Should a3year old sit at the table to eat

MarilynMonroe_2

I think its awful making a child eat something just because you ''know'' they'll like it.
I believe they should have freedom to choose themselves, and you took that choice away.
Thats not how to earn trust from a child.

I have served carrots to my daughter for 2 1/2 years and she has never eaten one yet, but I wouldnt dream of focing her to eat one because I ''know'' she'd like it.
That sounds like a very Archaic thing to to do.
You might also assume now you're doing the right thing but how do you really know your child isnt harbouring nasty thoughts about you for it, cos I can tell you from my side at the time of me being little I wouldnt have said a thing but I would have definitly thought stuff.
As for them just eating fish eyes, they probably think you'll force it down them anyway if they said no!

kizzie_nikita

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

I have served carrots to my daughter for 2 1/2 years and she has never eaten one yet, but I wouldnt dream of focing her to eat one because I ''know'' she'd like it.
That sounds like a very Archaic thing to to do.

Have you never even told her to try ONE? It's not poison. There are many things i never thought i'd like, still my mum told me to try one....i eventually did, and in fact still like them. Of course not every child will like everything you give them, but they won't know until they try.

andygb

We have nieces, and when they were growing up, their parents took them to Maccy D's every weeked (they were not hard up either), simply because they would cry if they were in town and did not go there. Fast forward to the present, and they feed their own children on rubbish, ready made buffet food, takeaway pizzas, Nandos and burgers. They then complain when the children go down with regular bouts of "funny tummy".
If you constantly give in to children's every demands then they will run rings around you.
A bit of discipline early on will pay dividends in the future.

AlisonHarrison

margaretclare wrote: »

I agree with this. This is what I would do. Your house, your rules.
His own 2 GDs are very different. There's a huge solid kitchen/dining table in their big kitchen and it's very much as I've always done. It's a place for social gathering, interesting conversation, good food enjoyed in a pleasant atmosphere.

Your house, your rules is fine. However, saying that you need to teach your grandchildren to be more civilised is first not your job and secondly must have been very hurtful for your own son/daughter if thats what you thought when they visited you.
I think it must be also very hurtful if you constantly critisise and compare them against others in the family.
My friend's mother in law did this. She used to constantly get at my friend and her husband about what the children did or didn't do and compare my friend's children against her own daughter's children. It caused much upset and eventual estrangement. One of my friend's daughter is getting married just before Christmas and guess who is not invited. It is so so sad.
As I have said, my own view is to eat at the table. But is its only my own view.
However, I totally agree with Mumps. She has some wise words. Sitting at the table is fine if that is what you want. Not her view, but that is her view.
I am used to sitting at the table so if I had grandchildren coming I would probably do this same. But would I cause friction by making a big deal of it or by saying that I needed to teach them to be more "civilised"? Absoloutley not. I hope that my children will love their children coming to visit a grandmother who loves them as much as they do and accepts them for what they are.
You are fortunate that your son/daughter and grandchildren have tolerated this and are still part of your lives. My friend's husband is very upset at the way things have worked out.
I think this discussion is very interesting to see how different families behave. Not all families are the same. It would be a boring world if they were.

AlisonHarrison

mumps wrote: »

If some people want their children sitting at the table at 3 that is great, if someone else is happy for their child to run around eating finger foods then that is great as well. There is nothing magical about eating at a table at 3 and I think it would be great if people just accepted that all families do things a little differently but most of us get to the same place in the end.

My advice as a mum and granny is enjoy your little ones.

I think this is one of the most sensible thing that has been said on this discussion.

NewKittenHelp

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

OP I agree with you.

Your house = your rules IMO.

IMO your daughter is storing up trouble allowing this to happen but that will be her problem.

However, in your own home you are perfectly within your rights to expect a certain level of behaviour, this is in no way dictating to your daughter how she brings her child up.

Afterall, if she allowed your grandson to run all over the furniture with his shoes on at home would/should you do the same for example?

Is it not his wife's home too? There goes gender equality!

andygb wrote: »

No, the OP is not wrong, simply because two other people have the same views. How is a child going to learn social skills, if the parents are pandering to their every whim, and worse, their bad behaviour. What an absolute nightmare, having to sit through a family meal, when there are children running around wild, eating at the same time.

He's wrong because the child's mother and father make the decisions in parenting of their child, not the grandfather. He can't even pull the 'my house, my rules' card because it's not just his house and his wife agrees with his daughter.

It's obvious from his posts that he cares more about being right than he does about his daughter's right to parent her child as she sees fit. That won't end well for him.

mumps

daska wrote: »

Again I think you've misunderstood me, I was baffled as to your response to a post. Maman made a comment about putting your foot down over important issues and you responded that love was at the top of your list. I asked how (because I didn't understand your response about putting your foot down about love) and then you said you didn't know 'why' and answered a completely different question (again?).

Mumps - Why did I want him to try ice-cream. Erm... because it's nice? No, seriously, I needed him to trust me that I wasn't trying to get him to eat things I knew he wouldn't like. And to do that I had to make him try something I knew he would like. And it worked, he would eat pretty much everything I suggested (even fish with eyes), to the amazement of other parents LOL. And now that DS2 has developed a little in his communication skills I'm doing exactly the same and he also, aside from the ASD/ sensory issues that mean he won't eat 'white' or 'orange' etc is happy to trust me as well.

I don't understand why you were baffled, Maman was talking about what was most important and I replied with what I thought was most important. I don't need to put my foot down about loving my children Maman presumably did feel the need to put her foot down about what was important to her.

My children grew up eating everything, we were lucky with my first two as we travelled alot and they would eat all sorts of things but I never forced them to try something, that was what I didn't understand in your post the need to force him to try it.

mumps

AlisonHarrison wrote: »

Your house, your rules is fine. However, saying that you need to teach your grandchildren to be more civilised is first not your job and secondly must have been very hurtful for your own son/daughter if thats what you thought when they visited you.
I think it must be also very hurtful if you constantly critisise and compare them against others in the family.
My friend's mother in law did this. She used to constantly get at my friend and her husband about what the children did or didn't do and compare my friend's children against her own daughter's children. It caused much upset and eventual estrangement. One of my friend's daughter is getting married just before Christmas and guess who is not invited. It is so so sad.
As I have said, my own view is to eat at the table. But is its only my own view.
However, I totally agree with Mumps. She has some wise words. Sitting at the table is fine if that is what you want. Not her view, but that is her view.
I am used to sitting at the table so if I had grandchildren coming I would probably do this same. But would I cause friction by making a big deal of it or by saying that I needed to teach them to be more "civilised"? Absoloutley not. I hope that my children will love their children coming to visit a grandmother who loves them as much as they do and accepts them for what they are.
You are fortunate that your son/daughter and grandchildren have tolerated this and are still part of your lives. My friend's husband is very upset at the way things have worked out.
I think this discussion is very interesting to see how different families behave. Not all families are the same. It would be a boring world if they were.

Thank you Alison, the funny thing is my children (all adults now of course) did sit at the table, they wanted to I didn't force them. We enjoy cooking and eating, my eldest son was a demon baker and with some help as a three year old his chocolate cake was very popular. He is still a great cook although I haven't seen his chocolate cake for a while. They all enjoyed cooking and then sitting down to eat it was no big deal. My grandchildren also eat at the table, again it has never been an issue and if they are enjoying something on TV or feeling anti social they can eat on the sofa. We don't worry about the mess as the dog is better than any vacuum and any food they drop wouldn't even touch the floor before the dog got it.

A friend of mine remarried, two families became one with remamrkably little fuss until the first Christmas. Of course Santa left everything in the child's bedroom, no it is stockings in the sitting room. Santa brings everything, no family gifts are given and Santa's offerings are from Santa. Nearly ended in another divorce before some compromise was made. It caused alot of discussion in our circle of friends as everyone thought the way they did Christmas was the "right" way and were amazed that other families did something else.

It is terribly sad that your friend and her husband are estranged from his mother. Everyone loses out in this sort of situation.

I am sure you will love being a grandmother when the time comes, it is like all the best bits of being a mother with the time and experience to enjoy it like it really should be enjoyed.

margaretclare

Your house, your rules is fine. However, saying that you need to teach your grandchildren to be more civilised is first not your job and secondly must have been very hurtful for your own son/daughter if thats what you thought when they visited you.
I think it must be also very hurtful if you constantly critisise and compare them against others in the family.
My friend's mother in law did this.

I perhaps used the word 'civilised' inadvisedly, but AlisonHarrison above has picked up on this word and taken it far beyond what I ever intended.

None of what she writes has ever applied. In fact, one of the hurtful remarks my daughter used to me was 'How can you live in this cultural desert?' when she was talking about an ancient Greek civilisation which she was studying at the time and DH said he'd never heard of them. I am the one who has bitten my tongue more times than I can remember.

Historically, it has been down to grandparents to pass on civilisation, culture, values etc to the young, when parents were busy with mere survival. Maybe it just doesn't apply any more.

AlisonHarrison

mumps wrote: »

I am sure you will love being a grandmother when the time comes, it is like all the best bits of being a mother with the time and experience to enjoy it like it really should be enjoyed.

I think I will enjoy it.
We did probably our last family holiday last year (Kids are age 23 and 18) and we did a tour of the southern states of USA. We flew back home from Orlando and went to Disneyland. (Pathetic or what at their age) We had such fun. We went to one of the hotels for lunch and I said to them that when I have grandchildren and I have loads of money because I don't have to spend my money on boring things like school fees, contact lenses, food etc I am going to bring them to stay here!