Drowning!!!

mania112

tonibetha wrote: »

interestingly, sky decided to give me the line rental free for 6 months (with no contract tie-in) if i will keep the sky movies. Which means i get sky movies for only £3.75. Yay!!!

This is actually the problem.

You think you've done something to save money, but you've ended up paying £3.75 per month more than you intended.

ChopinonaBudget

tonibetha wrote: »

Hi everyone,



Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet


Car(s).................................. 3000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 3000

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
HSBC credit card...............1000......18.25.....21.9
HSBC overdraft.................2250......37.32.....19.9
Family.........................8922.9....660.......0
Barclaycard two................1085......23.85.....29.9 you could pay off this and .......
Barclaycard one................5800.84...130.5.....19.9
Lloyds.........................667.52....11.5......20.9
Capital one....................2400......43.8......21.9 most of this just by selling your car
Natwest Credit card............1867.25...42.02.....21.9
HSBC loan......................7152.93...250.......8.9
Total unsecured debts..........31146.44..1217.24...-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,256.71
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,698
Available for debt repayments........... -441.29
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 1,217.24
Amount short for making debt repayments. -1,658.53

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 3,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -31,146.44
Net Assets.............................. -28,146.44

You've been given an awful lot of great advice about your finances, and I would agree it doesn't look like you've had your LBM yet.

If I were in your shoes, I would prioritise getting my daughter back home, rather than spending money I don't have on going out looking to meet someone to have more kids with.

Netwizard

ChopinonaBudget wrote: »

You've been given an awful lot of great advice about your finances, and I would agree it doesn't look like you've had your LBM yet.

If I were in your shoes, I would prioritise getting my daughter back home, rather than spending money I don't have on going out looking to meet someone to have more kids with.

Most certainly this. Well said

*Robin*

Your diary is well-named, Tonibetha:

Drowning itself is quick and silent......A person drowning is unable to shout or call for help, talk, reach for rescue equipment, or alert swimmers even feet away, and they may drown quickly and silently close to other swimmers or safety......To the untrained eye [drowning] can look similar to calm safe behaviour (extracts from Wikipedia).

Hmm; calm demeanour, no evidence of panic - that describes your posts rather well, Tonibetha. You appear to be in very great danger, because you have not yet had your 'Light Bulb Moment' which will cause you to reappraise your priorities. But you still have time to save yourself; you've taken a very valuable first step by starting your diary - well done! :T

tonibetha wrote: »

Turns out the dinner was free, so only cost me gas money.
"Gas" - are you from the US? This would explain your acceptance of very high motoring costs when the car is only used for work one day a week.
the medical bit is for contact lenses.
Or you could get two pairs of glasses for £69 from a high-street optician chain; they would last you two years. Going back to disposable lenses is a luxury to look forward to once your CCs are paid off.
the car was a wedding present from my sympathetic parents, as i tried to save up for it forever but could never manage it. its my main luxury
If you really want to pay off those debts, all luxuries must go until your finances have been sorted out.
I know everyone has commented about the car insurance, but i got the lowest quote i was given (i'm hoping this goes down yearly)
Luxury again - this cost would vanish if you sell the car that you do not need.
the clothes is a new planned spend as i'm ashamed to go out as all my clothes are old and faded (i'm actually hoping i can fit it into the miscellaneous spending.
Ebay, dress-exchange and charity shops can all provide bargains which will ensure you are tidily dressed for work and leisure. It's even fun and very satisfying finding a good deal. If a new outfit is essential, buy it in the sales - underwear is the only exception if you're serious about saving money.

I have to go out, im not getting younger, and i would like to meet someone to have more kids with, so wouldnt help me to stay at home and use DD for entertainment
..This comment is really upsetting! You have already farmed out one child and appear reluctant to spend time with the other - yet you want to find a new man and bring more children into the world. :eek: Do you really, honestly, think that is fair on the children you already have?
i would love to cut the sky completely and plan to do so (including the landline) when i'm out of contract in Feb 2013
Great idea; the sooner the better.
for hair, i keep hearing about student nights etc, but have never managed to find one (wouldnt mind some links)
Why do you not braid a friend's hair, and let her do yours? Cost - nothing but a little time.
The other insurance is laptop (macbook) and iphone insurance.i plan to change these to contents insurance instead (need to do a bit of research to see if that would cover it)
Good idea to have contents insurance; specify your high-value/risk items. Interesting that you have Mac and iphone electronics - the most expensive brands available. Learn that durable and functional is good, trendy but pricey is bad. However both brands command a good re-sale price so could be replaced with a simple mobile and maybe a Dell laptop, which will also reduce your insurance premium.
the car is my biggest unnecessary spend. but i remember how many years i dreamt of it before i got it....can't go back to that
Would you rather go bankrupt? You can always buy another lump of metal once you've paid off your debts, if it's still a priority then of course. I note that it was a wedding present - well, the husband is history so why not the car?
dunno how i can afford the holiday next year (need money to cover me and DD's flights, accomodation and outfits for the wedding). We haven't seen my brother in 7 years. Now he's getting married and its a big reunion thing.
Sounds like this will be a big expense - a worthy treat to save up for if you can manage to live frugally now.
I thank you all for your input.
We are all trying to help.
My first step will be to try to fit all my weekly spending into the £50 cash and stop using my credit cards (they keep increasing my balance, not fair)
Great idea to take out the cash for your weekly budget and leave the cards at home; it's much easier to keep track of your spending. You can refuse offers to increase your limits.

I'm a bit confused - your parents could afford to give you a car, but now you are paying for them to have a maid so that your DD2 can live with them, because they are too frail to care for her?
..Doubt I am the only person who is wondering whether sending your children to grandparents is part of your cultural tradition? (I know several mums from the Philippines who are working in the UK and sending most of their wages home where their children live with family - but every single one lives as economically as they can, and they return home as soon as possible once their children's education, or a home for their parents, or whatever they are doing it for, has been provided).

It is not at all normal in the UK where most Mums would go without meals for the sake of their children, and walk on hot coals rather than do anything which might not be in the child's best interests. As your DD2 is young enough to need child-care, she also needs her Mum! "A few months" apart is too long for a young child to maintain a good relationship with Mum - you and her sister will become strangers. Except in cases where it's absolutely unavoidable due to serious illness or incarceration, it is very hard to see how such a separation is in the child's best interests.

Surely your children's welfare is your number one priority? Paying off loans & CCs is a good second, as that will enable you to provide a better life for your family.
As for running a car you can't afford, huge contact lens and hair-dressing bills, buying new clothes and make-up, going out to attract a new man* - sorry but I just don't understand why you think any of that is important.

* The best way to achieve this is to stop looking! ..Self confidence, competence and success running your own life are traits much more likely to attract the notice of a partner who you'd be happy to share your life with.

tonibetha

thanks for your input guys. i am really interested in saving money, and i think leaving my cards home and trying to spend max £50 a week is a very small step, but for a spendthrift like me, it is a significant one.

I only have one child DD2. She is my life and i send money for her school so that she will be happy and have other kids to play with. I have been very depressed over the breakdown of my marriage and have not been the best company for her. She is only gone till July 2013 (she left a couple of weeks ago). I have been miserable since she left but have skyped with her a few times and she looks really good and seems happy. She is a wonderful, happy child and i am usually a very involved mum. I know i might seem flimsy, but i have actually had no social life for the past two years as i cannot bring myself to leave DD when she is here (plus could not afford the extra childcare costs). I was too attached and did not think it was fair on her. I send the money because I want to pay for my own child (not depending on anyone to do that). I hear her singing when i call and i know that she is happy. I do call every day.

I am only really starting to try going out (i am very reserved and prefer doing chores at home, this is part of why my marriage failed, the fun was missing). I am aso just starting to try to shop for clothes ( i am clueless about clothes and hate shopping for them, its so intimidating). part of the reason for the debt is that my flat was completely unfurnished when we moved in (still furnishing it slowly). I have most of the basics, but need the small items (eg curtains etc)

I have taken your advice on board and am also trying to do the money makeover on this website.

Please bear with me, i might be starting slowly, but i do intend to complete the journey.

Ladybird.

I have been trying hard not to be too judgemental whilst reading your posts about your daughter, but as a mother of a 2 year old myself, I am struggling to get my head around it at all.

I'm sure it is not the case in reality but your posts read almost as though you have farmed your little girl abroad just to free up time and money (money that you can't afford anyway) to rekindle your social life and find a new man rather than having any serious intention to make a real positive difference to your finances.

Children don't need lots of money or expensive things- they thrive on love and plenty of time spent with them. I find it incredibly difficult to comprehend how someone is able to prioritise expensive luxuries like cars and make up over their baby. I also wonder how your daughter will cope when she returns home in July 2013 and is forced to sever the close bonds she will have made with your parents by then

It sounds as though you have had a really tough time over the last couple of years with your marriage break up- being a working single mum to a baby is exhausting at the best of times but with depression in the mix it must be doubly hard. I wish you the very best on your journey.

Have you tried entering all of your debts into a snowball calculator? I found this a real eye opener when it came to understanding the amounts we were paying in interest on our debt, and also understanding the big effect even small overpayments could have on the amount of interest we pay overall and the time it will take us... http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

jo-bo

tonibetha wrote: »

I only have one child DD2.

part of the reason for the debt is that my flat was completely unfurnished when we moved in (still furnishing it slowly). I have most of the basics, but need the small items (eg curtains etc)
The other insurance is laptop (macbook) and iphone insurance.i plan to change these to contents insurance instead (need to do a bit of research to see if that would cover it)
.

As you can see this doesn't make sense. You have no curtains but you have top end gadgets!!
I wish you well on your journey but I think at the moment you're still half asleep.

tonibetha

thanks ladybird

i'm not really searching for a new man. love happens without u searching for it. and i do want my husband back, truth be told.

the real reason i sent DD abroad is because i am in a really dark place right now, and i do not think it is fair to drag her into it with me. i have been trying to be happy around her, but its been increasingly hard. i know that all she needs is one happy parent, and i am trying to use this time to process everything that has happened over the last two years and get myself out of this depression.

It is even harder because my baby is gone, but everytime i call and hear her singing, i remember why i am doing this. i know it will be hard for her when she comes back, but i will be there and will do my best to make it easier for her. the bond with them will not be stronger than the one i have with her (we are extremely close). Everything i do is for my child, don't worry.

thank you so much for your kind input

tonibetha

i got the gadgets last year. at the time i did not have any plans to move (i was still living with my husband)

The split/move happened very suddenly in December, and i squatted with my brother in a very child-unfriendly building (had to keep DD quiet as the neighbours complained) before finding this flat in January (i was desperate , and its cheap,luckily)

exarmydreamer

In your initial post you say, you can't afford child care and work and that you are seeking child support from your ex. You do realise you won't be able to claim for her if she is not resident with you.

I doubt very much your daughter will return next year, I believe you will drop further into a mess before you realise your mistakes. I hope this isn't the case but i'd sell everything I owned, live like normal (frugal) people who don't need to spend money on stuff to try to attract someone new or help them feel better.

Hair, make up, car and posh gadgets or love and company of your girl. I'm not sure your have had that LBM or if your just playing about with this forum but I know what my priorities are and I have 4 children, 3 disabled and i've cleared almost 30K of debt. Sorry, if it sounds hard but your child should be with a least 1 parent, and as you have said your parents are frail. They should not be put on, and you should sell everything possible to face your responsibilities. Good Luck.