Christmas Presents!

shegirl

Tbh,I find it quite disgusting that you don't treat your children equally.

Yes,the eldest two may get presents from elsewhere but as a mother you shouldn't be deciding that means they get less than your youngest!

Starb

I have a similar situation to the OP and my personal approach is that what the eldest gets from her father and his family is nothing to do with me and my family. I treat my two children the same and spend the same amount of money on them for presents at birthdays and Xmas.

It is hard when my youngest (now 12) says it's not fair that the eldest gets two sets of presents and is always "spoiled" on the weekends she's with her father, but she has the advantage of living at home with her father and seeing him all the time which my eldest doesn't.

It's never going to be an easy situation, but to be seen to be playing favourites to one of your children is going to create a lot of bad feelings between family members in the future,

gingin_2

Tinks32 wrote: »

I have posted another question too that I am getting a pasting for!

You're not really getting a pasting. You asked is it unfair or not, and most people are giving considered responses saying it's not fair. It's up to you to process those opinions and do with them what you wish but I would really think about why 95%(ish) responses are of the same opinion.

peachyprice

Wow, what a cruel mother, is all.

londonsurrey

Maybe it's a bit late in the day, maybe you can still start doing this, who knows.

I would be encouraging the children to share what they have. The fact of the matter is that life will not treat them equally, but what they can control is how they treat each other.

Thus in an ideal world, the oldest ones would want to share their "extra" presents with the youngest. I would expand my energies on encouraging this aspect, not on earning more money to "make up" to the youngest. What happens when inheritances come into play?

I assume that you would want the older ones to treat the youngest as a sibling in all respects, not as a half sibling. Watching the parents they live with not treating them all the same will not be conducive to this.

JodyBPM

Your older children may get a few extra presents from their birth dad, but your youngest child gets to live with both his mother and his father together, I can see which of your children are getting the thin end of the wedge, but can you?

Perhaps if you're really that bothered about treating your children equally, you could kick your DH out, then your youngest can get two sets of presents too, after all, that would make things "fair" wouldn't it...

Your poor two older children, they must feel so hurt and left out.

charlieismydarling

TBH I feel very sorry for your two elder children.

I haven't heard one redeeming feature about either of them mentioned by you.

Their step father seems to dislike them, you treat them differently and take the younger one on holiday without them.

Judging by your posts you are excited about this planned holiday and if you talk the same way at home as you do here, it is no wonder you have problems with them.

Unfairness shown towards children during their childhood by their parents is a lifelong hurt that will never go away.

Do you love your children equally? If you don't, you really should at least pretend too.

As for your partner, he needs a kick up the bs for allowing this and why the hell does he not get on with them? Why doesn't he try harder.

Your poor kids.

londonsurrey

Above and beyond the value of transitory presents is the value of family that you will leave them, how they value each other, treat each other, look out for each other. Even when you are gone, they can pass this on to their offspring and how these children treat their cousins and extended families.

1940sGal

Some here have made a good point. It shouldn't actually matter how much you spend on each child. They should be grateful for anything they receive. I am 3 years older than my sister and it was a general rule in our family that the older you got, the less you got.

What sort of values are these children going to take in to adult life if all they're concerned with is 'but you spent more on him than you did on me'. What if the older child wanted an expensive gadget? Judging by this they should still get that plus whatever else is being spent on the youngest. What nonesense.

cbrown372

Tinks32 wrote: »

I have 3 children aged 16, 13 and 9. the older 2 are from a previous relationship. So xmas and birthdays they always get more spent/more presents bought for them from their dad and his family.
They think it unfair that my husband and I are proposing to spend double what we spend on them on our youngest for his xmas and his next birthday. Our youngest never complains and never says how unfair it is that they get more than him, but last year he has grown up and started answering them back when they mention how unfair they thought it was that he was given more by us than they got from us! He is such a sweet little boy who is so kind and understanding, but I can see how sad he feels that his big brother and sister feel this way. I do feel very guilty that he has something they do not, me living with their father, a happy home life. God I wish I had thought of all of this before I had another family!!! Advice needed! Shoulder to cry on:)

why are you saying that you are proposing to do this when obviously you already do?