Should a3year old sit at the table to eat

mumps

AlisonHarrison wrote: »

I think I will enjoy it.
We did probably our last family holiday last year (Kids are age 23 and 18) and we did a tour of the southern states of USA. We flew back home from Orlando and went to Disneyland. (Pathetic or what at their age) We had such fun. We went to one of the hotels for lunch and I said to them that when I have grandchildren and I have loads of money because I don't have to spend my money on boring things like school fees, contact lenses, food etc I am going to bring them to stay here!

That sounds fun and 18 and 23 sounds perfect to me and I think the idea of taking your grandchildren there is great. Due to my husbands health we cant travel that far now but I am looking at if it is possible to take all my brood, kids, their partners and my grandchildren as well as husband of course, to EuroDisney next year to celebrate my 60th, not sure if it is going to be possible but I would love it. Even if it can't happen I am having fun thinking about it.

AlisonHarrison

margaretclare wrote: »

In fact, one of the hurtful remarks my daughter used to me was 'How can you live in this cultural desert?' when she was talking about an ancient Greek civilisation which she was studying at the time and DH said he'd never heard of them. I am the one who has bitten my tongue more times than I can remember.

Isn't being part of a family all about "biting your tongue" and compromise? That is how families function and stay together.
So your daughter thinks it is uncultured to not be interested in Greek Civilisation. You think it is uncivilised not to eat at the table.
Who is right? Well actually neither of you. That is the whole point, each person is different.
You are doing well to be still speaking to each other if you hurl insults like this at each other.
In fact what I wrote does apply to you. You have come on a public forum comparing your own daughter and her family with someone else. Would you not think she would be hurt by all of this?

AlisonHarrison

mumps wrote: »

That sounds fun and 18 and 23 sounds perfect to me and I think the idea of taking your grandchildren there is great. Due to my husbands health we cant travel that far now but I am looking at if it is possible to take all my brood, kids, their partners and my grandchildren as well as husband of course, to EuroDisney next year to celebrate my 60th, not sure if it is going to be possible but I would love it. Even if it can't happen I am having fun thinking about it.

I think you will have a ball Mumps. We did not stop laughing from 9am to 11pm. We were in there for so long.
You have such a brilliant attitude.
I am quite sad at the moment. My youngest has gone to Uni to study medicine (miss her dreadfully).
My son is working all hours as he has a new job. He is still living at home saving for a mortgage and seems like he will be stuck here forever.

suki1001

I too have those terrible memories of being made to eat till I'd finished. On one occasion at primary school, someone had put salt in my apple crumble and custard and the dinner lady didn't believe me and attempted to make me eat the salty dish.

So my aim was to get my children to enjoy the social interaction of eating together at meal times and preparing the food beforehand. The manners were a good thing to learn, but I don't believe that families should be miserable sitting at the table.

When we think that good manners hark back to a time when manners became fashionably important and there were so many rules that it was difficult to keep up with them. Those rules weren't there before the 18th century.

I agree that children should learn differences in certain settings "when in Rome" - unfortunately there is no one rule in the OP's house. It's irrelevant who's right, they need to agree on something and stick to it otherwise it's confusing.

To help my sister, who has a niece whose appetitie is tiny, I play a game with her called "guess what you've just eaten"! She shuts her eye and guesses what she's eaten. She enjoy it so much, that she usually finishes her dinner and she enjoys the attention and everyone laughs as they watch her pretending to close her eyes so she can have a sneaky peak. She's sitting at the table, she's enjoying social interaction, her food and she's polite and is happy to stay at the table. It helps my sister because it can be stressful when your child won't eat and it can make mealtimes not a happy place to be.

Op, people say - our, house, our rules, but you don't have them, just alternative views. As your wife isn't bothered and you are concerned about your grandchilds table manners, could you take an alternative approach. Pretend you are playing cafe's, restaurants or dinner parties. Make a menu (you don't have to put a choice on), you can explain the rules or what you expect from her, but in a sort of "in a restaurant/cafe this is what people do". You could even involve her, let her decorate the menu. Make it fun, officially greet her - "madam let me show you to your table" have conversation ready, you could give her a character "Mrs smith, she's very posh, she always does this, she always sits at the table until she's finished."

Finally, i think sitting and eating at a table aren't the only things that help children with their concentration, if you want to help improve it, I'd suggest lots of stories, specific other role playing games such as shops, but anything that doesn't envolve flitting from one thing to another.

Anyway - I'm very happy to see that everyone on here has impeccably well behaved little angels

TimBear

I haven't read the whole thread but I think young children should definitely sit at the table to eat with everyone else! And while we're at it, I think they should have whatever everyone else is eating (allowing for allergies etc.), not a 'kids meal' (chicken nuggets, chips...etc. etc).

MarilynMonroe_2

kizzie_nikita wrote: »

Have you never even told her to try ONE? It's not poison. There are many things i never thought i'd like, still my mum told me to try one....i eventually did, and in fact still like them. Of course not every child will like everything you give them, but they won't know until they try.

I laughed at this!

daska

mumps wrote: »

I don't understand why you were baffled, Maman was talking about what was most important and I replied with what I thought was most important. I don't need to put my foot down about loving my children Maman presumably did feel the need to put her foot down about what was important to her.

My children grew up eating everything, we were lucky with my first two as we travelled alot and they would eat all sorts of things but I never forced them to try something, that was what I didn't understand in your post the need to force him to try it.

Then you were lucky, DS2 has been incredibly difficult until recently, pretty much only pasta and carrots if he'd had his way - he likes them both raw, it's a sensory thing! But both are willing to try things now and feel free to enjoy them. We have a policy of trying one new thing a week and that might be a different colour of tomato, whitebait (fish with eyes), snails, figs, whatever I happen to spot. And I guess it's just me, I'm still baffled as to how one puts one's foot down about love, how do you enforce 'love', surely that's an oxymoron

sunshinetours

WLM21 wrote: »

Can you please settle a family argument ?

I think my 3y 3m Grandson should be made to sit at the table to eat AND stay there until his dinner or whatever is finished. I remember as a child having to do it, even ending up eating cold food if I messed around too much.

My wife thinks it is OK to run around and having some food every few minutes. Her excuse ... He is only 3.

Surely I am right. The sooner he learns to sit there, the better for everybody. We always eat at the table.

Luckily he only visits us, and doesn't stay with us all the time ... because mealtimes always seem troublesome because of this.

In the mornings, my wife likes to feed him porridge and he is running about, while she struggles to feed him. I just want to make things easier.

thank you

Simple answer yes they should. However he's not your child so i would suggest a word with parents first.

I'm appalled at poor table manners by many children. ours were taught from when they were old enough to sit at a table that you stay there whilst eating (and as they get older to stay there whilst everyone else is eating)

Instilling basic social graces and etiquette whilst young is exactly the right time to do it IMO

maman

mumps wrote: »

If some people want their children sitting at the table at 3 that is great, if someone else is happy for their child to run around eating finger foods then that is great as well. There is nothing magical about eating at a table at 3 and I think it would be great if people just accepted that all families do things a little differently but most of us get to the same place in the end.

AlisonHarrison wrote: »

I think this is one of the most sensible thing that has been said on this discussion.

I know we'll never agree on this one (but it's been a good conversation ladies & gents:)) but I really can't believe anyone really thinks it's a good idea for children to run around eating??

margaretclare wrote: »

None of what she writes has ever applied. In fact, one of the hurtful remarks my daughter used to me was 'How can you live in this cultural desert?' when she was talking about an ancient Greek civilisation which she was studying at the time and DH said he'd never heard of them. I am the one who has bitten my tongue more times than I can remember.

I had a very amusing experience a while ago: we were on a river trip on Lycian coast of Turkey, having visited ancient sites and then eaten a fantastic Turkish banquet. A youth with his parents had sat throughout on the boat with his earphones on and picked at his food. I then heard him say to his mum 'I can't wait to get back to civilisation, I could murder a cheeseburger!'. We're all different!

mumps

daska wrote: »

Then you were lucky, DS2 has been incredibly difficult until recently, pretty much only pasta and carrots if he'd had his way - he likes them both raw, it's a sensory thing! But both are willing to try things now and feel free to enjoy them. We have a policy of trying one new thing a week and that might be a different colour of tomato, whitebait (fish with eyes), snails, figs, whatever I happen to spot. And I guess it's just me, I'm still baffled as to how one puts one's foot down about love, how do you enforce 'love', surely that's an oxymoron

Was I lucky? Perhaps my way just worked better? Perhaps my 4 were just naturally good eaters? Well no not any of them really as one of mine had a problem with eating in that they have no feeling of hunger. As an adult you can deal with this by setting the clock for meal times and eating enough but for a child it is hard.

I never had a policy on trying one new thing so some weeks they would try alot of new things (when we visited the village in North Africa and stayed with a local family) or nothing new on another week. In the end both achieve the same thing. Does it get hard thinking of something every week? Just thinking one a week for several years adds up to alot of new things but I suppose if you are very specific it would work e.g. is a grape one new thing or could you have black grapes one week and green another week? I probably didn't have a policy as I would be trying to work out the categories and forget the food.

Putting you foot down, I don't know how else to explain but I will try once more, Maman was talking about putting her foot down, I wasn't. She was also talking about what was important (and therefore she would put her foot down about) and I said I thought love was more important than the things she was putting her foot down about. I never meant and I don't think I said I put my foot down about love just that it more important than table manners or whatever Maman thought was important. I'm not really sure if you aren't understanding or trying to wind me up so I shall end it there.