not celebrating birthdays etc- a big deal?

missprice

VestanPance wrote: »

I was brought up with birthdays not being celebrated. Due to this I still don't celebrate my birthday, or get the slightest bit bothered about my birthday.

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I too was brought up with very low key birthdays if any some years and I have gone the alternate route and want a big fuss made (more so on the big 0s )
it never happens that way, lack of money or something else gets in the way but a card would be lovely on those occasions when its just not practical to do anything.
I had a massive big 0 planned a few years ago and as it was on a bank hol no one turned up. this despite being planned in march and everyone saying of course they would be there, yes they knew it was a bank hol but they had no plans and would deffo turn up. ha. not even 3 cards turned up (which I loved) but can you imagine one after the other they all say sorry made plans now cos it is the bank hol you know. could have shot some of them:)

suki1001

Oh op I think we're married to the same person. My oh isn't in the slightest bit bothered about anniversaries or birthdays.

My birthday is on boxing day and usually gets swallowed up with other things, even as a child we were always travelling up to see family, so my birthdays were usually rubbish, hence why I like making a fuss of them.

This year on my 10th wedding anniversary, i spend the day curled up on the sofa, wrapped up in a duvet in tears, because he didn't even get me a card. I felt so gutted, we did go away overnight later, but I felt so upset he just hadn't even thought about it and that we only did something because he knew I was upset.

His mother has been known to buy mothers day cards and birthday cards to give to the children because she knows he forgets, I wish she wouldn't and he learnt to just do it off his own back. Some years he's been good but others I've felt truly disapointed when the "it's just another day" speech is rolled out.

dizsiebubba

psychopathbabble wrote: »

Really??

Come on, can't OP be just a bit miffed that she always goes to effort on his birthday but he won't even get the kids to give her a card?

Yes really... it is a serious question.

Of course OP might just be upset over the birthday thing, however that would not upset me that much (obviously from the rest of my post) so I was wondering if there was anything else and if this was 'the straw that broke the donkeys back'....I wasn't saying that was the reason - the question mark should have gave away that it was a question and not a statement.

I think you mis-interpreted the question a little but hopefully the above will have made it clearer for you.

OP - I see you haven't responded to peoples comments yet so it would be interesting to know if there are any other issues that may be contributing to your upset or if it is just this matter?

CH27

My OH doesn't make a fuss at birthdays even though I do.
Last year his indifference rubbed off onto our son who forgot my birthday.
I was heartbroken. OH went mad & then sulked when I told him it was partly his fault.

dizsiebubba

CH27 wrote: »

My OH doesn't make a fuss at birthdays even though I do.
Last year his indifference rubbed off onto our son who forgot my birthday.
I was heartbroken. OH went mad & then sulked when I told him it was partly his fault.

See I think this is sad...when adult children don't make a fuss over mum/dad on their birthday After everything you do for them throughout life, they should do something for you!

CH27

dizsiebubba wrote: »

See I think this is sad...when adult children don't make a fuss over mum/dad on their birthday After everything you do for them throughout life, they should do something for you!

He's a teenager. To give him his due he was mortified & will never forget another birthday.

dizsiebubba

CH27 wrote: »

He's a teenager. To give him his due he was mortified & will never forget another birthday.

Thats ok then if he learns from it

ognum

I am interested if these partner have suddenly stopped remembering or where they like it when you first met them?

if you new before you married him that this is how he was then I think trying to change him is futile. I am sure they have other good traits, can't you just be happy about those?

seven-day-weekend

PoorCharleyBear wrote: »

My H is always happy when I make his birthday special, but he has no interest in doing the same for others.

It was our 10th wedding anniversary recently and he forgot it and did nothing.

Then last week it was my birthday and he did absolutely nothing for it- no card, no present, no special treatment. !!!!!! all.
He did say (after the event) -'I'll get you something at some point'...but to me this misses the whole point of a birthday. It is one day of the year which is yours and yours alone to be spoilt a little.
I have gone mad at him about this before (as he regularly 'forgets; my birthday). To him it is water off a ducks back. This year he has not even commented on my vent and told our kids to shut up about it.
Some workmen in our house gave our small daughter pen and paper to draw me a card- he did not even think of that.

In future I am only going to make a fuss of the kids birthdays. But do I really want to be with someone who sees nothing in life worth celebrating, or am I being oversensitive?

If that is the basis of your relationship, then I agree it needs to be looked at.

I honestly don't think it is important. Next time jusr say,
'I'd like to go for a meal at so-and-so for my birthday, will you book it now?' or whatever you would like to do.

It's no big deal (at least it isn't to me).

gregg1

Must admit I love to make an extra fuss of my OH on her birthday and always buy card, present and meal out. The really special occasion for me though is our anniversary and I do make a bigger effort for that.

Personally I think it is a bit mean not to acknowledge your partner's birthday, even a card is better than nothing.