Pros and cons of being a single mum

Wellyboots6

Thoughts please?

I have no children yet but would like children in the future.

Just thinking of what the future might look like if I don't meet a suitable partner!

no-oneknowsme

Im a bit confused by your post if Im honest. Without a "suitable partner" as you put it , how exactly are you going to have a child???

Sounds like you are planning to do the deed with someone just to get pregnant and then you dont intend to raise the child with them hence your question about being a single Mum..

Maybe I am wrong...

*Robin*

no-oneknowsme wrote: »

Im a bit confused by your post if Im honest. Without a "suitable partner" as you put it , how exactly are you going to have a child???

Sounds like you are planning to do the deed with someone just to get pregnant and then you dont intend to raise the child with them hence your question about being a single Mum..

Maybe I am wrong...

I thought the same.. How sad - no child would ever choose this option for themselves; kids need two committed parents.

Wellyboots6

Maybe a little bit wrong no-oneknowsme

Ideally I would be in the perfect relationship with the perfect man before having children, but these things tend not to happen to me!

I had a discussion with someone the other day though who mentioned they thought I would be an ideal candidate for fostering. I hadn't really considered it before and it got me thinking.

If I really want children, how much do I let the lack of relationship affect things?

What are the pros and cons to being a single mum?

How do finances work? Including if I were to foster?

What sort of support is there for new mums (outside of family/friends)?

All just thoughts and interest, nothing definite happening. I am just interested in peoples views.

Wellyboots6

*Robin* wrote: »

I thought the same.. How sad - no child would ever choose this option for themselves; kids need two committed parents.

What are your reasons for this? This is the sort of thing I am interested in

fluffnutter

It's not a lifestyle choice to undertake lightly. Parenting is hard work, really, really hard. Without the support of a partner you'll find it unbelievably lonely. Much, much more important than that though is how you'd provide decent male role models for your child.

I'm not averse to single people going it alone; personally I think it's worse to miss out on being a mother than it is to decide to have a child on your own. But you've got to do it right. And that means having a supportive family and friends and people, men particularly, who will care for your child too.

lovewealthhappiness

I probably wouldn't think about going down the sperm donor route personally because of the emotional aspect of it, but I think there's a lot to be said for adopting or fostering and helping a child that may not necessarily have had a good future ahead of them. I'd say there are also a lot of children out there who have been badly affected by two parents and might have been better off with just one, but I do agree that in general two parents are better than one, but at the end of the day it's how well you bring the child up. One great parent is better than two uncaring bad parents.

System

no-oneknowsme wrote: »

Im a bit confused by your post if Im honest. Without a "suitable partner" as you put it , how exactly are you going to have a child???

Sounds like you are planning to do the deed with someone just to get pregnant and then you dont intend to raise the child with them hence your question about being a single Mum..

Maybe I am wrong...

Never heard of IVF? That could have been an option..

Wellyboots6

fluffnutter wrote: »

Much, much more important than that though is how you'd provide decent male role models for your child.

And that means having a supportive family and friends and people, men particularly, who will care for your child too.

What sort of male would make a decent role model? (not quite sure how to word that better without sounding like I am looking for a shopping list!)

I have male family members, the closest of which is my brother and his partner (male).

I also have male friends, but not that I see regularly enough to fit in to the 'role model' category as I guess that needs to be somebody you see fairly often and is reliable etc.

fluffnutter

katy721 wrote: »

What sort of male would make a decent role model? (not quite sure how to word that better without sounding like I am looking for a shopping list!)

Well, what do you want for your child? It doesn't matter who he is, or what relation is he to you, it's about his qualities. But if you're asking someone to play a part in your child's life, then he's either going to be a very close family member or a partner! That's what makes this type of thing so difficult. It's not fair to deny your child a father figure, but is there someone in your life who would fit the bill...? Only you know that.

cottonhead

I will probably get shot down for this but I want to be honest or there is no point giving my opinion. Choosing to be a single mum would be totally stupid in my opinion. If it happens because its totally unavoidable then thats different, but if its through just getting pregnant by anyone or using a donor or not being in a comitted relationship I think its totally selfish. You have to put the child first. You might give them all the love in the world and all the toys they want and they might have a great network of family and a great education but nothig replaces having both parents and there is the possibility that if you deny your child that chance they wont like you much for it it future. Also on a practical note - the expense and time involved. How would you manage finacially ? Can you afford the childcare you need whilst you go out to work ? How about getting a lie in once in a while and someone to share the special moments and to look after you when you are down ( becauase having kids is a very stressdul and emotional business ! ). Also how will you explain to your child when he asked why dont I have a daddy ?
As for fostering thats different. If a child has come from a bad situation and needs a stable place to live for a while why not. Good on you if you can provide that. But having a child of your own with no dad. Plain selfish is what I think.