Manners - are they changing?

nearlyrich

I hate it when people say can I grab a latte (or whatever) what's wrong with please can I have a latte?

Lizling

A lot of this thread seems to be etiquette rather than real manners. I'm glad that etiquette rules seem to have faded a bit: they're just arbitrary social rules for deciding who's 'one of us' and who to look down on. I don't care if someone finds it easier to use their knife and fork left-handed, whether they use fish knives or soup spoons, or whether they go to the loo, the lav or the toilet.

Manners are a different matter though, and I think they're just a matter of being considerate to others, which is important. That includes not eating with your mouth open and food spilling out, because that'll put me off my lunch.

[Deleted User]

ms_london wrote: »

I would love to find a guy who did this but most guys my age (32) are just not like this! Good manners mean more to me than what job they do/what car they drive, which seem to be on other people's criteria..gone off topic slightly!

Xx

my late and lovely OH would always walk on the outside of me when we were out and had beautiful manners .He could if required cuss like a sailor but never ever in front of me or any other woman He had a thing about men swearing in front of women.He was quite old fashioned by todays stadards but it was how he was brought up to protect and care for women and he hated it if anyone swore in front of me or one of our children.
I saw whan reading one poster wrote about something being 'infra dig' now that really is an old fashioned expression that I haven't heard for many years.People do notice manners both good and bad I find a lot of folk today extremely bad mannered and its not always the youngsters either.Quite often its older middle aged people ,especially in shops who seem to be quite uncouth.,and as for people eating with their mouths open well it just makes me want to heave I can't stand itmakes them look like pigs troughing down :eek:

Prittstick

When I'm talking to someone, their phone rings or beeps and their phone takes priority over everything! We hate children interrupting us or adults rudely butting in, but why do some people think a phone is an acceptable interruption!?! It happens in shops too, a telephone call can interupt when being served! Suddenly the person on the phone takes priority! Drives me mad.

spike7451

nearlyrich wrote: »

I hate it when people say can I grab a latte (or whatever) what's wrong with please can I have a latte?

That's also a big hate of mine,people who go to the counter & say "Gimme a latte" (or something like that) with no please & thank you offered,all the while the person serving often has to say "yes sir.thank you sir" while serving the ignorant customer....

ab.da54

pigpen wrote: »

I'm a stickler for manners too.. My 2 y/o has just had to say yes please beforev she got some wotsits.. ok is not a suitable substitute!

I tell mine they are not a washing machine if they eat with their mouth open. They are constantly being shown/told to use a knife correctly.. 3 can be excused as they have physical disabilities and 2 are little. I felt awful one day last week I was picking up the girls from school and had just shoved a sweet in my mouth and one of the other parents decided to speak to me (it is a very rare event!)

I hate sloppy speech as will.. dropping of T's and H's is simply not permitted and if anyone drops the H off my name I do not respond.. that is not my name! I pick DD3 up on it constantly.. and make her recite ' I think thirty three things thirty three times on a Thursday' She is amused by it and it is filtering through. My older children and myself are frequently asked where we are from because we do not speak like a dregs here. I actually identified a man who lives in our locality just from his voice when OH was using a chat facility online, it took be about 5 seconds.. he said turn and yellow.. (t-air-n and yeller are not the correct way to say these words! ggrrr)

We have the magic words of please and Thank you and if you can't be bothered to use them I can't be bothered to do what you are asking. I take things off them and say 'let's try that again' until they say thank you..

I will not have underwear on show..

I am often reminding OH to say excuse me and not 'move' when he wants to be past someone.

eating in the street is permissable with my 2 toddlers and my son who has diabetes and sometimes has to eat for medicinal reasons and finding somewhere and ordering and waiting is not an option. OH & I do occasionally have a sandwich in the car.

Spitting... I cannot abide.. there is never ever an occasion it is acceptable it is disgusting and actually illegal as it passes diseases such as TB.. nice! Snotting comes under the same bracket.

Nose picking at the table is a no-no.. go to the loo and do it there.. OH does this too.. he has the gall to complain about the children chatting at the table them picks his snout, shovels (I ask if he would like to open his mouth and I'll just scrape the plate in) and occasionally eats with his mouth open.. so much for his nice middle class upbringing.. though I get the impression his mother is one of those 'ignore the child' parents..

I am a dragon apparently but the older ones are thankful for being given the socially acceptable rules.

My mother and siblings were not even allowed to sit at the dinner table until they contributed to what was on it! They had to stand!

Having read all that, all I could think was .. you gave your child wotsits :eek::D

**dancingbutterfly**

my husband eats like a total pig and it drives me mad!

If we're eating curry, or pasta etc he'll eat it with only a spoon!! :eek:

Everything else he'll chop into small bits (baby food I call it) and then eat with a spoon! Or shovel it in with a fork! :mad:

Our son copies everything his dad does but I do not let him copy this!

Thankfully he doesn't eat like this out!

uughh

ab.da54

calicocat wrote: »

I am 46 and am often astounded at the lack of manners of people my own age or older presumably being brought up in the same era with the same values etc.......obviously not.

A friend of mine hoovers his food up (with a fork only).....u can actually hear the process , drives me mad.
An ex hadn't got a clue how to use his knife or fork properly or order when out.??? Same age as me.
Friends children seem to turn into ferral rats when in a restaurant.

Years ago when out a man at the next table was shouting into his phone and it was constsntly ringing. Clearly business stuff but this was around 9pm not during the afternoon . I got up and asked him politely to stop as I could hear the person I was with due to his shouting and talking. He ignored this and carried on. .........I got more and more annoyed , and in the end crept up behind him ,grabbed his phone from his ear,and dropped it into his pint of lager.

. .

Hopefully you were arrested if this is indeed a true account of what happened.

I can't belive you complain about someone's manners yet 'brag' about carrying out a criminal act!

lostinrates

Lizling wrote: »

A lot of this thread seems to be etiquette rather than real manners. I'm glad that etiquette rules seem to have faded a bit: they're just arbitrary social rules for deciding who's 'one of us' and who to look down on. I don't care if someone finds it easier to use their knife and fork left-handed, whether they use fish knives or soup spoons, or whether they go to the loo, the lav or the toilet.

Manners are a different matter though, and I think they're just a matter of being considerate to others, which is important. That includes not eating with your mouth open and food spilling out, because that'll put me off my lunch.

Things like ettiquette, though I agree not as important, are NOT designed to look down on them, they are usually practical and are 'inclusive' so that any one bothered can learn them.

Things like which side to use knife and fork make eating around a socially crowded table more comfortable, thereby showing consideration to other diners. That's why I make the effort though it's not natural to me to use right hand.

lobbyludd

A lot of this thread seems to be etiquette rather than real manners. I'm glad that etiquette rules seem to have faded a bit: they're just arbitrary social rules for deciding who's 'one of us' and who to look down on. I don't care if someone finds it easier to use their knife and fork left-handed, whether they use fish knives or soup spoons, or whether they go to the loo, the lav or the toilet.

yes. both ettiquette and manners change, and always have done - and are different in different cultures: hats at the table? does that include crowns? one might want to let the queen know. Nuns/Sikh men/muslim women/ any number of other variants where it is considered different.

I teach my children manners and ettiquete rules: and the reasons behind them (if there are any - often they are historic and therefore meaningless now/or simply used to differentiate between "them" and "us") so that they can employ them if they feel the need. But what I care most about at the dinner table is that they are eating and enjoying a range of foods and having a vibrant, comfortable conversation.

I tell them that when they are at their granny's house they may want to employ a particular range of "manners" because granny draws inferences from their non-use which might get them into trouble.

Physically barging past someone is an assault and dangerous and means that you are putting your own preferences over the safety of others: I won't tolerate that. But I think it is completely wrong to say that this is more common - I'm in my 40's and very much remember it happening throughout my life: just because I didn't do it, doesn't mean there weren't legions of others who did.