not celebrating birthdays etc- a big deal?

catkins

loracan1 wrote: »

or maybe, just maybe they just don't care about birthdays, and it's nothing to do with how they feel about their partner at all?

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Voice of reason!

Surely if someone cares about their partner and they know their partner does care about birthdays, anniversaries etc then it's not much to ask that they make at least some small effort is it?

Also I would think the OP's partner does care about birthdays or at least his own as she says she always does something for him and he is happy with that. Why does he not tell her not to bother if he doesn't care about his birthday?

It mainly seems to be men who can't be bothered - why? As I said before, if they are with someone who also does not care about birthdays etc fine but if not they should make an effort.

I think it is nice to celebrate someone's birthday even if you don't have much money. To me, and OH, it is also nice to celebrate our wedding anniversary and Valentines Day even after 33 years of marriage

seven-day-weekend

We sometimes do birthdays.

Never have done Valentine's Day, Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Usually do Wedding Anniversary, especially last year when it was our 40th.

Surely as long as you know your partner loves you and they are nice to you in other ways, it doesn't matter if they forget your birthday? My husband knows the date of my birthday. The trouble is, he never knows when it is that date.

seven-day-weekend

catkins wrote: »

Surely if someone cares about their partner and they know their partner does care about birthdays, anniversaries etc then it's not much to ask that they make at least some small effort is it?

Also I would think the OP's partner does care about birthdays or at least his own as she says she always does something for him and he is happy with that. Why does he not tell her not to bother if he doesn't care about his birthday?

It mainly seems to be men who can't be bothered - why? As I said before, if they are with someone who also does not care about birthdays etc fine but if not they should make an effort.

I think it is nice to celebrate someone's birthday even if you don't have much money. To me, and OH, it is also nice to celebrate our wedding anniversary and Valentines Day even after 33 years of marriage

Yes I agree if it matters that much to one partner, then the other one should make an effort, even if they DO thhink they are making a fuss about nothing.

I also agree it is not about money.

Torry_Quine

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

We sometimes do birthdays.

Never have done Valentine's Day, Motherr's Day or Father's Day.

Usually do Wedding Anniversary, especially last year when it was our 40th.

Surely as long as you know your partner loves you and they are nice to you in other ways, it doesn't matter if they forget your birthday? My husband knows the date of my birthday. The trouble is, he never knows when it is that date.

I think if you both agree not to mark special dates that's fine although it wouldn't suit me. We always mark every birthday, anniversary and Valentine's Day as we were married then.:o Have always marked our parents' mother's and father's days but with nothing too much.

Yes to me it would matter if he forgot my birthday or I his. He was born between Christmas and New Year and as a child got 'large' presents which were nothing of the sort and I have always made a point of marking his day seperately.

that said we do do special things for no reason at all.

seven-day-weekend

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I think if you both agree not to mark special dates that's fine although it wouldn't suit me. We always mark every birthday, anniversary and Valentine's Day as we were married then.:o Have always marked our parents' mother's and father's days but with nothing too much.

Yes to me it would matter if he forgot my birthday or I his. He was born between Christmas and New Year and as a child got 'large' presents which were nothing of the sort and I have always made a point of marking his day seperately.

that said we do do special things for no reason at all.

Yes, so do we

catkins

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

We sometimes do birthdays.

Never have done Valentine's Day, Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Usually do Wedding Anniversary, especially last year when it was our 40th.

Surely as long as you know your partner loves you and they are nice to you in other ways, it doesn't matter if they forget your birthday? My husband knows the date of my birthday. The trouble is, he never knows when it is that date.

I know my OH loves me and he shows it every day but it does matter to me that he remembers important dates. I don't expect large expensive presents but a card and a small gift is not much to ask is it?

I am lucky because, as I said, OH thinks birthdays etc are important even though his parents never thought so. He always remembers and depending on money, will buy an inexpensive present, a more expensive present, take me for a meal, make a meal, take me away.

We don't have children but do have pets and always give the other a silly mothers or fathers day card from the pets and usually a small present.

Maybe it's just that we like buying/doing things for each other as we do buy things for the other all year round and take them for a meal or a night(s) away

PoorCharleyBear

I have not had internet access for a few days.

Kids (who are little and don't understand subtlety) said 'but you got a card from us' and OH said to them not to go on.
So he understands I am very unhappy but has done stuff all about it. He just seems to out very little thought into the bits which make life a lot more fun.

pmlindyloo

Does he actually forget the date of your birthday or does he know but just doesn't bother?

If it is the first then I would be helping him remember - large notices everywhere - IT'S MY BIRTHDAY IN -- DAYS TIME and do a count down. HAVE YOU BOUGHT MY CARD YET???? You get the idea.

If it's the latter then you need to sit down and explain to him how you feel. Talk about wanting the children to feel birthdays are a celebration of life and for them to see that in your family. If he's bone idle then I would be inclined to buy a card for myself and wrap up a small pressie - do everything to celebrate in front of the children. Anniversaires - well I forget them!

Communication is the key here. if you feel birthdays are an important part of family life then you need to get him on board even if you have to do all the leg work yourself!

Try to keep a sense of humour about it if everything else in the garden is fairly rosy.

seven-day-weekend

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I think if you both agree not to mark special dates that's fine although it wouldn't suit me. We always mark every birthday, anniversary and Valentine's Day as we were married then.:o Have always marked our parents' mother's and father's days but with nothing too much.

Yes to me it would matter if he forgot my birthday or I his. He was born between Christmas and New Year and as a child got 'large' presents which were nothing of the sort and I have always made a point of marking his day seperately.

that said we do do special things for no reason at all.

Just to add, we did do Mothers and Fathers day when our parents were alive. I am soon going to visit my birth mother for the first time and will send her a card and pressie too, next Mother's day.

I just meant my husband and I have never done them with our son (although now our son has a girlfriend she always gets him to do something )

geoffky

I would be divorced if i had done what your husband has...