How do you deal with lies and liars?

HeadAboveWater

:rotfl:

I'm assuming you're referring to the original line by sassyblue, and not the fact that I'm sending it to my OH lol

vanderlyle

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

:rotfl:

I'm assuming you're referring to the original line by sassyblue, and not the fact that I'm sending it to my OH lol

Both lines!!! The fact that you were texting your OH:rotfl: But yes sassyblue's comment was THE best I will certainly remember that one!

HeadAboveWater

:rotfl:

Agreed!!!

sassyblue

vanderlyle wrote: »

That is the best line I've ever heard! :rotfl:

Glad to make you and HeadAboveWater laugh. :rotfl:

It's on my FB page, never a truer line was spoken. Sadly, when l have to say it to myself l am thinking about relatives! :cool:

make_me_wise

I am a little concerned that your ex is saying lies to your sons school.

This seems odd to me for the following reasons. Officially there is no need for the school to know anything about you as you dont have 'parental responsibility'.

I am a year 3 teacher and it sounds to me as if they are picking up signals from your son that suggest he is emotionally troubled by all that is going on. It would be odd for a son with a strong bond with his dad, to be moved so far away with his mum telling awful lies to not be effected by it all.

It seems your ex is not accepting personal responsibility for why your son is not settling well in to his extremely important formative years at school. Her actions and conduct may be causing him alot of unecessary stress and upset.

vanderlyle

make_me_wise wrote: »

I am a little concerned that your ex is saying lies to your sons school.

This seems odd to me for the following reasons. Officially there is no need for the school to know anything about you as you dont have 'parental responsibility'.

I am a year 3 teacher and it sounds to me as if they are picking up signals from your son that suggest he is emotionally troubled by all that is going on. It would be odd for a son with a strong bond with his dad, to be moved so far away with his mum telling awful lies to not be effected by it all.

It seems your ex is not accepting personal responsibility for why your son is not settling well in to his extremely important formative years at school. Her actions and conduct may be causing him alot of unecessary stress and upset.

Hi make me wiser, just to clarify I do have parental responsibility as I have shared residence, but my ex doesn't accept this and continually lies and tells people that I don't have parental responsibility. I have met with my sons teacher, and am regularly in contact with them - after providing them with copies of the court orders to prove that I am entitled to be involved in my sons education.

Everything is an uphill struggle where she is concerned.

The doctors have denied me any information regarding my son, despite them having received copies of the court orders because of the lies my ex has told them. She has made out that I am not meant to know where she is living because she fled the area as I was domestically abusive to her and my son, she has also received help from Victim Support too because of her lies.

I have recently found out in a initial assessment carried out in early August that the school recommended that my son be referred to CAMHS to deal with 'his feelings about contact' with me, as my ex had told the school that my son had been physically violent towards her after having contact with me!! Why can't people see that my sons 'violence' (if there is any) will be because of the upheaval she has caused him and the fact that she has prevented our contact.

It seems as though people can't understand why someone would tell so many lies, but the simple truth of it is that my ex likes the attention that her lies bring. She hasn't got much else going on in her life (especially now that my son is in full-time education) so the doctors/psychiatrist/victim support/social services appointments not only give her the drama and attention she craves but they also give her a purpose. She doesn't work and she has no friends of family in the area that she relocated to with my son.

It's important to add that she moved to Cornwall, as her new partner is living down there.. He is married with 3 children and had promised her he would move in with them when they relocated. I explained my concerns regarding this to our social workers last year but they simply said she wasn't doing anything illegal and that they weren't there to judge her morals. Although all I was concerned about was the instability and unsettled life this would bring about for my son. None of that apparently mattered though. No surprises, 6 months on... He's still living around the corner with his wife and kids and rarely visits my ex.

Wow, sorry for the ramble again!!

fluffnutter

vanderlyle wrote: »

I guess my question was more focussed on the emotional side of 'coping with lies and liars' than in a practical way, if that makes sense!

The way I look at it... I have only my own conscience to answer to. What does it matter what others say about me if I know it to be lies? I know it's rubbish and so do those who matter to me. It takes confidence to deflect the spiteful machinations of someone hell bent on hurting you, but confidence is all you need.

Remember that you're a good person - they're the bad guy - and carry on with your life.

HeadAboveWater

Are you sure your ex isn't my OHs ex?! :eek:

OH keeps telling me he could write a book. And I only know a little of all that went on. Much as it's tough on you (and my OH), it's really heartbreaking for the kids

Unfortunately if that is what she's like, you'll be in for a tough ride through life, as she'll throw obstacles in your way constantly. You will learn to expect them every so often, and much as it is a hassle to deal with the stuff and sort it out, remember your reasons for it all: your son. He's the important one in all this. You know it: she doesn't want to know it.

Stand your ground and fight for what you know is right. Keep up the good relationship with your son and when he's older he'll know who he can trust and depend on.

41_and_i_know_it

People lie when they panic and don't know what to do. She is confused and hurt/angry. The only consolation is that liars ALWAYS get caught out, so as long as you're not, you're okay. Note to self: this can take a long time but what goes around definitely goes around. Most liars have convinced themselves that they are telling the truth, and will forget what they have said so they get caught out.

Tuesday_Tenor

You story is a very sad one.
You ex doesn't have much of a grasp of reality, does she?

Doesn't seem to realise that telling lies and deceiving people have conesequences, when eventually found out. She obviously always knew/suspected you were not the biological father, but was prepared to use you as/pretend you were the father for several years. So you were, in effect, the boy's father from Day 1 ... and for evermore. You have parental responsibility. I assume you are paying maintenance for his upbringing? She can't now decide, just because she would rather you were no longer in their lives, that you will just disappear. She needs to accept the reality SHE has created.

Totally unreasonably, I almost feel a bit sorry for her. What a mess to have created! But she's done it and must deal with the consequences. And now, here she is again, carrying on with more lies and deceit! So she clearly hasn't learned any lessons. Sounds to me like she needs some support to sort her head out, but not sure what can be suggested from a distance, and clearly she wouldn't listen to you anyway.

We're only hearing your side, of course. But if there was any grain of truth in her allegations about you, then why did she remain amicable for a further 2 years? I totally accept your account of the situation Vanderlyle, and I feel for you. I don't have any practical ideas, but wanted you to know that people send their best wishes, hoping you can find the best way forward in all this. Of course it has got you down, and you are going to need to be strong, resourceful and reasonable throughout your lad's childhood, which won't be easy when dealing with his difficult-to-the-point-of-toxic mother. A sad mess. Hugs to you.