Drowning!!!

meer53

tonibetha wrote: »

i can tell you're not black. Basically we have kinky hair that needs to be in something as it is unmanageable. So its either braids or a weave. Weaves are expensive, and braids are better.

Both are cheaper than having your own hair (due to the maintenance/salon visits needed). Some pple use wigs but they are expensive and short-term.

With regard to CCCS and CAB, they might be able to help but the long term implications are not worth it

No. i'm not black but i do have black friends who manage quite well without braids or weaves. Whats wrong with having your hair as it's meant to be ?

As far as CAB and CCCS are concerned, they definately will be able to help you. The long term implications WILL be far worse if you don't ask for help or take notice of what people here are saying. Do you really want to be forced to go bankrupt ? How will you pay for your daughter to stay with her grandma then ? Because thats where you're heading.

For goodness sake, wake up, and accept that you can't possibly go on like this. Cutting £50 here and there is not going to work. You need professional help. Please admit to yourself that you're in far too deep a mess to get yourself out.

chevalier

Once the promotional rates end on your cards, you will be unlikely to get more credit, as you have so many open already. Even if you did ALL the things suggested here. You will still have a shortfall every month.

This means that at some point you are going to default (ie break your contract) with these credit providers? At this point your credit rating will rapidly slide downhill. This is inevitable. So perhaps it would be better to do this in a more controlled way, and contact CCCS or Payplan who can arrange a debt management plan which will allow you to pay your debts over a longer time.

Surely this is would be less stressful. Hell if you do this you will be able to bring your daughter back too. The only thing I can think of for not doing a debt management plan, is if it effects your citizenship application.

good luck, think hard about this. CCCS has a debt remedy plan on their website which will allow you to make a more informed decision.
chev

Mama-afrique

Tonibetha. I have using mse for years but having now been compelled to register and comment. We are similar WA background, around the same age difference being I have 2 kids to support not 1.
The reality is you need to look at your debt as the weight holding you back not a slight inconvenience.
My suggestions:
Ditch the hairdresser - I subscribe to YouTube links that teach you how to manage your own black hair. Get the hait products (max £10 that will last months) and girl, do your own hair.
Family loan: your family know your situation, they also know you are making tough choices by sending your DD to stay with them. Ask for a 3 month payment hiatus and use it to clear/significantly cut down at 2 of the CC. And then get RID of them. This does 2 things. One the temptation goes to spend on them and, as you said you've felt depressed etc it gives you a sense that you can do it. I can't tell what a high it was to draw a line through a paid off debt.

I understand you don't want to upset your dad - but having had to do the same myself, i found that parents jusr need to know you are not freeloading - let him know the full situation and give him your clear plan to ensure he is not out of pocket because of you.

The car: it's been said(over said even). Don't let vanity ruin you please! That house you want to buy (with the deposit from your dad) will come a lot quicker. The insurance can be claimed back once you sell.


Wish you the best on the journey
You definitely need to add to your income but please do all that you can with what you already have

googler

Nobody NEEDS Sky TV.

To keep yourself occupied in the evenings, get a book from the library. Listen to the radio. Try some creative writing.

etc etc

tonibetha

I was so upset yesterday when i sent my last post, but i feel better now.

I thank you all for taking the time to spell things out so clearly. I have been looking at youtube, i am trying to think of ways to reduce the hair costs (might need to invest in tongs and a blowdryer or get one off freecycle)

I do plan on getting out of the sky thing in Feb 2013 when my contact ends.

the one thing i cannot bring myself to part with is my car (i've tried to consider it, but i cant do it).

I actually have to pay for my citizenship application next week (£840) so i am considering skipping a couple of my dad's payments. I dont know how to tell him, tho. I dont think my family have an idea of my true financial picture. It's difficult to talk about money....

I will take a look at the CCCS website.

Thank you all for your suggestions

Jox

Well done Tonibetha, there's a lot of tough love on these boards but it's for a reason, to help you become debt free and reunited with your daughter.

My husband is applying for citizenship next week too, 851 plus 50 to the council for their nationality checking service so he doesn't have to surrender his passport, eek, so expensive but it will mark the end of a 4 year journey for us, from spouse visa then ILR and now British Citizenship, yippee

Take care, well done on the decisions you have made xx

meer53

tonibetha wrote: »

I was so upset yesterday when i sent my last post, but i feel better now.

I thank you all for taking the time to spell things out so clearly. I have been looking at youtube, i am trying to think of ways to reduce the hair costs (might need to invest in tongs and a blowdryer or get one off freecycle)

I do plan on getting out of the sky thing in Feb 2013 when my contact ends.

the one thing i cannot bring myself to part with is my car (i've tried to consider it, but i cant do it).

I actually have to pay for my citizenship application next week (£840) so i am considering skipping a couple of my dad's payments. I dont know how to tell him, tho. I dont think my family have an idea of my true financial picture. It's difficult to talk about money....

I will take a look at the CCCS website.

Thank you all for your suggestions

Please contact CCCS you'll feel so much better after speaking to them. You will be able to see a way forward then.

As for your car, just think about how much you will be able to save by getting rid of it, plus how much you'll be able to pay off your debt from the sale. If you can use public transport for now, it's just a millstone around your neck.

As for your family, would you rather tell them now that you're having problems, and are trying to sort it out ? Or later when you're considering bankruptcy ? You never know, they might be able to help you. If not financially, then emotionally.

You sound as though you're starting to realise what you need to do, just think of it as a new start, not as something that's making you give up things.

Speaking to CCCS and admitting to your family how you're struggling will make a huge difference to how you look at things.

*Robin*

tonibetha wrote: »

@Robin: i am sad that you've given up on me, and I would like to thank you for your input so far...Good luck

Hello again Tonibetha, sorry for my last post; was having a bad moment myself.

tonibetha wrote: »

I was so upset yesterday when i sent my last post, but i feel better now.

I thank you all for taking the time to spell things out so clearly. I have been looking at youtube, i am trying to think of ways to reduce the hair costs (might need to invest in tongs and a blowdryer or get one off freecycle)

I do plan on getting out of the sky thing in Feb 2013 when my contact ends.

the one thing i cannot bring myself to part with is my car (i've tried to consider it, but i cant do it).

I actually have to pay for my citizenship application next week (£840) so i am considering skipping a couple of my dad's payments. I dont know how to tell him, tho. I dont think my family have an idea of my true financial picture. It's difficult to talk about money....

I will take a look at the CCCS website.

Thank you all for your suggestions

It is so good to see that you are starting to wake up to the reality of the horribly precarious situation you are in. If you need a further spur, have a look here:

http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/britishcitizenship/eligibility/goodcharacter/

The section that jumped out at me is this:

Your financial background

If you have been declared bankrupt at any time you should give details of the bankruptcy proceedings. Your application is unlikely to succeed if you are an undischarged bankrupt.

I cannot think of a more compelling reason for you to do more than look at the CCCS website; it's time to contact them so that you can prove you are in control and doing your best to pay down your debts responsibly.

Your hair; why not give it a "number six" all over - personally I think nothing looks better on a black girl as it's simple, sophisticated, and will show off your amazing bone structure! It would also look good when sporting a pair of sexy specs - and allow you to ditch two expenses completely: Win win!

The car: Sorry I just don't understand why a £3K lump of metal is so precious to you. It reads that you think more of the ruddy thing than you do of your daughter's welfare - think about that please.

Thank you for joining in Mama-afrique, I'm sure your imput will be very helpful to Tonibetha as you can understand the particular issues faced by women from your shared background.

Upsidedown_Bear

*Robin* wrote: »

The car: Sorry I just don't understand why a £3K lump of metal is so precious to you. It reads that you think more of the ruddy thing than you do of your daughter's welfare - think about that please.

This ^^^^^^^^^

Rainbow_Bridge

Welcome Mama-afrique, what a lovely user name.

Well done Tonibetha for having the courage to face the music!

Onwards and upwards xx.