Do I have to do this????

Errata

loobylou2 wrote: »

Thats a good idea but he would probably just go out and get another set of keys cut and be back behind the wheel again in no time at all, he's forever losing his car keys, glasses etc and when he's lost them he just moans about the cost and replaces them. I think it will take someone with a bit of authority standing up to him and saying that he can no longer drive to make him stop driving. He's had medical treatment for cataracts and I was hoping that the hospital would tell him he'd got to stop but they don't appear to have done so and as I've already said my opinion counts for nothing as I don't drive . Its just a vague thought but isn't there a law or something that says you have to retake your test once you reach a certain age?

Not sure what you mean by medical treatment. If he's had surgery for them then he should be fine. There's no law about retaking a driving test for age related reason.

Savvy_Sue

Couple of things: there is a long list of medical conditions you need to declare to DVLA, so well worth looking through that list to see if he has any.

But the other is that he MUST tell his insurer about these points, and he may find at that point that the costs of his insurance go up so much he has to give up. Has he done that?

loobylou2

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Couple of things: there is a long list of medical conditions you need to declare to DVLA, so well worth looking through that list to see if he has any.

But the other is that he MUST tell his insurer about these points, and he may find at that point that the costs of his insurance go up so much he has to give up. Has he done that?

I didn't know that, I have no idea tbh but I will mention it to him when I'm back on speaking terms with him and try and make sure that he lets them know, I am barely speaking to him at the minute as am scared I'll say something which I'll regret later. I'm just struggling to get my head round the fact that this happened in September last year and February this year and he never told me. Sometimes I feel more like this mans mother than his partner!!!!

Dunroamin

loobylou2 wrote: »

I didn't know that, I have no idea tbh but I will mention it to him when I'm back on speaking terms with him and try and make sure that he lets them know, I am barely speaking to him at the minute as am scared I'll say something which I'll regret later. I'm just struggling to get my head round the fact that this happened in September last year and February this year and he never told me. Sometimes I feel more like this mans mother than his partner!!!!

I'm sure that's the way it seems to many of us reading your posts but it's very confusing as to why you've allowed this situation to go on for so long, much less to have had children with him!

Savvy_Sue

Actually, if you asked him to leave, he might not be homeless. If he's drawing a pension, and has no resources of his own, then there might be sheltered accommodation he could rent. It could be worth you phoning the local council's housing dept, if you didn't want to come right out with it you could say you are concerned for 'an older man you know' whose housing situation is very difficult and he thinks he may be asked to leave.

You might also consider writing to his GP: you could say you are concerned about him driving, and ask if the GP can check whether any of his diagnosed medical conditions should be reported to DVLA.

I'm just wondering what effect all these years of difficulty have had on your children, however. You sound as if you think you're powerless, and 'can't help' the situation. But you do have choices. Not easy ones, but choices nevertheless.

FBaby

This thread its confusing me maybe I didn't read it all properly. If he had two fines for speeding/lauding a read light how is this related to his medical record. Sounds more like an issue with recklessness. Had he been unlucky our is he really driving like a maniac? If he is but won't acknowledge it there isn't much you can do. As for the issue of having to share your financial details that's nothing to do with the fines but his not managing his finances properly and not being responsible for his actions which is a much more seeded problem to tackle.

Janepig

As others on here have pointed out, a Means Form is just so that the Court can set the correct level of payment according to what the Defendant's disposable income is - everyone who appears in Court for sentence has to fill one in. Fail to provide that information and the Court will just expect the money in full asap and that can lead to more bother. If they've got the information before them they can decide what the defendant can afford (ie, £20 per week) and can set the level of payment accordingly.

Jx

persa

loobylou2 wrote: »

Theres a reason why I'm so upset and so if I appear to be going OTT I apologise but its not nice feeling. I've spent the last 16 years bailing this man out of trouble and solving his problems for him and I'm getting really fed up of it.

You have my sympathy, I know what it's like to feel you've turned into your OH's mother/PA.

In your shoes, I think I would have filled out the form properly (very law abiding, me), but then sent it back to the Court directly with a short note explaining the circumstances and not let him see.

I have no experience in these things, but I would hope the Court would tell your OH "You must pay £X" rather than "You must pay £X because your OH earns £XX,XXX.XX".

loobylou2

Dunroamin wrote: »

I'm sure that's the way it seems to many of us reading your posts but it's very confusing as to why you've allowed this situation to go on for so long, much less to have had children with him!

'm just wondering what effect all these years of difficulty have had on your children, however. You sound as if you think you're powerless, and 'can't help' the situation. But you do have choices. Not easy ones, but choices nevertheless.


Mainly because he hasn't always been like this, we've been together for 16 years and he was a lot younger than he is now when I met him and had the children with him. His health problems have arisen as he has got older and he has also become a lot more difficult to live with although I have always had to sort out his problems for him. He's not a bad man though ( just like most people capable of behaving like a complete idiot at times!!!) and I still love and care about him, I also worry about him a lot more than I used to as well. I just want to do the right thing for all my family and I don't think that the children have been affected much at all tbh, they know that even though their dad is a lot older than me they have a mum and dad who love and care about them and each other and thats a lot more than an awful lot of their friends seem to have. They are just typical self absorbed teenagers. I don't really want to start dissecting my relationship though, I just wanted to find out what to do about the form and why I needed to have my details on it. Thank you everybody for all your help, it has been much appreciated and the points made have been taken on board.

Dunroamin

loobylou2 wrote: »

Mainly because he hasn't always been like this, we've been together for 16 years and he was a lot younger than he is now when I met him and had the children with him. His health problems have arisen as he has got older.

But you said in your first post,

" The house is in my name and I have always paid pretty much for absolutely everything food, bills, clothes the lot etc apart from expenses relating to his car as he drives and I don't."