Concerns Over Next Door Neighbour

nfollows1982

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fannyanna

I don't think you have a right to find out about his mental health.

I can understand your concerns but I think you just have to rely on the fact that he'll be closely supervised by the relevant authorities.

Artytarty

I know you shouldnt have to, but make sure your home security is good.
Locked doors may make your wife feel more secure if she is alone with the children.
I would not bother cultivating any relationship with the mother, good or bad, incase she says to the son " they seem nice/mean, next door"

fluffnutter

What would I do? Sorry to say but I think I'd mind my own business. Provided the necessary processes have been followed (and there's nothing to suggest they haven't) this guy's got just as much right to continue with his life as anyone else.

You don't know the full circumstances of what happened - you only have neighbour tittle-tattle to go on.

LEJC

why dont you just carry on living your lives and let them carry on living theirs...presumably you have no more need to engage with this man than he does you and unless any boundries,moral or whatever are crossed thats the way it will stay.

Lots of people have neighbours that they would rather not live next to but unforetunately we are not in the postion to need to know their states of mental health etc....if over time you feel that there are issues then at that point you can raise them with his carers etc,but in the first instance you must allow him the opportunity to integrate back into his home.....and to be judgemental at this stage is possibly a little unfair.

Tiglath

There's no easy answer to this. All you can do is take care of the usual security concerns regarding your property. I suppose you could talk to your local police force to see if they have any other practical suggestions. If there have been no issues over the past 2 months, then hopefully it'll continue that way.

jen007

If it was me, i'd be finding out his name and googling him/checking local newspaper articles. I personally would like to know if what has been said about him is truth or just a game of chinese whispers.

Apart from making your home more secure, I have no other advice.

barbarawright

LEJC wrote: »

why dont you just carry on living your lives and let them carry on living theirs...presumably you have no more need to engage with this man than he does you and unless any boundries,moral or whatever are crossed thats the way it will stay.

Lots of people have neighbours that they would rather not live next to but unforetunately we are not in the postion to need to know their states of mental health etc....if over time you feel that there are issues then at that point you can raise them with his carers etc,but in the first instance you must allow him the opportunity to integrate back into his home.....and to be judgemental at this stage is possibly a little unfair.

Indeed. I have an in-law who also was responsible for the death of his close relative. He spent a long time in a high security mental hospital and now is living in the community, doing voluntary work and taking a lot of medication. His life isnt' perfect - he has occasionally had to return to hospital (not high security) but most casual acquaintances would have no idea of his background, and, as you can imagine, he's pretty concerned to keep it that way. Obviously I don't know you neighbour but I would say the best way you can help him reintegrate into society is to say hello when you see him and chat over the garden fence. I do understand your concern but he's had an illness, though a mental rather than physical one. He will still be getting treatment and there is no more reason to assume he will be violent than you would with any other neighbour.

LEJC

Personally I would find it more difficult to live next to an unnoccupied damp property that could encourage rodents or squatters....the fact that its been tended by the family over the years shows that they have tried to keep it together and presentable....

I have actually lived next door to x and y for 3 or 4 years now...they are 2 sharers who have very limited ability due to mental health issues,x is qiute often taken away for a period of time to adjust medication before returning to the house...at no point have I ever felt the need to judge them or try and find out if there is a sinister past...we say hello if we meet outside our front doors,my family and I carry on with our day to day living as do they.there are times where we have had a need to approach the carers to raise issues over occurances particularly when there is no supervised care in the house usually overnight but we have always maintained a dignified neighbourly approach and our comments have always been dealt with respectfully

Without sounding rude to you I think its a case of you dont mind where he lives as long as its not next to you....well if thats the type of "welcome" he's going to get then I do wonder if its time for you to consider your position as his neighbour

harrys_nan

Im sorry but in the scheme of things I do have some sympanthy for the op, he doesnt know this family so have nothing to judge his feelings on. Once the chap moves in and a little while has passed the op feelings may very well change and they all become good neigbours to each other.

LEJC

harrys_nan wrote: »

Im sorry but in the scheme of things I do have some sympanthy for the op, he doesnt know this family so have nothing to judge his feelings on.

This may be true,but it could also be said that in engaging in "idle gossip,tittletattle and digging around with the neighbours"...he's not in a position now to form his own opinion of this man as his opinion has been tainted by what hes heard from other sources.

Whats the old saying....you get one chance to make a first impression...this chap is always going to have his past preceed him whilst people like the OP rely on preconceived ideas