Mother is coming!

ceebeeby

My mother, who lives 3000 miles away - has just declared she is moving to live in the same town as me this week.

I have seen her once, for 12 hours in the past 16 months. I speak to her about once a fortnight - and don't enjoy it!

Mother states she is lonely. As the most selfish, self-centred individual I have ever met, you must trust me when i say this is for her benefit and no-one else's, and it hasn't been for the lack of trying on the part of all her previous husband's and friends.

Even typing the words "she's coming" is giving me palpitations.

Any body got any ideas on ways in which I can avoid contact??

Hanging_by_a_thread

Move and this time dont give her your address or telephone number.

Seanymph

Be tremendously busy?

marisco_2

Your post gives us a small indication as to what your mum is like. I get the impression she could be a narcissistic personality and has probably made life extremely hard for you in the past.

You are an adult with your own independant life. Have a relationship with her only if you choose to. Just because she is moving to your town and feels lonely does not make you responsible for her.

I feel at some point something happened that broke any closeness you may once have shared. Make sure any contact is on your terms only.

BitterAndTwisted

Go ex-directory before she gets here and buy some blinds so she won't know that you're hiding behind the sofa when she knocks on the door.

Alternatively, you might consider being brutally frank about how you feel about her moving mere metres away before she firms up these plans.

Abbafan1972

you don't have to answer your door or phone to her. Just because she's moving close to you in distance, doesn't mean that you are obliged to be close to her emotionally.

Just carry on with your day to day business as you normally would, don't pander to her whines that she's lonely etc.

Mojisola

Read through this thread - https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3574175

Be warned and ready with methods of dealing with her before she starts on you!

Bennifred

Next time you speak to her, tell her that although you may not have mentioned it before because it was still in the planning stages, you will be moving away from your current home at some point. You are telling her now because you are concerned that she is planning her life around you, and that is not possible. So sorry!:p

Sambucus_Nigra

ceebeeby wrote: »

My mother, who lives 3000 miles away - has just declared she is moving to live in the same town as me this week.

I have seen her once, for 12 hours in the past 16 months. I speak to her about once a fortnight - and don't enjoy it!

Mother states she is lonely. As the most selfish, self-centred individual I have ever met, you must trust me when i say this is for her benefit and no-one else's, and it hasn't been for the lack of trying on the part of all her previous husband's and friends.

Even typing the words "she's coming" is giving me palpitations.

Any body got any ideas on ways in which I can avoid contact??

How big is the town?

Would you dare to say 'I'm not surprised you are lonely, you are the most self centred, selfish individual I have ever met and if you move here, we are moving away so don't bother'?

browneyedbazzi

ceebeeby - I don't know what the solution is but I feel your pain! I moved continents partially to escape from some members of my family and the idea of my mother re-locating to live near me is nightmare inducing!

I think if my mom announced such a move I'd have to be pretty clear with her that I have a very busy life so she couldn't count on my company to help with her loneliness issues. I'd do my very best to set clear boundaries about when it was ok to visit and for how long etc. (ie I only answer the door to pre-arranged visits so no dropping by unannounced).

ceebeeby

marisco wrote: »

I feel at some point something happened that broke any closeness you may once have shared.

Abandonment; manipulation; lies; aggression; coersion of other family members; complete disregard for anyone else; nasty comments about MY family, friends and her family, egotistical and a tendancy to put me down at any given occasion.

I think it started when I was about 8 and has carried on for the past 30+ years

For some reason however, she counts me as her closest family member. :cool: