Mother is coming!

londonsurrey

andyf3050 wrote: »

Hire a "cleaner"...!

Please may I have the number when you find one.

Dotty1

You need to get to the point where it doesn't matter what she does, it's how you deal with it emotionally. You need to really try to make her as small as possible in your mind, think things through and stick with it.

If you've really decided that she is a negative influence on your life then go with it. You could tell her how you are feeling and ask her to change in order for you to have any relationship with her :eek:

ceebeeby

Cyril wrote: »

I would fear she would start to form wedges between your current relationships and destroy what you have as she will be jealous. People like this are insidious you don't realise how bad things are because they creep up slowly and no-one notices because they appear charming to the outside world.

If your mother really is a narcissist she will have no understanding and recognition of how bad her behaviour is. It will always be something that didn't happen, wasn't said and always be someone else's fault.

You have summed up MY biggest fear perfectly, as well as described her perfectly (do you know her!!!)

The thing I am most worried about is the impact of her behaviour on Gran & kids.

diable

Just Say "NO"

alright let me rephrase that, be honest just tell her "over my f*****g dead body are you moving here to f**k up my life"

Tygermoth

^ what diable said.

Though phrased in an offhand I could not care less manner. If she really thinks it will ring your bell she will do it just to wind you up.

As another with a (borderline) NPD mother. I moved half way down the country to help break contact. Occasionally, if things are quiet on the theatrics front and she does not have someone who she’s 'fallen out with' she has threatened to move down here just to get a rise out of me and start a shed load of drama.

I have been saying to the OH we need to go international soon as she gets older (as the 'I’m getting old and you are obliged to help me comments have started to pop up)

Canada, I think

browneyedbazzi

Tygermoth - if you choose to move to Canada be very careful not to move in next door to my mother!

I went international at 23 and very bluntly told my mother that I won't be looking after her in her old age so she should make sure she's got some money in the bank to pay for a decent old people's home (given that she didn't really look after me when I was growing up I feel no guilt about this).

It isn't an easy thing to tell these people what you think/feel in the blunt way that you need to for it to sink in because they tend to be master manipulators and very good at turning things around to make you feel bad etc. My mom once told me that I should be grateful to a family member that she knowingly allowed to abuse me as a child because that experience helped to make me the person I am today...and she got really upset and tried to make me feel bad for 'making her cry' when I told her that was a disgusting thing to say and that the abuser is not entitled to any credit for my accomplishments.

I've managed to switch off to the emotional blackmail/manipulations now and I will be really blunt when I need to be, but it did take therapy and an international move for me to build up a decent new life without her.

ceebeeby - I do hope that your mother is making an idle threat in an attempt to stir up a bit of drama and that it won't actually happen.

londonsurrey

browneyedbazzi wrote: »

ceebeeby - I do hope that your mother is making an idle threat in an attempt to stir up a bit of drama and that it won't actually happen.

This just made me laugh in a really self depreciating way - it hadn't occurred to me that the mother didn't mean it, but could just be stirring up drama.

This is despite me thinking that I'd finally got the handle on my narcissistic mother(NM), and totally forgetting how they can just barefaced lie simply for the sake of it! DOH!

This just reinforces exactly how right it is to have severed ALL contact with my NM, because apparently, I can STILL fall for these
blatant untruths without it even occurring to me that you can't believe ANYTHING they say, which is plain silly, because they do it MOST of the time. Double DOH! :rotfl:

browneyedbazzi

londonsurrey wrote: »

This just made me laugh in a really self depreciating way - it hadn't occurred to me that the mother didn't mean it, but could just be stirring up drama.

I'm wise to these tactics! My mother threatens to visit me every now and then when there isn't enough drama around her but a visit rarely materialises. She has made good on the threat a couple of times though...just enough to make me wonder whether she really will turn up when she mentions a visit.

Mojisola

diable wrote: »

Just Say "NO"

alright let me rephrase that, be honest just tell her "over my f*****g dead body are you moving here to f**k up my life"

Trouble is, you can't stop her moving to the town you're living in if that's what she's decided to do.

diable

Mojisola wrote: »

Trouble is, you can't stop her moving to the town you're living in if that's what she's decided to do.

You can, just make sure the Police know the reg number of the car she is in and where the 2kg's of coke are hidden.