The Over 50K debt Club - Join Here!!

livinginhope

That's Ok lonely,didn't think you were patronising at all,I don't always explain myself very well

doitmyself

lonely wrote: »

hi everyone
...
doitmyself, i am taking a leaf out of your book and doing it myself! that's why i haven't told him. and no i don't need anyone to talk me into it - i wasn't sure at the start but now i just want to deal with it. pay the money back, and never have to think about it again once it's paid off. it's my debts - as you can see on earlier post - and yes some of the money was spent on him, but he didn't ask me to...i was young and foolish. i don't want to lose his trust and what he doesn't know won't hurt him (may sound naive but oh well!)

Well done lonely, I think! Difference btwn you and me right now is that I am by myself, you're not.
I'm grateful to you for opening up this members only club, but it ain't the £500 club is it. You have a 'secret' there that you've gotta keep from your OH for some time to come, maybe not quite as long as living's but her and her hubby are in it together.
You already said it's affecting you at work, can you really keep it *the secrecy) up? Should you keep it up? What would your OH reaction be if he found out you owed (£50k) that he had no idea about, but worse that you hadn't discussed with him, your closest and most trusted relation?

Gosh, I'm a stranger on a web forum, I don't want to overstep the mark, but you know, the old adage, a problem shared...
Good luck

livinginhope

Totally agree with you there doitmyself,how anyone could carry the burden of debt on their own is unthinkable,the amount of stress and worry would take it's toll healthwise,it's bad enough when you have someone to share it with,but trying to keep it a secret must be sooo difficult.
Lonely,I really think you need to talk to your OH,I'm sure he will understand,he may even secretly know,but is waiting for you to tell him

lonely_2

I really don't think he does. He is always saying things like: "When we finish paying off our student debts next year, we'll be able to do so many things with the extra money..." His debt is for 5.5K...how could i tell him? He would be heart broken, really, I've been betraying him about this for nearly as long as we've been together. I think I'm coping quite well, it was bad at the start and I nearly told him to come home early from work one day just to tell him...but at the last minute I stopped msyelf.

I'm not an angel. It's not only because I don't want to burden him with a problem that isn't his - I'm scared he will always be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, he won't respect me anymore, etc. I couldn't bear it...

So I have a few choices:
1. Never tell him - pay it off as fast as I can - a few years isn't that long in the big scheme of things (and once it's paid off he will never need to know)...
2. Pay a substantial part of the DMP before confiding in him...that way he can see that I am taking responsibility for my own actions and that I've changed...
3. Tell him straight away and risk the break-up of our marriage

When I look at it this way, 1 and 2 are much safer options.

I know I won't be so bad once the DMP is established, I just have to give it time. I appreciate the advice and concern though.

doitmyself

lonely wrote: »

I really don't think he does. He is always saying things like: "When we finish paying off our student debts next year, we'll be able to do so many things with the extra money..." His debt is for 5.5K...how could i tell him? He would be heart broken, really, I've been betraying him about this for nearly as long as we've been together. I think I'm coping quite well, it was bad at the start and I nearly told him to come home early from work one day just to tell him...but at the last minute I stopped msyelf.

I'm not an angel. It's not only because I don't want to burden him with a problem that isn't his - I'm scared he will always be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, he won't respect me anymore, etc. I couldn't bear it...

So I have a few choices:
1. Never tell him - pay it off as fast as I can - a few years isn't that long in the big scheme of things (and once it's paid off he will never need to know)...
2. Pay a substantial part of the DMP before confiding in him...that way he can see that I am taking responsibility for my own actions and that I've changed...
3. Tell him straight away and risk the break-up of our marriage

When I look at it this way, 1 and 2 are much safer options.

I know I won't be so bad once the DMP is established, I just have to give it time. I appreciate the advice and concern though.

Yeah. I don't agree with you fundamentally lonely but I think there's a point at which stranger advice, i.e. on forums like this is intrinsically wrong, and potentially dangerous, and that's pretty much the point where people start doing, without question what strangers on internet forums 'advised' them to do.

Well done you for sharing your thoughts and for sticking to your own principles, such as they are right now, and you've opened a 'club' here for people who are at least in equally serious monetary !!!!!! as you. I'm sure we'll all get something out of it.
Have a nice Sunday

waterman17

How do i post a THREAD please
Thanks for tha advice

doitmyself

waterman17 wrote: »

How do i post a THREAD please
Thanks for tha advice

Hi, not here cos you're in a thread already. Just click back to the main topics view, the post thread button is bottom left

System

My orignal Debt was 47800 is now 38ish! And I am smiling - how weird is that!

olivetrees

Hey lennymfo

Congrats on owing under 40k - you have come a long way!!!

My goal is to owe under 40k...i'm selling everything I own!!!

doitmyself

olivetrees wrote: »

Hey lennymfo

Congrats on owing under 40k - you have come a long way!!!

My goal is to owe under 40k...i'm selling everything I own!!!

Hey olive, good luck to you. D'you want to expand on that?