not celebrating birthdays etc- a big deal?

chris_n_tj

mildred1978 wrote: »

I think I'm going to come up with a list of jobs that *must* be done on his birthday. Cleaning the drains/painting the hall/resealing the bath. .......................:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Brilliant idea xx

marisco_2

PoorCharleyBear wrote: »

In future I am only going to make a fuss of the kids birthdays. But do I really want to be with someone who sees nothing in life worth celebrating, or am I being oversensitive?

I can understand why you are hurt and upset by your husbands indifference to celebrating your anniversary and your birthday. To show no interest in making a special event for a loved one happy and memorable is thoughtless and nasty.

As for your question on whether to be with someone who carries on like this, only you can make that call. I dont think your plan to give him a taste of his own medicine in future is particularly wise or beneficial to you in the long run. It would also send an awful message to your children. They might begin to see it as the norm that daddy and mummy dont bother with each others special days.

catkins

dizsiebubba wrote: »

My OH is a bit pants at birthdays to be honest... but I love them and enjoy spoiling him!

It doesn't bother me as much as it seems to bother you, but then I am happy with every other aspect of our realtionship and know he loves me but his mum was rubbish and never set a good example of birthdays being special so he doesn't think how I do...
?

I don't think you can just blame it on how he was brought up. My OH's parents never made much of birthdays at all and at Christmas they never even used to wrap presents.

I think it is strange and sad that so many men just can't be bothered with birthdays, anniversaries etc. Of course if you are both happy with that fine but a lot of women are not.

My OH doesn't remember anyone else's birthday except his dad's because it's 2 days before his own. He couldn't tell you when any of my family's birthdays are or even when his mum's is yet he never forgets mine or our anniversary

lostinrates

catkins wrote: »

I don't think you can just blame it on how he was brought up. My OH's parents never made much of birthdays at all and at Christmas they never even used to wrap presents.

I think it is strange and sad that so many men just can't be bothered with birthdays, anniversaries etc. Of course if you are both happy with that fine but a lot of women are not.

My OH doesn't remember anyone else's birthday except his dad's because it's 2 days before his own. He couldn't tell you when any of my family's birthdays are or even when his mum's is yet he never forgets mine or our anniversary

It's not just men. I struggle to remember anyone's too. . I used to try and organise dh to sort something out for his family for birthdays, now I don't worry about it. He usually manages to send a card, and of not sends an ecard.

Tbh I am not bothered if mine is remembered or not, but I do rememebr his.

Gra76

I'm one of those husbands that forgets birthdays/anniversaries etc and I've no problems admitting it! My only saving grace is that my wifes birthday is on Valentines day so the multitude of adverts on TV for Valentines day remind me in advance pretty much every day!

I have to keep my kids birthdays in my phone to remind me. I forget my friends birthdays and family birthdays. In fairness I also forget my own most years until I'm reminded....

I suppose I just don't see the importance of celebrating the anniversary of when someone was born. Myself included.

VestanPance

dizsiebubba wrote: »

...but his mum was rubbish and never set a good example of birthdays being special so he doesn't think how I do...

I was brought up with birthdays not being celebrated. Due to this I still don't celebrate my birthday, or get the slightest bit bothered about my birthday.

I did know my ex did think her birthday was a big deal, so I always made sure to treat her on her birthday. Just because you don't celebrate your own is no reason to ignore a partners if they don't also share that point of view.

If I'm honest the thing I found most uncomfortable was that my ex's family seemed to be shocked that my birthday would pass without a card or cake from any of my family. They then took it on themselves to try and celebrate my birthday, but because I wasn't brought up with all that I always found it awkward.

kj*daisy

Keep his low key, a card from you and cards from the kids. Maybe a meal out as a family, and then just sort out your own birthday celebration with the kids, kids love birthdays so let them know you'll be doing something on a particular day cos it's its your birthday. And buy yourself a pressie.

I don't think what your oh does is right at all I think it's crap to be so useless when you have repeatedly told him it makes you upset, but as he seems hell bent not to change then unless you want to split up over it, the above will serve to see that you at least have a nice time even if you have to sort it out yourself! Oh and have a belated birthday celebration with you and the kids this weekend!

psychopathbabble

birthdays have always been made a bit of a fuss of when I was growing up. I am slowly teaching my OH to do the same, he forgot his mums birthday the year we met and then spoilt the surprise flowers we had sent for mothers day by calling her on the wrong day!

No offence to some men, but I think it's mostly a bloke thing forgetting.... I know my OH's mum is the one who sends out all the cards and buys all the presents so he has never had to bother remembering and I'm not convinced his dad would have much of a clue.

OP - as much as it goes against your natural instincts to do something special, I wouldn't bother doing anything for his birthday. Telling the kids to shut up about it was downright rude.

InsideInsurance

It is fairly gutting when a partner does forget or simply doesnt bother. I had an ex that was like it occasionally and it was always difficult to decide if to do the same back "in revenge" or not especially as I did enjoy actually planning stuff etc and so the revenge would impact both of us

psychopathbabble

dizsiebubba wrote: »

Is part of the reason it upsets you so much that you are unhappy with your relationship on the whole?

Really??

Come on, can't OP be just a bit miffed that she always goes to effort on his birthday but he won't even get the kids to give her a card?