60 year old widow needs some advice to survive

McKneff

No offence to anyone but it annoys me that Scottish people can use their bus passes in England but us English pass holders cant use ours in Scotland:mad:

xylophone

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/TravelAndTransport/Publictransport/BusAndCoachTravel/DG_10036264
Who is eligible for an older person's bus pass
If you live in England, you'll be entitled to a bus pass giving free off-peak travel on local buses when you reach 'eligible age'. If you were born after 5 April 1950, the age you become eligible is tied to changes in the State Pension age for women. This affects both men and women.
If you were born before 6 April 1950
You're eligible for an older person's bus pass from your 60th birthday, if you were born before 6 April 1950.
Women born after 5 April 1950
If you're a woman born after 5 April 1950, you'll become eligible for an older person's bus pass when you reach pensionable age.
Men born after 5 April 1950
If you're a man born after 5 April 1950, you'll become eligible when you reach the pensionable age of a woman born on the same day.
You can check when you'll become eligible by entering your sex and date of birth into the State Pension age calculator.

SandraScarlett

pickpocketlocket wrote: »

The exemption is for those that have a severe mental impairment, so it may not cover everyone with Alzheimers, and it does also cover people with other impairments.

Hi, I think this might be another case of "it depends where you live". When I contacted the council, they took my DH's details, asked for the name of our GP, and then wrote to him for confirmation, that DH had Alzheimers. It was all done and dusted in about 10 days.

I don't know what constitutes severe mental impairment, but it would be impossible for my DH to be left alone for 2 minutes, as he's lost the concept of danger, and is unable to make the tiniest decision. Even my loo visits are no longer sacred!:o It's very much like living with a 74 year old toddler.

xx

margaretclare

sleepless_saver wrote: »

Yes. Not getting at you OP, but elderly to me is people over about 80 - and a lot of them would be cross to be called elderly. 60 is definitely middle aged these days!

I agree with this. I know people who would be indignant if they were labelled as 'elderly'. So would I, so would DH, and we'll not see 70 again! I disagree that 'they can tell your age from your voice'. DH used to work in a call-centre from age 62 to 67 and when talking to customers, occasionally he'd give the game away if someone mentioned where they lived and he said 'Oh I was evacuated near there.' 'Errrr.....?'

OP, if I can jump in with both feet and risk being 'nasty' - not my intention at all, but we've just had a long drive back from France. I think that your attitude does you no favours and will get you absolutely nowhere, either in getting help or in finding employment. You've already had a lot of helpful suggestions from people who know what they're talking about. As I said a day or two back, I was widowed and redundant at the same time, I had no money and I had a mortgage to pay. I did all sorts of things just to keep the roof over my head, literally anything legal and moral, I'd have done almost anything. Had I been living in rented accommodation and not with a mortgage I think I'd have had more flexibility. You don't need 2 bedrooms any more if you're living on your own - it may be possible to get sheltered accommodation, which can be quite nice and often, it's easier to get because fewer people want it.

I am surprised that you commented that you thought your daughter would never move out. That's what young folks do! You can't expect them to live with Mum for ever and ever amen, and keep on paying Mum's rent for her. They want to live their own lives, paddle their own canoe, plough their own furrow etc. Isn't this what we bring them up to do - to stand on their own two feet and be independent?

Sorry if this comes over as harsh, but I do speak from bitter experience.

melanzana

Daughter should help a bit more imv.

Is she aware of how difficult things are for you? Are you honest with her about your situation?

I know you probably don't want to load any guilt on her, but honestly, what daughter would not help out her mum in the circumstances you describe.

I know it's easy to generalise, but there's no way I could let my mum live the way you are without helping out.

Forget about all the benefits, moving, getting a job stuff. TALK to your daughter. She may be able to help big time to the benefit of all.

If not, well then it's Plan B. see above.

I wish you well.

starrystarry

melanzana wrote: »

Daughter should help a bit more imv.

Is she aware of how difficult things are for you? Are you honest with her about your situation?

I know you probably don't want to load any guilt on her, but honestly, what daughter would not help out her mum in the circumstances you describe.

I know it's easy to generalise, but there's no way I could let my mum live the way you are without helping out.

Forget about all the benefits, moving, getting a job stuff. TALK to your daughter. She may be able to help big time to the benefit of all.

If not, well then it's Plan B. see above.

I wish you well.

I'm not sure we can say that the daughter should be helping more without knowing both sides of the story. Perhaps she's genuinely not in a position to help. Perhaps there's more to it than we know (there generally is when you only hear a story from one person's perspective).

Marisco

I think it's a bit unfair to expect the daughter to pay for things. In the first post the op said that the daughter paid the rent and the bills, and the op only paid for food. Surely no one would expect the lass to carry on paying when she is, IIRC, saving to get married?

Maybe the problem is now, that previously, the op relied too much on the daughter and is now having a problem adjusting. The op has had some excellent suggestions, in fact it's given me some ideas!!

melanzana

starrystarry wrote: »

I'm not sure we can say that the daughter should be helping more without knowing both sides of the story. Perhaps she's genuinely not in a position to help. Perhaps there's more to it than we know (there generally is when you only hear a story from one person's perspective).

That may be true, but the op made a point that the daughter was helping by letting her use the laptop and buying some food.

But indeed, you may be right, we don't know everything about the situation.

I did not intend to offend, but just thought that the daughter might be able to help. My feeling was that maybe mum had not fully been honest with daughter about how bad things were.

Supposition on my part maybe.

But I still wish the lady well.

starrystarry

melanzana wrote: »

My feeling was that maybe mum had not fully been honest with daughter about how bad things were.

You might well be right.

oliveoil99

princessdon wrote: »

those on benefits don't get ALL their rent paid (they get an allowance, if your allowance, 1 bedroom tate covers rent then yes, but if not then they still have pay it).

Also people on benefits are from April expected to pay towards their CT (probably at the same rate you do).

Given what you have said - your only option is to move into somewhere less expensive as you clearly can't go on the way you are now.

Can you tell me this before I bid on a SH property I go into our BDirect to ask about the rent as some of the properties are sheltered housing over 55s so the rents can be quite high sometimes over £100 with charges for extra so how is it HA for social housing is higher than what they give for LHA in rented property meaning if I was ever successful with a bid would cost more than keeping me here.