Pros and cons of being a single mum

Wellyboots6

Oooh lots to think about, thank you

I think I would probably go down the fostering route if I were going to do this, just because I don't know I could justify having my own child by IVF or however, when there are so many children looking for homes that I could help.

I suppose I do like the idea of experiencing being pregnant though, assuming that is even a possibility.

Person_one

I'll be honest, I don't understand all the fuss over 'male role models'.

If the child has people in his/her life who will love them and demonstrate moral, kind and positive behaviour, what does it matter what gender they are?

Wellyboots6

I suppose it depends on the gender of the child.

Like a girl growing up with only a father would need women around she could trust to ask about facts of life type stuff.

Same as I wouldn't have the first clue how to teach a boy how to shave! He could end up with nice smooth legs but I'd struggle with a top lip!

meritaten

There are good reasons why single parents are able to foster. I would talk to social services and other single foster parents - but, if you feel you need to look after a child(ren) while you are single, I don't see why you shouldnt.

faerie~spangles

Actively choosing an unwitting sperm donor in order to fulfil your need/want to become a mother, is, IMHO selfish. You are choosing to deny the child access and knowledge of the paternal side of their family.

Actively choosing to become a foster parent and possibly adoptive is admirable.

Parenting as dammed hard.

Cute baby>tantrum toddler. The next bit is/was easy.

Hormonal teenager becomes a stranger and you wonder why this alien from the planet Teen has taken the place of your much loved baby.

Errata

Do some solid research on how children of single parents fare in all domains.

Yorkie1

faerie~spangles wrote: »

Actively choosing an unwitting sperm donor in order to fulfil your need/want to become a mother, is, IMHO selfish. You are choosing to deny the child access and knowledge of the paternal side of their family.

Just checking that by using "unwitting", you refer to getting pregnant naturally but without the 'father' knowing about it subsequently?

The rules now for donor IVF are that the donor is not [edit: permanently] anonymous and can be contacted once the child is 18.

RadoJo

I have a six month old baby, and one of the topics that frequently comes up when I talk to other mums is 'I don't know how single parents cope' - it can be hard even when there are two of you and your families to help, so I am genuinely amazed that anyone survives bringing up a baby on their own. From that perspective the only 'pro' I can see to being a single mother is if it's the only way you can have a baby and you really feel as though your life would be unbearable if you didn't do so.
Having said that, I think that fostering is a great idea - you would have an instant support network in the form of people whose job it is to make sure you are getting on ok as well as people in the same position as you. Also, presumably, most of the children you would be caring for would at least be that little bit older and not so totally dependent on you physically as well as emotionally as a brand new baby, although obviously a child in that situation will need a special person to help them through it so if you could be that person then I am sure it would be hugely rewarding. Good luck with whichever route you take - who knows, you might even get to try both!

GobbledyGook

I think it entirely depends on your circumstances. Do you have a support network around you of family and friends who will give your child a family network? Particularly in terms of if you ever need childcare - not even for the drastic of 'what if you get hit by a bus type things?', but for things like what if you need a simple hospital procedure that requires a whole day or an overnight or if your car breaks down and they need collected or you break an arm or leg?

Do you have people who could help with a baby in its first few weeks if you have a c-section or tough birth and struggle to be mobile afterwards?

Finance and work wise how does your job/career fit in with childcare? Can you afford full time childcare or can your job be changed to part time? What about when they start school, can you afford wrap-around care and what about the holidays?

Do you like socialising and nights out? Are you happy to not be able to do that in the same way anymore? How is your personality when under pressure? When my second was tiny she screamed for 3 hours every night. It didn't matter if you lifted her, rocked her, tried to feed her, put her in the cot, put her in the pram, put her in the boundy chair - it was just what she did. The only thing that got me through that was being able to say to my other half 'I need to escape' and getting out for 15 minutes or whatever and he was likewise. If you are alone you can't do that - there's no escape, only you.

Being a single mother in some ways is uncomplicated. When my ex and I first split he took nothing to do with things for a couple of months and in many ways not consulting another person made things easier as you only have to form your own opinion on something and go with it. Tbh that's the only plus I can think of. Everything else is much easier with two pairs of hands.

emsywoo123

*Robin* wrote: »

kids need two committed parents.

Ok, I'll just give up on my children now then as neither of mine has this.

What a narrow minded and arrogant post.