Christmas Presents!

Tinks32

I have 3 children aged 16, 13 and 9. the older 2 are from a previous relationship. So xmas and birthdays they always get more spent/more presents bought for them from their dad and his family.
They think it unfair that my husband and I are proposing to spend double what we spend on them on our youngest for his xmas and his next birthday. Our youngest never complains and never says how unfair it is that they get more than him, but last year he has grown up and started answering them back when they mention how unfair they thought it was that he was given more by us than they got from us! He is such a sweet little boy who is so kind and understanding, but I can see how sad he feels that his big brother and sister feel this way. I do feel very guilty that he has something they do not, me living with their father, a happy home life. God I wish I had thought of all of this before I had another family!!! Advice needed! Shoulder to cry on:)

faerie~spangles

What your children receive from their father is nothing to do with you.

You should be treating ALL your children the same

After all they are not responsible for their parents breaking up.

masonsmum

I also posted on your holiday thread and personally I think you are forcing your children to resent everything about you, your new husband, and your youngest!

They dont get to go holidays with you, they dont get the same as their younger sibling for xmas and birthdays! Teenagers are time bombs as it is and I feel so sorry for them! You dont treat your kids equally? My eldest son is from a previous relationship and him and his brother get equal at christmas and birthdays, it is irrelevant what he gets from his father, I do not make a difference between my children and treat them both the same, makes for a happy home!

BeckyC2be

Your older kids are going to grow up really resenting your youngest - it sounds to me like you are quite clearly favouring your youngest child.

bluenoseam

This one I will disagree with you, you should be spending equal amounts on the children in this case, what they get from their father is unimportant. Explain to the younger child that older siblings Dad buys them presents in the same way as their Dad is part of what they get, just that their Dad doesn't live with you.

lazer

I can see both sides to this

I suggest to keep the peace, you get all the children equal presents (jsut from their mother), and your partner gets extra presents for the youngest as his father.

But - he should also get extra presents for the older children as their stepfather - but they could be smaller presents.

However the age gap of your children makes me wonder about their relationship with their stepfather.

As your youngest is 9, and the next is 13, then 15, I am assuming you have been with youer partner for at least 10 years now, meaning your children would have been 3 and 6, at this age, they should treat their step father as they would a natural parent (In terms of love and respect etc, he obviously doesn;t replace their natural father as he is still very active in their lives!), as he has brought them up also and I would like to think he loves them and treats them as his own.

It is different if he only came into their lives as teenagers, as a lot of the growing up has already happened by then!

1940sGal

Hang on a minute, the oldest two get presents from their dad and then some from their mum and step father. The youngest gets presents from his mother and father. How is that uneven??

Moneybot

Doesn't the youngest get presents from your husband's family who don't give to the oldest two?

What the youngest has that the other two don't is a Mum and Dad who are together no amount of extra presents is making up for that.

ps teenagers are by their nature difficult and mostly unlovable they can't compete with a 9 year old.

Tinks32

Zippy, Thank you for looking deeper into the question! I have posted another question too that I am getting a pasting for! I had to think long and hard about asking these question because I sought of knew the reactions that I would receive.... The 2 older children just feel life in general is unfair. They are constantly comparing themselves to others who they feel have more than them and can't feel happy that that someone else has what they haven't got..
I have had to learn all my parenting myself as my mum and dad did not have the tools to show me how to be a parent or a caring partner. (no sob story here, just explaining that I had no role models to show me or advise me). My children also did not have the best start in life. I don't really want to go into things on here because it is a public domain, but lets just say that I am trying my best:)

masonsmum

Moneybot wrote: »

Doesn't the youngest get presents from your husband's family who don't give to the oldest two?

In this instance my partners family also treat my eldest son the same as my youngest, they dont get presents for one and not the other, my eldest calls my partners mum gran and his sisters aunts.

1940sGal

Tinks32 wrote: »

Zippy, Thank you for looking deeper into the question! I have posted another question too that I am getting a pasting for! I had to think long and hard about asking these question because I sought of knew the reactions that I would receive.... The 2 older children just feel life in general is unfair. They are constantly comparing themselves to others who they feel have more than them and can't feel happy that that someone else has what they haven't got..
I have had to learn all my parenting myself as my mum and dad did not have the tools to show me how to be a parent. (no sob story here, just explaining that I had no role models to show me or advise me). My children also did not have the best start in life. I don't really want to go into things on here because it is a public domain, but lets just say that I am trying my best:)

They sound like average teenagers. So hard done by, everything's so unfair, everyone hates them, life is poo...they want everyone to feel sorry for them.

Standard behaviour. Don't fall in to the trap of spoiling them just to stop them moaning. Chances are if you do they'll stop for about a day then go back to moaning.