not celebrating birthdays etc- a big deal?

PoorCharleyBear

My H is always happy when I make his birthday special, but he has no interest in doing the same for others.

It was our 10th wedding anniversary recently and he forgot it and did nothing.

Then last week it was my birthday and he did absolutely nothing for it- no card, no present, no special treatment. !!!!!! all.
He did say (after the event) -'I'll get you something at some point'...but to me this misses the whole point of a birthday. It is one day of the year which is yours and yours alone to be spoilt a little.
I have gone mad at him about this before (as he regularly 'forgets; my birthday). To him it is water off a ducks back. This year he has not even commented on my vent and told our kids to shut up about it.
Some workmen in our house gave our small daughter pen and paper to draw me a card- he did not even think of that.

In future I am only going to make a fuss of the kids birthdays. But do I really want to be with someone who sees nothing in life worth celebrating, or am I being oversensitive?

amyloofoo

Not celebrating birthdays is not a big deal, but only if that's your choice. You have made it clear to your OH that you consider them to be special, and his continuing failure to make even the most basic attempt at observing this shows a lack of respect for you. Forgetting the odd birthday or anniversary is no big deal, but refusing to acknowledge the upset caused is much more serious. I think you need to make it very clear to him how you feel about his lack of consideration and set clear consequences for what will happen in the future. Is it just birthdays or is this a general pattern in the relationship?

mildred1978

PoorCharleyBear wrote: »

My H is always happy when I make his birthday special, but he has no interest in doing the same for others.

It was our 10th wedding anniversary recently and he forgot it and did nothing.

Then last week it was my birthday and he did absolutely nothing for it- no card, no present, no special treatment. !!!!!! all.
He did say (after the event) -'I'll get you something at some point'...but to me this misses the whole point of a birthday. It is one day of the year which is yours and yours alone to be spoilt a little.
I have gone mad at him about this before (as he regularly 'forgets; my birthday). To him it is water off a ducks back. This year he has not even commented on my vent and told our kids to shut up about it.
Some workmen in our house gave our small daughter pen and paper to draw me a card- he did not even think of that.

In future I am only going to make a fuss of the kids birthdays. But do I really want to be with someone who sees nothing in life worth celebrating, or am I being oversensitive?

Yes, I'm married to one of these as well. We had to go into town early on our anniversary last month (8) because he needed to buy me a card before we went for a meal. Apparently he was too busy for all the weeks beforehand to spend 2 minutes on the moonpig site.

My birthday is a few days after our son's, so everybody forgets about that now as well.

Have tried explaining that its important to me to mark birthdays, and all I want is a card, but it falls on deaf ears.

System

Its my husbands birthday in just over a week and i'll be doing for him exactly for him as he did for me.... naff all.

balletshoes

if its important to you, then your husband should respect that, and certainly not have a go at the kids about it when they mention it in any case.

adult birthdays in our household are not celebrated, but thats because its not important to either of us.

dizsiebubba

My OH is a bit pants at birthdays to be honest... but I love them and enjoy spoiling him!

It doesn't bother me as much as it seems to bother you, but then I am happy with every other aspect of our realtionship and know he loves me but his mum was rubbish and never set a good example of birthdays being special so he doesn't think how I do...

Is part of the reason it upsets you so much that you are unhappy with your relationship on the whole?

catkins

I agree with other posters that if both of you celebrating or not celebrating birthdays etc that is fine. If you don't both feel the same though that can be a problem.

I am lucky that my OH always remembers my birthday, our wedding anniversary and valentines day and buys me a card and present(s) and I do the same for him.

In fact when we first met over 30 years ago OH said he thought birthdays should be a very special day and that neither of us should work our birthday and we should go out for the day. Over the years we have always done that (sometimes going away for a few days) apart from probably 2 or 3 times when one of us has not been able to get the time off work.

I don't think you are being over-sensitive at all - it's not that big a deal for him to buy you a card and a small present is it?

mildred1978

Judi wrote: »

Its my husbands birthday in just over a week and i'll be doing for him exactly for him as he did for me.... naff all.

When my next one comes around, if there's no card I shall be taking his credit card diamond shopping.

luxor4t

You are not being oversensitive.

Unfortunately, he probably will pretend there's nothing wrong if you 'forget' his birthday. Maybe you could try writing a letter explaining how it makes you feel.

Mine 'forgot' (aka could not be @rsed) to do anything about my 50th, despite having had an all-singing, all-dancing three day major event for his. I still can't describe how I felt about it.

chris_n_tj

What does Hubby feel like when you forget? Oops I bet you dont forget though do you.
So in future do nothing for his, no card no gift, ziltch narda nothing. Dont even mention it. Whats betting he will be £*&^%£ off when he realises there is nothing. He might say he isnt bothered but you can bet he will be.
When you do cards and gifts for the family dont put his name on, just sit back and wait for the fallout. Tell him once, and once only when a birthday is due (but not yours) and leave it at that. If he forgets then thats his lookout not yours.
If a family member asks why there is only your name on the card/gifts then tell them straight, no beating about the bush, see if that shames him. xx

PS; do the same at Christmas xx

mildred1978

chris_n_tj wrote: »

What does Hubby feel like when you forget? Oops I bet you dont forget though do you.
So in future do nothing for his, no card no gift, ziltch narda nothing. Dont even mention it. Whats betting he will be £*&^%£ off when he realises there is nothing. He might say he isnt bothered but you can bet he will be.
When you do cards and gifts for the family dont put his name on, just sit back and wait for the fallout. Tell him once, and once only when a birthday is due (but not yours) and leave it at that. If he forgets then thats his lookout not yours.
If a family member asks why there is only your name on the card/gifts then tell them straight, no beating about the bush, see if that shames him. xx

PS; do the same at Christmas xx

I think I'm going to come up with a list of jobs that *must* be done on his birthday. Cleaning the drains/painting the hall/resealing the bath. .......................:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: