How do you deal with lies and liars?

vanderlyle

I am wondering how you deal with lies that are told about you?

In the past 2 years I have been accused of the worst things imaginable by my ex, and she has told so many lies about me to various people, including doctors, psychiatrists, social workers, and the police.

Luckily the police have not taken any of her allegations further due to lack of evidence but I still feel like I am vulnerable to more of her lies in the future.

It also seems that the more I tell the truth and supply evidence to disprove her allegations, the worse I come off.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Fire_Fox

Welcome! Take legal advice since it is going as far as telling the authorities/ trying to get you into trouble.

HeadAboveWater

Depends on your ex. Unfortunately it sounds like you and my OH were married to the same woman... :eek:

fluffnutter

The more you deny something, the guiltier you tend to appear. If these lies are unfounded (they wouldn't be lies otherwise!) and no one's taking them seriously, then why not just ignore it?

It's frustrating for sure but rise above it. What else can you do? You can't stop her, unfortunately. Unless you have her murdered. Which is illegal (and expensive).

MrsAtobe

vanderlyle wrote: »

In the past 2 years I have been accused of the worst things imaginable by my ex, and she has told so many lies about me to various people, including doctors, psychiatrists, social workers, and the police.

Luckily the police have not taken any of her allegations further due to lack of evidence but I still feel like I am vulnerable to more of her lies in the future.

I'd be surprised that the police haven't had a word in her ear about wasting their time, quite frankly. OP, you know her best, but I'd be sorely tempted either to get a solicitor to write her a strongly worded letter, or visit the police with a view to getting her charged with harrassment.

Good luck, it is very wearing wondering what they are going to do next, I have some experience of it.

vanderlyle

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

Depends on your ex. Unfortunately it sounds like you and my OH were married to the same woman... :eek:

Fortunately we were never married :rotfl:

vanderlyle

fluffnutter wrote: »

The more you deny something, the guiltier you tend to appear. If these lies are unfounded (they wouldn't be lies otherwise!) and no one's taking them seriously, then why not just ignore it?

It's frustrating for sure but rise above it. What else can you do? You can't stop her, unfortunately. Unless you have her murdered. Which is illegal (and expensive).

Thanks for your quick replies!

Perhaps I should've explained more... It's a little more complicated as we have a son together (it turns out he's not my biological son, he's my brothers - crazy messed up situation,) so essentially her lies and allegations have two purposes. 1. To prevent contact with my son (he is still my son in my eyes, he's only 5 and still sees my as his daddy) and 2. To ruin my life/new relationship/professional career.

The police haven't taken the allegations seriously but unfortunately it seems social services have their own procedures and will believe whatever they are told without question or without giving me a chance to say my side. This has now impacted upon my contact with my son and that's a separate legal battle I'm fighting at the moment.

I guess my question was more focussed on the emotional side of 'coping with lies and liars' than in a practical way, if that makes sense!

Phew... Sorry for the rambling!

HeadAboveWater

vanderlyle wrote: »

Fortunately we were never married :rotfl:

Good start

Sorry for diverting off your original question

My OH has just had to accept that his ex is simply a psychotic alcoholic and will stop at nothing to make his life miserable, and make things difficult. He got full custody of their 3 girls a few years ago thankfully, but he went through hell to get it. There was no way he was going to let them stay with her.

They've been separated about 6 years and he got his decree absolute through about a month ago (:j), but we know that the stirring will probably never end unfortunately

I do believe that in some weird, warped and strange way, she always has, and probably still does, love her ex-husband, but just can't cope with the feelings. Or something. Who knows what goes on in their heads...

VitaK

You dont have rights over your ex's children.

I too would kick up a fuss if an ex was demanding acces to a child that was not theres, after a relationship have ended. Am I right in assuming the allegations are somehow connected to this.

vanderlyle

VitaK wrote: »

You dont have rights over your ex's children.!

I too would kick !up a fuss if an ex was demanding acces to a child that was not theres, after a relationship have ended. !Am I right in assuming the allegations are somehow connected to this.

Demanding access??? I am not demanding access.

I believed that the boy was my biological son as at the time I had no reason to question it, we were in a relationship, living together and everything was fine. We split when he was 2 and a half because we'd just grown apart and were more like friends. I moved out into my own flat and we continued to be amicable, we still went out on family day trips, she stayed over at my flat occasionally and we shared the care of my son 50/50.

It was only last year during court proceedings (I found out she had plans to move 320 miles away without my knowledge and took her to court to prevent the move... This is when the lies and allegations started) that she claimed that I was not the biological father to my son, it was a massive shock and the court ordered a DNA test. Sure enough I wasn't his biological dad. He was 4 and a half years old by this point.

At that moment, I had to make a choice. I could've walked away and had nothing more to do with the situation, but I couldn't because I couldn't imagine my life without my son. He is still my son, regardless of paternity tests. After a long battle in court the Judge recognised me as a 'psychological father' and I got shared residency of my son, however I was no longer legally in a position to prevent the move that she had planned because of the paternity results.!

My son moved to Cornwall in February this year, and I have had regular contact through Skype and telephone calls twice a week, as well as contact on some weekends and the school holidays. Everything was again going fine, but now I have received an application by my ex, which details that she has been phoning the police on a monthly basis since February reporting 'non-crime domestic incidences' and she has also made further allegations to social workers and psychiatrists.

Although the police are not taking the allegations further (after a voluntary interview at the station) social services are still of the view that her lies are the truth - even though they havent spoken to me about any of it. My ex has also been lying to the school and the doctors about me.

I didn't explain all of this in my original post as it's quite complex (this is just the short story) but I had to respond to VitaK. To confirm I am my sons psychological father and have parental responsibility, as recognised by the court. I am simply not demanding access to someone elses child, this little boy is my son. And my ex is not 'kicking up a fuss' she is trying to ruin my life.

I hope that helps to clarify my situation.

Thank you to the other posters for your advice.

marisco_2

I have gone through similar with my ex. Liars trip themselves up in the end. Each time they weave one of their stories and it is proven to be a lie they undermine their credence. Bit like the boy who shouted wolf. In the end people stop listening.

As long as you know the truth and those nearest and dearest to you believe in you then stop caring what anyone else thinks. I think it is a reflection on your ex and the sad state of her life that she cant just move on and leave you alone.