cat

Has she always been this interested in your lives?

Has she got money worries of her own and in an indirect way is trying to talk about it via your in goings and outgoings?

Is she lonely and this detail fills her mind?

WeirdoMagnet

Mums eh?! I guess most Mums never stop being Mums even when you're grown up and have (and are capable of running) your own lives.

Maybe hide the calendar when she comes round, or (just for fun) write spoof appointments on it that she probably wouldn't want to ask about - or maybe she would! :rotfl:

Monday - sex counselling
Tuesday - STD clinic appt
and so on....

Actually, maybe that would open a whole other can of worms! :rotfl:

scooby088

You think your financial affairs are private from your mother yet you can discuss them on an open forum.

juliethemuse

My Mum was the same, asking how much Disability Living Allowance we got. And what we spent it on and even when my smear test was due and to make sure I went to have it done.and of course the results whatever they were. I thought it was incredibly rude. I felt I wasnt entitled to a private life at all.
If I had a doctors appointment she had to be given chapter and verse.
She knew how much it annoyed me but still kept on doing it.
i'm not sure what the answer is as I dont have that problem now as she has Alzheimers and dosent know what day it is. I know she didnt mean any harm but it used to drive me up the wall.

Spendless

Here's how another mse'r dealt with the same issue.:D
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3994437

19lottie82

scooby088 wrote: »

You think your financial affairs are private from your mother yet you can discuss them on an open forum.

entirely different and a ridiculous comparison.

scooby088

19lottie82 wrote: »

entirely different and a ridiculous comparison.

maybe anon here but still the same principle

quinechinoise

Personally, I have no problem telling my mom about all of these types of things. But that's not much help to you!

My husband's side of the family is much more... secretive? They just don't talk about anything they don't want to discuss and make non-committal answers when they want to side-step a question. Stop volunteering information or gloss over the bits you don't want to mention. Any additional errands you're going to tack on to tomorrow's appointment? You could say... you've got to drop some library books off (if you have to go to the library) without mentioning you're going to the job centre first!

nixe

i was real close to my mum, she would call everyday
and would even open my post.
she admitted she was nosey lol
she got a cough and passed away 3 weeks later aged 57.
i would give anything for her to still be opening my post.
ps i knew everything about her too. x

krlyr

scooby088 wrote: »

You think your financial affairs are private from your mother yet you can discuss them on an open forum.

Volunteering information in your own time is different to being probed for information by someone you don't wish to share it with.