Nice people thread part 7 - a thread in its prime

LydiaJ

silvercar wrote: »

Can someone explain the category of "seeing each other but not in a relationship"? I think that is a category that has come about with the facebook generation. I don't understand what it means.

You meet somebody. You have coffee or a drink or something with them. You agree you've enjoyed the experience, and you'd like to have another coffee/drink/lunch some time soon. But since you hardly know each other yet, there's no reason why one or both of you might not have coffee/drink/lunch with somebody else at this stage.

I know. It wasn't like that when I was young. Last time I was single, I was a student, surrounded by other (mostly single) students. You could just make friends with people, and get to know them as friends, and then maybe decide to go out with each other (exclusively). But at 43 with two kids and a job, I find it's different. I can go weeks and weeks without meeting any single men my age. If I do meet one, it's probably going to be in circumstances where our lifestyles aren't conducive to getting to know each other in the course of every day life. So it becomes necessary to go on dates with men I'm not yet in a relationship with.

I don't like it really. I find it all too artificial and pressurised. I would prefer to go back to how it was when I was a student, and I could become really good friends with men without having to address the "am I interested" question until the friendship was in place. But the opportunities to do that as an adult working single parent are just not there in the way that they were when I was a full time student without kids.

ETA X-posted with lostinrates. I was assuming that "in a relationship" implied exclusivity and neither of you "seeing" other people in any capacity that might be interpreted as romantic/sexual or as a potential new partner. Naturally you can both go on seeing other friends, but in such a way that you and the friend are both very clear that that's all it is.

chewmylegoff

silvercar wrote: »

So how does that work?

Down on one knee and say "Will you wear a ring so that we look married even though we are not?"

well i thought it might work as a sign of commitment to each other, without going through the bit i don't want to do i.e. shelling out £20k for a bunch of other people (most of whom i don't really want to buy half a shandy for, let alone dinner) to eat hideously overpriced and badly cooked lamb shanks just because we've called a party "wedding".

trouble is that all that would probably happen is people would see them and say "why wasn't i invited"...

lostinrates

chewmylegoff wrote: »

well i thought it might work as a sign of commitment to each other, without going through the bit i don't want to do i.e. shelling out £20k for a bunch of other people (most of whom i don't really want to buy half a shandy for, let alone dinner) to eat hideously overpriced and badly cooked lamb shanks just because we've called a party "wedding".

trouble is that all that would probably happen is people would see them and say "why wasn't i invited"...

Chewy, no need. You could do it in about a fortnight, just you and her for under £150 quid.

LydiaJ

I enjoyed having lots of people to our wedding, but I'd never spend £20k on a single day. I'd be happy to negotiate a compromise with a man who wanted a marriage without any more of a wedding than could be avoided, but I'd probably throw something at a man who suggested wearing a ring without bothering with the marriage. (That's assuming in both cases that the man was somebody I wanted to be with permanently.)

My parents had just 9 people at their wedding, including both of them and the vicar. (See earlier posts about my mum not liking huge parties. )

If I ever have another wedding, my priority (if my husband-to-be agrees) will be to include lots of people without spending any more than can be helped.

purch

chewmylegoff wrote: »

i don't think much is likely to happen very quickly, as she has been taking pill since 14/15 and will be 34 in jan.

HID was similar (31 yo)........we got married in December 1993, and #1 son was here on Boxing Day 1994.

lostinrates

Btw Lydia, I love dating. It shouldn't feel forced, just different to what you are used to. Perhaps when you are more used to it you will relax and enjoy it.

Lots of people would find how we chat here forced, because it s new, like dating is new to you. But we all seem to cope rather well.

I dated from..well, almost the beginning. My first ltr was not always an exclusive one, so dated sometimes through that too. I just lile it, but rarely got in the position where there was 'too much' pressure on one person I was dating, so each was fun and light and enjoyable. I think it might be different now, with the knowledge of what I really want and what suits me more, and that I would be hoping dates lead to that conclusion eventually.

chewmylegoff

lostinrates wrote: »

Chewy, no need. You could do it in about a fortnight, just you and her for under £150 quid.

well, i don't actually want to anyway, so regardless of the cost it doesn't matter, although i did suggest doing it with just us when i was still entertaining the idea (which was about 3 years ago) but that was rejected in favour of flying to australia and having it there with her entire extended family and three people that i knew. that was about the time that i stopped entertaining the idea.

PasturesNew

michaels wrote: »

This was definitely the best sub £100 phone available until recently, there may be some better now but you wouldn't go wrong with this one. Probably worth googling for any comments on the camera as MP is often a poor guide to how good the photos are. One phone which seems to be available now for around 120-150 is the Nokia 800 which I suspect will be better built than most in the price range. There are obviously lots of good deals on payg sims - the one zagubov mentions and giff-gaff get a lot of mentions but local network conditions may be a factor. 3 give probably the best unlimited data but try and stop you 'tethering' - ie using the data on a laptop or via a dongle.

There are cheaper ways to get a phone / minutes /; data if you are willing / able to go down a contract route but I'm not sure if this is for you. (My new phone is a Sony xperia s, 12mp camera, 1280x720 res screen etc - I have had to sign up for a contract I won't actually use (100 reducing to 50 mins, a few hundred texts, no data) but the total cost after cashback, redemption, refer a friend etc should be £83 for a phone that costs at least £300 to buy off contract. My next contract is likely to be a sim only o2 redemption deal with 600 mins unlimited texts and 500mb data which will cost £25 for a year)

I'll have to read this again.... just got in and it went WHOOOOSH!!

PasturesNew

lostinrates wrote: »

Is it OTT to buy a pony for a child who has just hit the world and lives on a different continent?

For answer, please see the glossary under POSH ALERT!!

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

For answer, please see the glossary under POSH ALERT!!

Aww, sadly you can pick 'em up very cheaply at the winter sales, like.....under a fiver . It will never win horse of the year, but it would make precious little dog food at that size either. .

Bad financial climes to be an ugly little unhandled pony.