What to do about a partner who snoops in yourthings

sassyblue

prowla wrote: »

I choose to be with my other half; I don't own her nor control her, and I respect her right to keep things private if she wants to.

Your username did make me laugh though after reading your post.

mazy_m

It sounds a bit freaky the way you say it but I think that my OH may think this of me and at times I feel like i'm doing this to him. It's hard to explain but he's so unorganised that in the past I have had to open his post for him If I can tell it's a credit card thing or bill to remind him when to pay it or to pay it for him so that he doesn't get charges and defaults etc as in a year or so when we go to get a mortgage together this affects me. He also can't seem to organise anything so when he's on the phone to someone sorting something out I have to turn the volume down and remind him of stuff or he forgets what he is calling the person for....Don't get me wrong this is not EVERY conversation just ones to friends and family to remind him of plans or suggest things. I've had to stop myself from opening his post but sometimes it can lay there for days and i'm thinking this could be something really important etc...I know he's a grown man and he needs to be organised and this sounds so controlling but i've not "let" him have control over his finances again (which I had sorted out perfectly for him so that he was paying very little if any interest and was able to start saving with the budget I devised for him!) and now they're in a shambles again! I hate feeling like in ways I am controlling him but things go wrong if I don't. It annoys me as sometimes I just want him to pick up the reigns and say it's ok i'll sort this but he never does it right! ( he really doesn't!!)

From the OPs post though it seems more like a case of distrust how does it make you feel? Like you've done something wrong? like you're every move is being watched? or don't you mind it?

Stephb1986_2

He sounds like a bit of an odd job to me, if I was you I would get rid of him pronto. It's obvious he doesn't trust you could you carry on living like that?

Steph xx

maryroberts

Not defending him in any way, but do you know if his previous girlfriend(s) ended up cheating on him? i.e. he might be so insecure and obsessed about the same thing happening again that he has to check everything you're doing. I know it's totally wrong but he may just be totally insecure and worried, rather than trying to control or bully you. You need to talk to him about it as it's obviously totally unacceptable to carry on like that.

paul2012

Sounds to me like he is just a bit of a nosey person..

I was expecting to read that he had been hacking your emails, reading you texts, going through your washing and looking through your pockets and so on..

Seriously don't see what the problem is?

HeatherintheHills

paul2012 wrote: »

Sounds to me like he is just a bit of a nosey person..

I was expecting to read that he had been hacking your emails, reading you texts, going through your washing and looking through your pockets and so on..

Seriously don't see what the problem is?

If it was nosyness he could just ask for information.

Snooping through a woman's handbag and diary is a mortal sin in my book :eek:

suki1001

paul2012 wrote: »

Sounds to me like he is just a bit of a nosey person..

I was expecting to read that he had been hacking your emails, reading you texts, going through your washing and looking through your pockets and so on..

Seriously don't see what the problem is?

But there are things that are just rude. I mean I could sort of understand it if they lived together - piles of paper become amalgamated into one, but they don't live together. I think looking through someone's handbag is a big no no. It's incredibly intrusive. I wouldn't let anyone do it, or rifle through my pockets, unless they ask first at the very least and it's for something like the car key. Just for having a good old nosey - definately not. I don't mind being open, but there's a line that's being crossed and it's just showing no respect for the OP. She's already said, that's only what she does know about. What's he doing when she's not around?

It may just be that he has been hurt in the past, but it's not healthy to play to that behaviour.

MarilynMonroe_2

Glassannie wrote: »

I have to stress that I have nothing to hide but I do valuemy space and privacy. Here are some examples of what I have see my partner do, I don't know what he's done when I'm not around

Gone through my confidential work diary page by page
Gone in my bag to retrieve stuff without asking
Turns down the tv to listen to phone conversations when I or my daughter are on the phone in another room
Looked through my glove box reading scraps of paper

I suspect he's been through mail and drawers when I'm not in although no proof. We don't live together. Would this bother you ?

Turning the telly down could just be out of politeness for you on the phone rather than him listening.

He might just be a natural nebby person but doesnt mean any harm by it?

I wouldnt call him or creepy or say dump him. he obviously has some qualities you like or you wouldnt be with him.
Ask him to stop, and also put a note in your book like ''keep out nosy!''.

prowla

sassyblue wrote: »

Your username did make me laugh though after reading your post.

Haha!

(Actually, just to put your mind at rest, it's my initial and the first few letters of my surname. )

thehappybutterfly

It depends on how long you've been together, whether this is a new behaviour, what your relationship is like otherwise etc. I don't think my first thought would be 'dump his !!!'.

I too would plant some notes/diary entries just to show him that you know what he's up to like "!!!! off nosychops!" or "Found what you're looking for?"

Unless of course you're wary of winding him up as you either know or don't know how he'll react.