Twelve Weeks To Glow

beanielou

I dont want to actually loose anything else.
I am at my SW target and have been since August.
I am just trying hard to stay within the 3 lb leeway that you have IYSWIM?
I am always hovevring round the top of it.
I go to class & help with the shop so I dont srart to put it on again but it tis a wee bit of a battle TBH.

Jox

Haha, the next one is 28th Nov...I do notice a change in my mood and in others in the days around the full moon

I went to Cambridge with a friend of mine and at a bar seemed to attract the attention of 3 males of varying ages who wouldn't leave me alone despite me telling them I was married!

I must admit I was enjoying the attention and had a little flirt and dance, but had to be sensible and escaped with my friend at around midnight to a restaurant (we hadn't had dinner, that was our excuse!) where some very young men also proceeded to chat us up, another escape had to be made, with burger and chips to our lovely hotel!

Shh don't tell my husband!

Rainbow_Bridge

Day 50 of the 12 week challenge and 114/365 - 31.23%.

Good Morning world!

It's an early one, but I have a post in my head that I want to get out and I think it will be good for that last half stone, so here goes.

Yesterday made me realise that I am still carrying some hurt and bitterness around events of two years ago, and I want to release it, so I will work through it on Friday, with my friend, in an informal EFT session.

Ani, is right, when I was ill, I built this mental picture of a medieval stronghold, and I would move inside it, and bar the doors. All that was in there was a massive stone fire-place with a huge roaring fire, two Irish wolfhounds, who would patrol the inside and protect me, and this huge couch, covered in thick blankets.

I would mentally snuggle under the blankets and leave all thoughts outside, behind the barred doors. Those images gave me so much peace.

I was thinking tonight, "Do I want to return to my old faith"? but I have decided that I don’t. For me it proved to be a house built on sand, and under intense scrutiny and pressure, it disintegrated, and was of little help. I know it helps others tremendously, so I will try never to belittle it.

A comment on my last funeral parlour visit has been going around my head. The manager said that she would never have guessed that I was a mystery shopper, but she was convinced that I was a Humanist Minister. I thought that was an odd thing to say, but my aunt, is of that persuasion.

Robin, said something, a few weeks ago, about the person who raises you, before you are two, having a huge influence on you, and my aunt played this role. After I returned to my natural mother and father, my religious upbringing was of a much more fundamental nature and I always felt like a square peg in a round hole.

I don’t want to be a Humanist Minister, but there are seeds of a new faith, developing within me, peculiarly my own, and I am going to nurture it, and get my values sorted.

I want my house built on a rock mass, that can withstand the next storm that life inevitably sends, and I admire people who have got this aspect of their lives sorted, whatever direction it has taken them in, especially, as Ani, so wisely says, when they have had the courage to be true to themselves.

TTFN xx.

ani_26

What is the point of strife or transformation?

These days, an " act of god " can decimate everything you have ever strived for. Take hurricane sandy, for instance. Live in the minute?


Your pay on my credit card to get myself two free tickets post reminded me of all those work or social meals people go on. You know the type. Someone books the meal so they can procure a free meal for themselves.You can only come if you agree to split the bill, ( divide equally.) I've been accused of being tight, many times. But what if you don't have the funds and can't afford to socialise? My budget was for maybe one drink and the cheapest thing on the menu, ( not because thats what i wanted to eat.) Then, of course, you always get the people who order the most expensive things on the menu and have several courses plus at least one bottle of expensive wine for themselves, because other people were funding their meal. I stopped going on meals if i wasn't allowed to choose and pay for, my own meal. Cynicism huh, or fact? Sorry, i am just of " low mood " today.

NewLeaf_2

RB that brought tears to my eyes

Rainbow_Bridge

ani_26 wrote: »

What is the point of strife or transformation?

These days, an "act of god " can decimate everything you have ever strived for. Take hurricane sandy, for instance. Live in the minute?

Your pay on my credit card to get myself two free tickets post reminded me of all those work or social meals people go on. You know the type. Someone books the meal so they can procure a free meal for themselves.You can only come if you agree to split the bill, ( divide equally.) I've been accused of being tight, many times. But what if you don't have the funds and can't afford to socialise? My budget was for maybe one drink and the cheapest thing on the menu, ( not because thats what i wanted to eat.) Then, of course, you always get the people who order the most expensive things on the menu and have several courses plus at least one bottle of expensive wine for themselves, because other people were funding their meal. I stopped going on meals if i wasn't allowed to choose and pay for, my own meal. Cynicism huh, or fact? Sorry, i am just of " low mood " today.

Sadly, that is often the truth Ani! It's OK, type what you want, I don't think there has ever been anything that you have written that I haven't thought myself at one time or another.

I suppose it comes down to what we choose to focus on, for example in the case of Sandy, there are tons of examples of heroism along with all the inevitable looting and carnage.

Have you ever watched that film, 'Scent of a Woman', I found that so helpful when I felt really low and cynical, particularly the words.

"I always knew what the right path was; without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too... @#!*% ...hard".

It is so much easier to follow the crowd, but Ani, you have chosen to stand up for your principles, now it's time to find a way to be happy while you are doing that.

There are lots of people out there in situations far worse than your own who have chosen to focus on the positives, and find great joy in their lives, I am privileged to know a few of them.

If you choose to focus on the negatives, that is fine, but remember YOU HAVE A CHOICE. Now look who's being blunt xx.

Thanks Newleaf, I was actually thinking of you when I typed the end bit, I do admire you xx.

ani_26

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

Sadly, that is often the truth Ani! It's OK, type what you want, I don't think there has ever been anything that you have written that I haven't thought myself at one time or another.

I suppose it comes down to what we choose to focus on, for example in the case of Sandy, there are tons of examples of heroism along with all the inevitable looting and carnage.

Have you ever watched that film, 'Scent of a Woman', I found that so helpful when I felt really low and cynical, particularly the words.

"I always knew what the right path was; without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too... @#!*% ...hard".

It is so much easier to follow the crowd, but Ani, you have chosen to stand up for your principles, now it's time to find a way to be happy while you are doing that.

There are lots of people out there in situations far worse than your own who have chosen to focus on the positives, and find great joy in their lives, I am privileged to know a few of them.

If you choose to focus on the negatives, that is fine, but remember YOU HAVE A CHOICE. Now look who's being blunt xx.

Thanks Newleaf, I was actually thinking of you when I typed the end bit, I do admire you xx.

No i haven't seen the film and haven't heard of it.

I want to apologise for the post yesterday, and no, i didn't delete it, even though i could see what a shameful post it was, because i don't delete my thoughts, and what is frustrating as you know, is " that " conversation, i had with you. Is transforming yourself to " be " like everyone else, the answer?

Yes you are right and i should focus on the postives, ( and there are some, for now i have a roof over my head and a car which is either on or off the road, in terms of those materialistic possessions we all " require?") I'm far from having my health, as i still have to wait for an operation, ( on the nhs,) and i'm far from recovering from my breakdown, as every small thing about the world, literally irritates me. Because i want the world to be perfect, and everyone in it, perfect, ( and no, i know i'm not perfect myself,) but i truly struggle to cope with modern day life, and that's probably the top and bottom of it, and the struggle with actually wanting to be alive. It's not that simple is it, because i am ill? and it's not an excuse, there's still a battle to fight, in fact there are still battles to fight, and i am exhausted, and therefore probably shouldn't do anything.


I bought a book for 50p the other day, " Buddhist offerings 365 days, full of travel photography and meditations.


" We can awaken to basic goodness, our birthright."

Rainbow_Bridge

Reading the diaries, I recognise that everyone has a story to tell, I am just entering their story at different points, but what has become clear to me, is that few people escape major tragedy or adversity, at some point in their lives.

If the stress of the event does not destroy a person, and I can totally understand, and empathise with why it might, then it doesn’t need to be the end, the conclusion of the story, but it could be the opening of a new chapter.

My story has had as many twists and turns as any other, but it’s no better or worse than most. I am beginning to realise that I don’t really care anymore what anybody else thinks of me, as they don’t REALLY know me, what IS important to me is what I think of myself.

Overall I am really pleased that I had the humility to admit I was broken and the courage to fix myself and to transform into a person who is capable of moving forward again to continue the journey through life.

I don’t really want the ending to read, ‘And she became a selfish bas**rd, who only looked after number one, and because of that she lived happily ever after.’

Jesus didn’t say put others first, he actually said, ‘love your neighbour as yourself’, the better I look after myself, the better my neighbour is going to get treated.’ At burn out I had nothing left to give either of us.

The story of the good Samaritan, showed that neighbour’s were not supposed to be just other Jews. The Jews traditionally despised the Samaritans, yet provocatively, it was the Samaritan, that cared for the injured man, when the Levite priest looked the other way.

I think what I am trying to say, is that I think that Jesus was actually a revolutionary thinker, he showed great compassion for lepers, prostitutes, women, children, tax collectors, demon possessed people, the mentally ill and non Jews, most of whom had been written off by the society he lived in. I really like him.

These twelve weeks are about getting back to physical and mental good health. On that note I have started the 30 Day Shred, to last throughout November. I have been doing Custardy’s reps most mornings and I have decided that it is time to up the anti.

My favourite Jillian Michael quotes:-

“Selfish isn’t a dirty word. It means we take care of ourselves and are then able to give back.”

“You know when transformation happens? Right now, It’s a present activity. Who is the new you? Show me the new you.”

“Don’t blame anyone or anything for your situation or problems. When you do that, you are saying that you are powerless over your own life – which is utter crap. An empowering step to reclaiming your life is taking responsibility.”

“Be brave and be patient. Have establishment in yourself; trust in the significance of your life and the purpose of your passion. You are strong enough to sit in the space between spaces and grant divine inspiration to shed some light. When you place positive energy and productive effort into the world it will come back to you. Occasionally in ways you might not immediately comprehend and on a time frame you didn’t expect. Look. Listen. Learn. Stay open. Your destiny is awaiting you.”

She’s one scary woman, but I really like her too.

TTFN , I’m going away for a couple of days xx.

Rainbow_Bridge

:grouphug: ani.

Let's move on to the really important things ...... When are you getting your purple roots dyed?

You are a tough cookie, honey. An interesting, intelligent, free thinker and I bet your story is going to be an absolutely terrific one by the time the book is finished.

I must admit I am very partial to a happy ending though xxx.

Rainbow_Bridge

Day 55 of the 12 week challenge and 129/365 - 33%.

1/3rd of the way through the year already!!

November Plan

Similar to October plan, but I intend to stick to it this time.

Gym - £ 52.00
Food - £360.00
Misc - DS budget - £40.00
Entertainment - £40.00
Phone - £33.00
Diesel - £40.00
Hair Cuts DS and I - £65.00
Savings - £200.00
Weightwatchers - £20.00

PAYE earnings - £850.00

The major difference this month, is that the clothing budget for DS and I is being used for hair cuts, as we are both in need of a spruce up. I am getting my hair cut and highlighted next week.

DS is shooting up at the moment. He is only just 14 and already he is 5'7", with size 8 feet. I got him a smart and a casual coat, trainers, shoes, hat, scarf, gloves and fleece last month, for the £75.00 and I was pleased with that haul.

I have been through his wardrobe, and everything is just too small for him now. So this month he needs 2 pairs of trousers, white shirts and a new black jumper for school. Four casual pairs of trousers, one smart pair, 3 warm tops and 6 teeshirts, new socks, pants and vests :eek:.

I think I can sell quite a lot of his old clothes, as he didn't get a lot of wear out of them, due to this growth spurt. So my plan is to make his clothes cost neutral this month, through ebay sales, so ebay sales will not be included in the £10.00 a day plans.

I am taking part in the £10.00 a day challenge, and that £310.00 will go in the savings pot too, so a possible £510.00 savings this month.

My weight stayed the same last night, which I was quite pleased about, because I was away at the weekend, but I am going to put some effort in, this week, to losing another couple of pounds.

TTFN xx.