Mother is coming!

londonsurrey

ceebeeby wrote: »

For some reason however, she counts me as her closest family member. :cool:

Yes, you're still talking to her. :rotfl:

Run, run fast, run far.

kingfisherblue

Am I the only person who finds this thread rather sad? I can understand the OP's fears, and feel very lucky that my mum isn't like that at all. She lives in the next street to me, lives her own life, but is always there when I want or need her.

OP, I hope everything works out for you x

ceebeeby

kingfisherblue wrote: »

Am I the only person who finds this thread rather sad?

Nope ... me too!

I would have given anything (and I mean anything) ... to have a mother like yours.

londonsurrey

kingfisherblue wrote: »

Am I the only person who finds this thread rather sad? I can understand the OP's fears, and feel very lucky that my mum isn't like that at all. She lives in the next street to me, lives her own life, but is always there when I want or need her.

OP, I hope everything works out for you x

Oh yes, it's totally tragic. What should be the most precious of relationships, to have come to this crossroads where the daughter is probably going to have to call it quits to retain her dignity, self worth and sanity. And all because a woman is too selfish to be even half decent to her own daughter.

kingfisherblue

It just shows the damage that one person can do to another. I know I'm very lucky - I have a fantastic relationship with my mum (although there are times she drives me mad - I probably drive her mad too ). I also have a great relationship with my own daughter (and sons), and all my kids enjoy going round to my nan's house - even though they are 12, 14 and 21.

OP, I don't know if you have children, but if you do, at least you know how not to be a mother. Your own children will hopefully have a much better relationship with you than you do with your own mum. I hope that you have good friends to support you.

ceebeeby

I have an amazingly brilliant relationship with my children - we're all really close.

She says / does very pressured things to her mother (my Gran) to whom I am also close. As well as protecting me and the kids, I need to somehow protect Gran too.

Still hoping she discovers a last minute change of mind!

marisco_2

ceebeeby wrote: »

Abandonment; manipulation; lies; aggression; coersion of other family members; complete disregard for anyone else; nasty comments about MY family, friends and her family, egotistical and a tendancy to put me down at any given occasion.

I think it started when I was about 8 and has carried on for the past 30+ years

I had an awful feeling when I read your post yesterday that this may be the case. You have effectively been emotionally abused and neglected since being a young child. These are not the actions or behaviours of a mum that you need to show any loyalty to. It is no wonder you were having palpitations at the thought of her moving close.

It may be too difficult to phone and tell her to stay away and out of your life. I suspect the conversation would be traumatic and she would use it as an excuse to further hurt and upset you. I would urge you to write to her though. Tell her how she makes you feel and that you do not want any contact.

londonsurrey

marisco wrote: »

I would urge you to write to her though. Tell her how she makes you feel and that you do not want any contact.

This is excellent advice. Keep a copy, and send it by recorded delivery. Make sure you keep a copy of the signature of the recipient.

Cyril

If she has been this bad at a distance it can only get worse close up.

I would fear she would start to form wedges between your current relationships and destroy what you have as she will be jealous. People like this are insidious you don't realise how bad things are because they creep up slowly and no-one notices because they appear charming to the outside world.

If your mother really is a narcissist she will have no understanding and recognition of how bad her behaviour is. It will always be something that didn't happen, wasn't said and always be someone else's fault.

Give her a very wide birth in all regards.

andyf3050

Hire a "cleaner"...!