Really want someone to talk to right now. :-(

OptimusNemesis

*max* wrote: »

I'm not sure what more we can tell you that hasn't already been said numerous times, really. You don't seem to see what you've done wrong, it's all her fault in your mind. I think you're behaving like a bit of a drama queen to be honest, being needy and pushy, analysing every little thing, overreacting when you don't get the response you want, dissing her and being bitter about the things you've given her (nobody forced btw, you wanted to give her those things, it shouldn't have come with a catch or an expectation of being "owed" anything in return).

I think you should leave it alone now. Stop calling/texting/emailing her. Even if there was a chance you could have got back together, after the things you have said about her here, I'm not sure it would be for the best!

Do something else, go out, find a hobby, meet friends. Don't jump in immediately and try to meet other girls, because chances are it will be the same story all over again, with the added bonus of the bitterness you are feeling right now. Relax.

I don't blame her at all - I've messed it up and I realise that but it does hurt that she has done similar things to me and I never reacted that way. That doesn't feel or sound balanced to me.

I didn't expect things in return for any of that stuff but my point was she has never done anything like that for me.

I think it's the moving that has been the issue really. It has wound her up and it has wound me up too. I think it is for the best that it doesn't continue. It just hurts that I've made a stupid mistake today and that's the end of it all because of it.

- G

MissKeith

So because you've done a handful of nice things for the girl, she owes you something somehow? Wow... I hope with the next girl, you back off. Quite frankly, you do come off as needy and clingy which would make me personally run an absolute mile!

*max*

It definitely will NOT be something you have done today. You need to realise it's not ONE thing at fault, it's not ONE little mistake, it's a whole attitude, a very clear pattern of behaviour that has transpired over your different threads about this. It doesn't look like it would have worked with this girl whatever you did, so stop trying to find the one little thing that tipped the balance, it isn't there.

OptimusNemesis

No, it has only been since she moved on Sunday. I have been in a funny mood all week since then and the other stuff happening today just made me lose the plot. You're right - I have been needy and clingy. I have apologised and said I would give her space (this was earlier this evening) but I can tell from her behaviour that it's over.

I did like her a lot - I think in a way she seemed too good to be true the whole time so I expected something to go wrong and now its happened.

I don't expect her to do anything. If she does still want to sort things out after today, I shall be surprised. I fully admit it's all my fault. I was just angry at myself and the situation really.

- G

VestanPance

If you can't see the bigger problem and just see this as one mistake then you have a big issue to resolve.

I'd almost let you off with that type of behaviour had you been in a long term relationship that had crumbled and your world melted. I'm sure more than a few of us have done things in those times that we now look back on and think what the hell was I thinking? You've known this girl for what a month? From your posts you come across as needy, clingy and putting all hope of happiness in someone you've just met. Think about that. It's got bunny boiler mental case written all over it. You step over the line from nice thoughtful guy to manic that's scaring the living bejubus out of her.

You should have just enjoyed your time with her before she moved and not viewed it as going anywhere. You knew she was moving from the start. When she moved you should have given her time to settle and then called or messaged her and asked how she was settling in and that you hoped she was enjoying it. If there was to be any long term chance it would have been with that fun nice guy, not the crazy stalker guy. Even at that the long distance thing always screams of long shot and the chances are as she knew she was moving she just wanted to have fun.

I'm nobody to give dating advice, but even I know this. Never send multiple messages, calls etc. If they aren't responding then move on. Sometimes they will end up getting back in touch, other times they won't.

One thing you should always aim for. Walk away from any relationship with dignity. Once the dust settles at least you'll be at piece with yourself. Don't go begging, attention seeking, getting angry or revenge. If you do those things they will become the things you think back on and cringe about.

podperson

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

You're right - I have been needy and clingy. I have apologised and said I would give her space (this was earlier this evening) but I can tell from her behaviour that it's over.

Hun, you keep saying you will 'give her space' and then an hour later you've 'just texted her to let her know this' or 'emailed her to apologise'. Actually give her the space and stop contacting her.

krlyr

I briefly dated a guy with similar behaviour. Note the briefly! Although not quite the same thing, I was going through a tough time when it all started too and believe me, your kind of behaviour is suffocating, not supportive. If your idea of giving her space is to message her (albeit on Facebook, but practically the same thing) to apologise for texting her too much, you need to reconsider what "giving her some space" means. Ditto with the "giving her a breather" which ended up as sending her multiple texts.
I don't think you're the sole problem here. In my view? You're very into her, she's not very into you. No amount of blame will change that, you just need to accept it, move on, and consider whether you need to do anything to prevent this happening in the future. Do you suffer from such low self-esteem that you truly believe this is all your own fault? Some of your posts recognise that her behaviour was not ideal in this all, either, and I think you need to focus on that. Maybe consider working on this flaw of yours before you go joining up to a bunch of dating sites again, because it is not an attractive trait at all.

OptimusNemesis

VestanPance wrote: »

You should have just enjoyed your time with her before she moved and not viewed it as going anywhere. You knew she was moving from the start.

Actually, before I met her for the first time and she told me that she'd been offered a job in Northern Ireland, I texted her back and said that there probably wasn't much point in meeting. I said that it would get to the time when she'd move and I felt that would be a waste of time.

She actually argued it with me and said that there would be holidays and things. She was still really keen to meet - and I was reluctant. To be honest, she almost pressured me into it - she was that persistent and didn't really want to take no for answer. So I agreed - I thought I'd get a nice day out and I'd probably never see her again.

Well, the first time we met there was a definite chemistry there - never had that instantly with someone before. I actually said to her at the end of the date "I'll see you in...October, I guess?" as we were both going to the same convention then. At which point she said "No, no - let's meet up sooner! I'm free every weekend between now and then." Which is what has happened since.

There hasn't really been a problem like this until this week. We went to a convention together a day after she stayed over at my house for Thursday and Friday. We had a really great time. Saturday, I think, when she left really hit home that she was gone. I think part of me felt that the long distance thing just couldn't work. I've never done an LDR and the whole time I've wondered how I would get to see her regularly enough to make it work. The couple of times I asked her about it, she would just become evasive and not give a straight answer.

So I kind of went a bit silly with the texts. I texted her about every damn thing I did there. It sounds stupid now. I think I've kind of kept up that momentum a bit. She actually did text me tonight and told me to chill out and stop texting so much. Which I have now done.

I don't want to sound off about it but she saw my dating profile. It clearly said that I was looking for a long term relationship and that's what her one said too. I would not have been up for a short term thing - I've never wanted a deliberately short term relationship.

I was up for giving the LDR a try. I've never been in one but I thought I'd like to at least try with her so that if it failed, I would know I had at least tried and not left it at a point where I'd think "I wonder how things would have been had I tried that".

It's weird because when I look at it, it kind of started off with her being really keen and doing everything but at some point it seems to have flipped over and ended up with me doing that! lol Maybe we're both crazy.

- G

maintenanceman

you are talking to thin air. The only person you need to talk to is her. If she doesn't want to talk to u don't talk to her. It not fun or games just give her a little space. BTW I amno expert on these matters. Good luck

Fire_Fox

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

A couple of things - it sounds like my mum may be ok. I'm playing it by ear a bit so may still go off to Devon tomorrow but I'm a bit relieved.

I know people said not to text but I just wanted to text and let her know my mum is ok. She did reply and said she was glad to hear it. I replied and apologised for today and asked whether we could just go from tomorrow and forget this stupid day. No text back but I get the response anyway.

I've now deleted her pics and also all her contact details from my phone. Frankly, I don't want someone that can't forgive a mistake. Everybody makes them and she is behaving like I've done something absolutely unforgivable. I want someone that is reasonable - not someone who blows their stack when someone is having a bad day. I'm glad I've found this out about her now.

I've reinstated my dating profile - my match must be out there somewhere. Unfortunately it isn't her.

- G

It's one sided because she is behaving in a 'normal' manner for this stage in a relationship and you are being completely OTT, everyone is telling you this and you refuse to accept it. The above is just immature and drama queen-ish, you want and expect forgiveness IMMEDIATELY or you decide it's over and you are already looking for a replacement??

It's nonsensical to apologise for bombarding someone with messages by bombarding someone with yet more messages. Until you accept and address YOUR issues you are unlikely to have a healthy, successful relationship. It's a shame because I am sure could make someone a really nice boyfriend if you just chilled out and gave the relationship the chance to develop naturally.