Wife won't allow our children to see grandparents

stressed-eric

Hi,

My wife and I have been married for 15 years and have 2 children aged 9 and 6. My wife's family live abroad in asia, and so we don't get to see them as often as we would like (once a year maybe).

Recently my wife's mother became ill, and it was a very stressful time for us. Fortunately she is now making a good recovery.

My wife however has taken against my parents, saying they ignore her, and she now refuses to let them visit us at our home or for me to bring our children to their home. This has been going on for some time and is causing an enormous amount of stress for my parents, who love their grandchildren dearly.

I feel like I am being torn apart as I am in the middle of this horrible situation and just want things to go back to how they were.

Any advice much appreciated.

BitterAndTwisted

Being ignored isn't a good enough reason to stop children seeing close members of their own family. What's the real reason?

marisco_2

Either she gives you extremely good reason why two loving grandparents shouldn't see your children, or you tell her straight that she is being unreasonable and this status quo wont be accepted. If she wants to sulk and carry on like a child then let her, but dont put up with her making you or the children cut two people out of your lives.

Its not on to freeze people out for no good reason. It sends a totally wrong message to children about being fickle with love and not bothering to work on relationships. Grandparents play a vital role in childrens lives. They can offer different perspectives and impart years of knowledge and wisdom. The way she is behaving at the moment effectively makes any relationship for you and the children extremely uncomfy with two people you all love. She needs to grow up a bit and stop being so selfish doesn't she.

How would she like it if you made the same demands of her?

Tiglath

Do they ignore her? Did they previously like her and accept her?

themull1

Take the kids to see your parents - tell her to stop being stupid. Ta da!

suited-aces

You need to hear her out. There are two possibilities, 1) your parents are genuinely being horrible to her and you need to find out how and address it with them or 2) they're grand and she's suddenly just very jealous of your relationship with them, in which case you need to put your foot down with her and let her know that trying to cut you off from your family without a damn good reason is a form of domestic abuse.

cte1111

You shouldn't be in the middle IMHO, you should be right at your wife's side trying to work this problem out with her.

It's difficult hearing criticism of your parents but I would say you need to set time aside to really listen to her issues with them and try to resolve them, rather than ducking out and saying you are 'stuck in the middle'.

I think people are being hard on your wife in their responses, as someone who finds relations difficult with my in laws, I would like to hear her side before jumping to the conclusion that she is being somehow abusive.

sunflower_2

my husband would take no notice of me if i was being so selfish.

the kids should be able to see their grandparents, nothing is their fault.

take them and let your wife get over her issues.

SailorSam

stressed-eric wrote: »

Hi,
My wife's family live abroad in asia, and so we don't get to see them as often as we would like (once a year maybe).

My wife however has taken against my parents, saying they ignore her, and she now refuses to let them visit us at our home or for me to bring our children to their home. This has been going on for some time and is causing an enormous amount of stress for my parents, who love their grandchildren dearly.

Are we talking about two different lots of parents here. Your wifes who live in Asia and yours that you want the kids to see.
I wondered what the connection was between your parents and your inlaws.

Kimberley

They are YOUR children too so take them to see your parents if this is just about your wife having a strop. However if it is because of something else more serious like your wife falling out with them over something major then you need to support your wife.

daska

I strongly suspect that there is something at the root of this which either

a. you have been told and ignored because you don't consider it serious

or

b. your wife has been unable to vocalise because she believes you won't take her feelings seriously.

You need to have that conversation and make sure you hear what she's saying.

N.B. I'm not saying she's right or that you should automatically do what she says, only that you need to make a real effort to hear and understand her reasoning.