In the words of Yazz...

Fudgefund

Thanks PLMBL

I'm afraid if anything I'm having a worse day today - the joys. I was feeling okay because I haven't had any alcohol since Thursday and I had a very cheap weekend, mostly inside.

However, the ex I had done so well not texting since the Blackpool incident, sent me some txts today saying how much he missed me and I totally rose to the bait. He was saying how much seeing other couples reminded him of me, and how much he'd been thinking of me (which is weird considering my post yesterday). I sent him a text saying I still didn't think I could be his friend and that if he missed me that much he should be willing to make a go of it, to which he just said, 'yeah, I know, I'm sorry, I don't want that'. So now I feel back to square one and really upset. I'm just so annoyed with myself for entering back into it all again. :mad: I've told him in no uncertain terms not to contact me again.

So now I've got to pick myself up again and dust myself off. For the moment though, it's back to tears, which is ridiculous.

The only positive thing I can say is that I paid £20 off my Barclaycard today to give me the incentive to find the other £80. Doesn't make me feel a great deal better though.

Also - I know I should start the surveys, but I haven't yet. Very high on my list of priorities.

Fudgefund

I've realised the above post is ridiculously teenage, so I've decided to bury it. I'm no longer crying, and am feeling a bit silly. The good news is, none of this occurred before Sunday closing times, so I was unable to drown my sorrows in mini-rolls this time around.

I also now have £1.43 in my new change pot, I just counted. It's hard to be too down when this is a factor in your life.

mumsiemum

Fudgefund wrote: »

I've realised the above post is ridiculously teenage, so I've decided to bury it. I'm no longer crying, and am feeling a bit silly. The good news is, none of this occurred before Sunday closing times, so I was unable to drown my sorrows in mini-rolls this time around.

I also now have £1.43 in my new change pot, I just counted. It's hard to be too down when this is a factor in your life.

Whop Whop - you go girlfriend!!!!!

MuffinTops

Hey honey, you didn't sound "teenage" at all. It's hard when you miss someone that you want different things from and then they pop up and act like they do. Only to then confirm again that they've contacted you for selfish reasons. No bait rising from you either. Why would you ignore all of that when you hope he's going to have seen sense?

Anyway, like you say, pick yourself up and brush yourself down and then give yourself a massive pat on the back for being so strong and resourceful (no matter how you feel inside).

I'm going through a little experience like that myself, so I honestly understand how you're feeling and why.

So, onto the great stuff. Yay for no bad food pick me ups. Yay to the £20 barclaycard amount that's motivating you and a big Yay and Whoop to the change jar! These little things really can make a difference!

Fantastic news on you spending the day with Mother Fudge and having a lovely day with her too. Your gift idea for your sister is so lovely and thoughtful.

Tomorrow starts a new fresh week! Onwards and upwards!

Here we go ....... x

Fudgefund

Thanks so much you two, your messages have really cheered me up. :A

You're right MuffinTops, I did have a tiny bit of hope he'd seen sense, and it was agonising, but I just have to put a lid on it again. It takes me ages to get over relationships. I think I need Lily Allen's line, 'Now you're calling me up on the phone/so you can have a little whine and a moan/it's only because you're feeling alone' tattooed on my forehead. I'd just need a fringe for work. :rotfl:


If I can stick to my walk to work/90p train home for a week I really think it'll make me feel perversely better again. Hoping to have a really quiet week, pay off another £20 to BC, and get the £30 together for big Sis.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

please-let-me-be-lucky

You didn't sound teenage at all, but you sound very level headed now:T. Good for you refusing his booty call and even bigger congrats on paying the £20 off and avoiding mini roll gate #2 Xx

Fudgefund

Thanks again PLMBL, I doing a lot of thanking today after my whinge! :A

Mini roll gate 2 made me laugh, I guess there's only one thing worse than texting an ex, eating a load of chocolate afterwards. I've lost a stone since we broke up, certainly don't want that popping up to say it's missed me too!

BankChargeBabe

Hi Fudgie, first time poster, long time admirer! I've just read over your posts and just wanted to say that I think you're doing an amazing job. You really seem to be serious about becoming debt free and have given me the motivation to really try hard as well.

Look forward to hearing more from you. By the way, your ex sounds like a loser and you're well shot of him ;-)

Fudgefund

Thanks BCB, that's really sweet of you! I'm pleased to be so inspirational - it's not something people usually say about me. I'm usually more renowned for my staying in bed qualities. :rotfl:

Onto today's update... I didn't post yesterday as I was still a bit down and I didn't want to have to rename this diary 'moaning from the manic depressive in the corner', and I was really tired. I didn't walk to work, so that was £1.80 on the train. I also had to buy some lunch for myself so I went for my usual favourite - pitta and mini hummuses, only to find the pittas were 12p more expensive than usual! :mad: I realise that £1.99 for three lunches is still a good deal, but still.

Today has been a better day, I didn't manage the walk to work (try to suspend your disbelief) but after my £1.80 on the train I didn't spend much at all. I always go to my friends' for tea on a Tuesday, and I always take a cheapo cake for pudding. I popped into Tesco on my way round, and bought a cheap angel cake (I once had a brief spell working in Tesco and fondly remember a massive sign someone once put up advertising 'angle cake' for half price. Presumably for the mathematicians out shopping). When I went to the self service to pay, I had my usual snoop round the carrier bags to see if there was any dropped loose change and found a pound! I was so excited. My biggest find ever on a self serve, and it completely cancelled out the cost of the cake. I had a very nice tea, and even ate all of my broccoli.

I've got £5 left of my £21, and I think I'm just about going to make it to Friday. I need to buy my niece a cheap birthday card and a stamp, and if I walk to work (ha!) that'll be another £1.80 needed. Might even come in under budget, who knows? I've been siphoning off the spare change into my pot, now up to £1.81. It's nice to feel positive again, I'm so done with alcohol.

*Robin*

Hello Fudgie, :hello:

You have had a busy week! Well done on surviving the emotional storm of Ex's latest foolishness; sounds like he is firmly consigned to your past now, which I believe is good news for you (he sounds very needy and immature).
Not what you want, dragging you backwards at the moment when you're doing so well. Though maybe in ten years time, who knows - the synchronicity* you describe is rare, but not unique - maybe he will become a good old friend one day; once he's grown up ).

*Not sure if that's the right word for the ability to know when someone is thinking about you at the same time as they crowd your thoughts.. Usually both get in touch - PC and I had it, but I also have it with two of my sons, and about half a dozen other people (all very good friends because of it; some of them I have nothing in common with, except that we both realise this 'empathy' is a little bit special).
Very useful at times (invaluable in the days before everyone over the age of nine was accustomed to carry a mobile!). I think it's something to do with the 70% of our brains where the function is not known. A talent that has become faulty through disuse, but some people can still glimpse, and use it.

Anyway, enough waffle; if you've got it you'll still have it in ten, twenty, thirty years time - so quite safe to 'file' Ex and get on with making your life what you want it to be. ..See who else you meet on your journey.