How do you deal with lies and liars?

marisco_2

When I wrote my last reply I hadn't read about the background to your story and all you are facing. It must have come as a terrible shock to find out that a child you believed was yours biologically isn't.

As you clearly appreciate there is more to being a parent to a child than being there at the conception (I hope this comes across right, I dont want that to sound crass at all). Any man can be a biological dad, it takes someone willing to go the extra mile for a child to be it's father.

Social services have to take any allegations seriously and follow their procedures. Too many children would suffer terribly if they didn't look into each and every claim made. That does not mean they believe what your ex is claiming. No matter what is thrown at you dont give up on your son. He is very lucky to have you.

System

The thing about telling lies is that you have to have a good memory.

No doubt she will trip herself up sooner or later.:)

vanderlyle

Judi wrote: »

The thing about telling lies is that you have to have a good memory.

No doubt she will trip herself up sooner or later.:)

That's what I keep hoping

vanderlyle

marisco wrote: »

When I wrote my last reply I hadn't read about the background to your story and all you are facing. It must have come as a terrible shock to find out that a child you believed was yours biologically isn't.

As you clearly appreciate there is more to being a parent to a child than being there at the conception (I hope this comes across right, I dont want that to sound crass at all). Any man can be a biological dad, it takes someone willing to go the extra mile for a child to be it's father.

Social services have to take any allegations seriously and follow their procedures. Too many children would suffer terribly if they didn't look into each and every claim made. That does not mean they believe what your ex is claiming. No matter what is thrown at you dont give up on your son. He is very lucky to have you.

Thank you It's good to hear that. With so many lies flying round its easy to get bogged down in it all.

make_me_wise

The reason she is doing this, is because all the while you are in your sons life, she knows that one day he will learn the truth about her. That she lied to you and let you believe he was your son for years and years then did all she could to remove you from his life. Not an easy thing to have to answer to with your child when they are old enough to have an opinion on it all. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes in 15-20 years time.

Keep fighting this. Let the lies gradually unravel themselves and stay strong for a little boy you love dearly. A judge has already recognised that you are a positive part of the childs life and deserve to play a role in it.

Conduct yourself through the fight you face with dignity and composure. Never slate your sons mum no matter how justified you may be. Your son will form his own opinions of her by himself in time. Your reward will be your sons respect of you in years to come and the relationship you will share with him.

VitaK

vanderlyle wrote: »

Demanding access??? I am not demanding access.

I believed that the boy was my biological son as at the time I had no reason to question it, we were in a relationship, living together and everything was fine. We split when he was 2 and a half because we'd just grown apart and were more like friends. I moved out into my own flat and we continued to be amicable, we still went out on family day trips, she stayed over at my flat occasionally and we shared the care of my son 50/50.

It was only last year during court proceedings (I found out she had plans to move 320 miles away without my knowledge and took her to court to prevent the move... This is when the lies and allegations started) that she claimed that I was not the biological father to my son, it was a massive shock and the court ordered a DNA test. Sure enough I wasn't his biological dad. He was 4 and a half years old by this point.

At that moment, I had to make a choice. I could've walked away and had nothing more to do with the situation, but I couldn't because I couldn't imagine my life without my son. He is still my son, regardless of paternity tests. After a long battle in court the Judge recognised me as a 'psychological father' and I got shared residency of my son, however I was no longer legally in a position to prevent the move that she had planned because of the paternity results.!

My son moved to Cornwall in February this year, and I have had regular contact through Skype and telephone calls twice a week, as well as contact on some weekends and the school holidays. Everything was again going fine, but now I have received an application by my ex, which details that she has been phoning the police on a monthly basis since February reporting 'non-crime domestic incidences' and she has also made further allegations to social workers and psychiatrists.

Although the police are not taking the allegations further (after a voluntary interview at the station) social services are still of the view that her lies are the truth - even though they havent spoken to me about any of it. My ex has also been lying to the school and the doctors about me.

I didn't explain all of this in my original post as it's quite complex (this is just the short story) but I had to respond to VitaK. To confirm I am my sons psychological father and have parental responsibility, as recognised by the court. I am simply not demanding access to someone elses child, this little boy is my son. And my ex is not 'kicking up a fuss' she is trying to ruin my life.

I hope that helps to clarify my situation.

Thank you to the other posters for your advice.

My reply was in responce to you saying your son was not your biological son, and your ex was doing this to prevent contact.

Your responce does change things.

sassyblue

vanderlyle wrote:

My son moved to Cornwall in February this year, and I have had regular contact through Skype and telephone calls twice a week, as well as contact on some weekends and the school holidays. Everything was again going fine, but now I have received an application by my ex, which details that she has been phoning the police on a monthly basis since February reporting 'non-crime domestic incidences' and she has also made further allegations to social workers and psychiatrists.

What happens on this monthly occasions for her to ring the police? If you could I'd record the Skype conversations and telephone calls for proof, sooner or later SS are going to have to talk to you surely.?

vanderlyle

sassyblue wrote: »

What happens on this monthly occasions for her to ring the police? If you could I'd record the Skype conversations and telephone calls for proof, sooner or later SS are going to have to talk to you surely.?

I don't know what she is saying to the police, it states 'non-crime domestic incidences' and I am not sure what that means. She has made allegations of me stalking her and taking pictures of her so maybe it's that?... Like I could afford the 640 mile round trip to go down to Cornwall to stalk her anyway! It's laughable but at the same time frustrating.

I have recordings and videos which I offered to show the cafcass officer but she refused to see any 'evidence' (as she called it).

It constantly feels like I am banging my head against a brick wall, but I'm hopeful that as you say, someone will have to hear my side of the story soon.

Thank you, all of your comments have been really helplful

vanderlyle

make_me_wise wrote: »

The reason she is doing this, is because all the while you are in your sons life, she knows that one day he will learn the truth about her. That she lied to you and let you believe he was your son for years and years then did all she could to remove you from his life. Not an easy thing to have to answer to with your child when they are old enough to have an opinion on it all. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes in 15-20 years time.

Keep fighting this. Let the lies gradually unravel themselves and stay strong for a little boy you love dearly. A judge has already recognised that you are a positive part of the childs life and deserve to play a role in it.

Conduct yourself through the fight you face with dignity and composure. Never slate your sons mum no matter how justified you may be. Your son will form his own opinions of her by himself in time. Your reward will be your sons respect of you in years to come and the relationship you will share with him.

Make me wise - you are certainly making me wiser! Your post just reduced me to tears - happy ones! Thank you, sometimes I have questioned myself, and wondered why I am putting myself through all of this, because in all honesty it would be a hell of a lot easier to walk away and have nothin more to do with my ex, but then I wouldn't have contact with my son either. I guess what I have to remind myself is that in order to have my son I have to put up with his mother and he more than makes up for any of the lies she throws at me

Thank you for making me see things from a different angle!

**Patty**

make_me_wise wrote: »

The reason she is doing this, is because all the while you are in your sons life, she knows that one day he will learn the truth about her. That she lied to you and let you believe he was your son for years and years then did all she could to remove you from his life. Not an easy thing to have to answer to with your child when they are old enough to have an opinion on it all. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes in 15-20 years time.

Keep fighting this. Let the lies gradually unravel themselves and stay strong for a little boy you love dearly. A judge has already recognised that you are a positive part of the childs life and deserve to play a role in it.

Conduct yourself through the fight you face with dignity and composure. Never slate your sons mum no matter how justified you may be. Your son will form his own opinions of her by himself in time. Your reward will be your sons respect of you in years to come and the relationship you will share with him.

I've bolded that particular bit.......when you have a wobble, come back & look at that.

I have the odd wobble myself, though strangely with my Ex husbands new wifes mudslinging....not him.:o