Manners - are they changing?

zcrat41

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Maybe soup-spoons will soon go the way of fish-knives? It does amuse me to see people using a soup-spoon in the same way as a dessert-spoon, too. Does no-one under 30 know that you should not put the whole spoon in your mouth but take the soup from it sideways? It seems that they do not.

Does anyone remember when sprinkling salt all over your meal was infra-dig, and one should make a little miniature mound of it on the side of the plate? Perhaps not.

Anyone else had quoted at them "As little ships go out to sea I sup my soup away from me"?!

I was always taught it was was rude to put salt on your meal until after you'd tasted it.


I would never ever comment on someones poor manners as I agree, that is the height of rudeness. (Unless it was maybe my DH or parents!) But, I'm afraid I would judge them internally. I know it's appalling and to be honest, it wouldn't affect my opinion of their character in general but I would make certain judgements about them.

rachbc

andygb wrote: »

I reckon that 90% of people do not know what manners are.
How many "yummy mummys" can keep their children under control, stop them blocking pavements, stop the running riot in shops, stop them barging into people, make them apologise when they are wrong, do not give dirty looks to people going about their daily business, as if your daily tasks are more important.
Have a bit of consideration for other people.

And what about the yummy daddies' don't they have any responsibility for their children's upbringing and manners - or is that just a woman's fault??

spike7451

I hold my knife like everyone else but my step !!!!!,sorry,mother, tried to teach me to hold my knife like her when she married my dad.She holds it with the index finger on top of the blade with the knife running over the web between the index & thumb...
Didn't work...

sonastin

Manners are about behaving in a way that won't offend the others around you. As society changes, it gets harder to judge what will offend, as the "rules" are shifting far more rapidly than they ever did and multiculturalism does its bit too. In front of complete strangers where you are unable to get feedback (e.g. in the street, in a crowded space) you have nothing else to rely on other than "don't do anything that you would find offensive". In more intimate situations (e.g. out with friends, at work with colleagues, etc), you can learn what the people around you find offensive and in general you can modify your behaviour to suit. Obviously if their preference is objectionable to you, you have to decide which is worse - offending them or behaving in a way you consider unacceptable. Depends who the other person is.


The one which has come up on this thread repeatedly which I find offensive is waiting for everyone else to have their food before eating. I suppose it comes from restaurants' and pubs' with declining service standards. If there is a significant gap between the service of the first meal to come to the table and the last, this "rule" ensures that the poor person who was served food ends up eating a cold, spoiled meal. If I am served first, I will always pause for a moment to see if the other meals will arrive shortly after. If they don't, I'll make a start on my dinner before it is ruined. If someone else's dinner arrives first and they appear to be waiting for mine to appear, I'll encourage them to eat while their food is as it was intended to be eaten.

Numptys_lass

Hello,new person here. For what it's worth, here are mine
*pulling food off a fork with teeth
* saying 'f' instead of 'th' eg ,'fing' or 'fink'
*saying 'eh?' after you have said something to get you to repeat it
*bad driving
*interrupting
*not saying please and thankyou
*using mobile phones during a conversation with another person
*barging and pushing in
*allowing your dog to foul and then not pick it up

SailorSam

It doesn't seem to me that many kids are brought up to be as well mannered as we were years ago. I was always taught to say please and thank-you and treat people as you wanted to be treated.
I remember my Grandad always saying we should be polite and kind to people, even strangers. We were taught to give up our seats to others and my Grandad would say 'always open the door and people will smile', so i've gone through life and always opened the door.
Sadly my Grandad is no longer with us, he died when he was going on holiday to Spain. It happend while he was on the plane ................. he opened the door and got sucked out.

ms_london

lostinrates wrote: »

With regard to opening doors, my husband's work place have annual political correctness meetings where they try and ban this sort of thing, as apparantly some peoe are offended. on.

Really? I find that really shocking!

ms_london

optimistic-mummy wrote: »

i dont know what you mean by 'yummy mummys' im 20 with a nearly 4 year old and although he is still young, he knows what is expected of him, he's never 'showed me up' when we have been out, we all sit at the table for a meal and he knows to use his cutlery say please and thank-you no one eats until everyones food is served . no one gets down from the table until everyone is finished unless you are excused. no desert if you don't eat your meal, he knows he is to say sorry when he has done wrong, hold the door for someone waiting, (he isn't quiet old enough to hold the door but i have taught him to wait by me until the person has gone through the door), ladies first (again he waits until the 'lady' has passed him), help others especially the elderly or disabled (just the other day he carried some milk for an 'older lady' in the shop to the counter for her.... he wasn't asked he just did it) if we are walking and someone is trying to get passed he knows to move out of the way, he acknowledges everyone he see's round the village and always says morning/afternoon sir/mam, how are you, he knows to respect his elders and has been taught to call everyone except family members by sir and mam a man is a gentleman and a women is a lady. i may be strict when it comes to manners and respect but i firmly believe it should be taught from young ... manners don't cost a thing ,... when i fell pregnant with my LO although it wasn't planned i was determined to bring him up exactly how i would if i was 30/40 ... i didn't want to be the stereotypical teenage parent and i didn't want him to be the typical teenage parents child IYKWIM .... im proud of who he is and proud to say even though hes not even quiet 4 yet (3 months off) i don't even have to prompt him anymore to say please, thank you,sorry, pardon or excuse me x

I just wanted to say that you should be really proud of yourself! If only other parents raised their children like this rather than 'dragging' them up! X

ms_london

mishmogs wrote: »

My DH walks on the outside of the pavement to me, will hold the door open for you, even car doors when its not raining. ...

I would love to find a guy who did this but most guys my age (32) are just not like this! Good manners mean more to me than what job they do/what car they drive, which seem to be on other people's criteria..gone off topic slightly!

Xx

LameWolf

Hello all, mind if I join in?

I think we're quite relaxed at home (there's only the two of us, no little'uns to influence), but we're much more "strict" about manners when we're in company - we eat our dins on the sofa, as it's the most comfortable place, and Mr LW will get up and get on with something (usually start the washing up) as soon as he's finished, but this is fine, as I take ages to eat my meal, and it's just what's practical. But if we're out, there's no way he'd dream of even fidgeting while I was still eating.

We do actually have soup spoons - because he's got his mum's cutlery, and there are some in that!:D A random thought - we often make soup to have at home, but I never have soup in a restaurant, because part of my face is completely, permanently numb (result of an operation on my jaw in the 1980s) and I can't eat soup without dribbling._pale_

Another random thought - Mr LW and I always use "please" and "thank you" to each other, even at home. He says "thank you" is a much neglected form of compensation these days.:o

Personally, I think manners really is about treating those around you with respect, and as you would like them to treat you.

Things that make me go "aaaarrrrggghhh"?

• Children running riot in restaurants, pubs and other public places.
• People who barge through doors and don't check if there's someone behind them so it swings back on you (particularly irksome for wheelchair users like myself).
• People who talk with their mouth full (I can't understand a word they're saying).
• People who pay more attention to their smartphone than the person/people they're supposed to be with.

I'm sure I could think of more, but that's a long enough post, methinks.;)