Christmas Presents!

jennyo

Tinks, it must be very hard for you we all like to feel all our children are treated equally and get the same.
My poor mum had a similar if slightly different situation many years ago. There were 3 of us 2 older siblings from one marriage, then me from a second also defunct marriage. I still saw my father, my siblings didn't see theirs, hence at Christmas my stocking was always full, theirs less so as only pressies from my mum.
I know she tried to find the money to spend a little more on them, but being a single mum in the 60's there wasn't a lot of spare cash.
I hope you can find a solution you all feel comfortable with.

skibadee

Well after reading both of your threads OP I personally think there is something deeper than xmas presents and holidays here.

You say your husband is 20yrs older than you....does he have anyother children?

I'm going to say something that won't go down very well.....but.....I get the feeling there is alot of resentment in your family from your husband and older children.

rachbc

My son and daughter have differnet dads. I treat them equally - what hhe gets from his dad is totally irrelevant. Littlest is jealous cos she wants a 'step dad as nice as daddy' and doesn't quite get that in order to get a step dad daddy would have to not be there!!

Lunar_Eclipse

Tinks32 wrote: »

They think it unfair that my husband and I are proposing to spend double what we spend on them on our youngest for his xmas and his next birthday.

Did you tell them? Why? I find that a bit strange.

Personally I would try to treat all the children equally, although this wouldn't be by spending the same amount of money on them. An 'equal spend' strategy doesn't take into account the fact that you might find a good deal on a gift for one child (50/70% off) but not another and more importantly, the fact that in general, gifts for younger children are much cheaper than those for older children, even when they have the same basic functionality.

I would simply be thinking about giving all three children an enjoyable Christmas. It's only one day out of a whole year where you can level things up if you feel a need to due to imbalance.

Also, to propose spending double in the first place assumes you have some knowledge as to how much your ex is going to spend on your older children, which I would have thought was highly unlikely.

barbarawright

I just find it a bit odd that anyone would discuss with their children exactly how much they're going to get spent on them for Christmas in relation to each other? I bet all kids think they are hard-done'by compared to elder/younger siblings but surely not many get given the evidence so explicitly.

jem132

My kids keep everything they get from there dad and his family at his house and everything from us hear that does mean that sometimes things are duplicated but we do ask each other what we are getting them so most of the time they get different things. Hope this helps maybe you could suggest they do that .That way you could just spend the same on them all

his_wife

I can see both sides of this,,,, my step daughter gets exactly the same spent as my children get, even though she will get lots of her mum, it isnt her fault her parents split up,,,, on the other side, my children only get off me and my second husband, their dad cant afford to buy for them and his wifes children, so because my children get off me, they dont need off him.

Yes it infuriates me, yes it upsets me, but i look at it, that all the children, get treat the same off me, irrelevant of what they get or dont get of their other parents.

MissKeith

I understand where you're coming from completely. My partner has three kids by his ex partner. She (somehow, despite us working 80 hrs a week between us and her not working at all) spoils them rotten on birthdays and Christmas. She spends literally five times in each child than we do, we simply cannot afford to spend anymore than we already do.

We are expecting our first and I'm worried for the future, we can't afford to spend on our son what she spends on the older kids so either way, it's a tough decision to make. Do we spend a little more on our son so he doesn't feel resentful of everything his siblings get or do we spend equal amounts of money on all of them and our son will just have to deal with getting less? Same with holidays, his ex takes their kids on holiday every year, we would never be able to afford to go on holiday with all the kids so either they get left out or we never get to go on holiday ever.

It's a very hard situation, I'm grateful I won't have to deal with this for a while yet as I'm not due until December 21st.

suki1001

As a child, my parents split up - treating me differently in home home gutted me - it wasn't about the presents. I can tell you which life I'd have preferred. There's nothing worse than feeling like you've entered a competition that you didn't chose.

LannieDuck

Why don't you hold one present for your younger child 'in reserve' and give it to him when the older two go to see their father, so they'll bounce back in with new stuff and he'll have something new too.