What to do about a partner who snoops in yourthings

owen_money

I rifled through my wifes drawers once, but she slapped me and said she was trying to watch the telly!

Valli

Does he KNOW you've seen him?

If he does, and you've said nothing and he's not tried to explain or justify his behaviour then he clearly feels this is acceptable. But it isn't.

If he doesn't you should ask him. I'd ask him what he was expecting to find. But I would also be preparing myself mentally to say goodbye.

Controlling behaviour is awful. It erodes your relationship, it erodes your self confidence and it makes life almost not worth living.

Been there, had that done to me, got the Decree Absolute.

kiss_me_now9

Depends. My OH likes to think that looking through my phone and pointing out texts he doesn't like is acceptable - but then has a !!!!! fit if I try the same.

Are you allowed to do the same to him?

The scraps of paper thing is a bit odd.

pawsies

Hehe I do this but not as extreme.

I'm just a nosey person, don't have insecurities about him but love to know what he's up to and doing

pearl123

When a man get's too nosey like that I try and suggest to him that he's effeminate. I say things like .. I can buy you a pink one of those. Do you like my handbag because you keep going in it! And then I go for the jugular! By saying something much more brutal.
Put your food down OP... don't allow it.

suited-aces

pawsies wrote: »

Hehe I do this but not as extreme.

I'm just a nosey person, don't have insecurities about him but love to know what he's up to and doing

And you won't get flamed for it like op's oh has, rather because it's seemingly a woman's right to snoop as all men are cheats, while simultaneously having her own privacy because all men are controlling

HeatherintheHills

pawsies wrote: »

Hehe I do this but not as extreme.

I'm just a nosey person, don't have insecurities about him but love to know what he's up to and doing

If you want to know what he'd up to and doing, why not just ask him?

Snooping shows a complete lack of respect for your partner, you are putting your nosiness above his right to a privacy.

Does he know you do it or is it your dirty little secret?

Sorry, but I think that is disgusting and you are deluding yourself if you think you don't have any insecurities, you have and your snooping is the proof of it.

j.e.j.

Glassannie wrote: »

I have to stress that I have nothing to hide but I do valuemy space and privacy. Here are some examples of what I have see my partner do, I don't know what he's done when I'm not around

Gone through my confidential work diary page by page
Gone in my bag to retrieve stuff without asking
Turns down the tv to listen to phone conversations when I or my daughter are on the phone in another room
Looked through my glove box reading scraps of paper

I suspect he's been through mail and drawers when I'm not in although no proof. We don't live together. Would this bother you ?

It does sound a bit OTT. Could be he's a nosey so-and-so, and just wants to earwig other people's conversations. Possibly he's been hurt in the past and feels stupid for not having 'seen the signs' sooner so he's checking up on you. Or he might just be socially stupid and you need to actually tell him that what he's doing is rude and unacceptable.

You need to ask him what's going on, I think. We can only speculate on here!

marisco_2

It would bother me yes. You are two adults in a relationship. Yet for some reason he prefers to snoop around in your private things and listen into yours and your daughters telephone conversations, rather than communicate with you directly.

Part of me suspects he may have been cheated on in the past and wasn't treated with respect and honesty, so now he tries to find his own proof to answer his insecurities about you. Another part of me suspects that he may be a bit of a controlling socially inept individual. You know him best, if its the latter move on from him fast. He is unlikely to change and long term his paranoia could drive you mad and become very tedious.

Rosann

he sounds seriously insecure however this does not mean hes a cheater etc! perhaps you should talk to him, ask him why he does it? tell him it makes you uncomfortable, if his answers dont satisfy you then question whats going on as this could be completely innocent but also could be seen has having a rather strange reason behind it!!!!:( i think a lot of people dont admit looking on their partners phone etc even though they know they dont have anything to worry about, sometimes its just for piece of mind!!!