We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
Back to the ex - can it work?
Saturnalia
Posts: 2,051 Forumite
To cut a very long story short, I went to a gig last night and met my (kind-of) ex of 4 years ago. The old electricity was still there between us and we talked till the end of the night, then went back to his and sat up all night talking and talking some more, no monkey business, and went to sleep cuddled up to each other, again nothing more than some kissing and cuddling.
We originally went out together for just a month and in that month we only saw each other 3 times, including the night we got together in the first place. (We'd been getting closer as friends for a while before that.) The problem that broke us up wasn't anything we'd done wrong, it was his job.
He worked over 12 hours a day as it was and his company was based in the States, he was expected to be on call at all times and they would often call in the small hours of the morning with no respect for the time difference, that there was a problem with the servers that needed to be put right now (then he would still be expected in at the office for an 8a.m. start after next to no sleep). His role had expanded to the point that there wasn't time in the working week to do it all and he was often stuck working from home at weekends and into the night.
Whenever he made a date with me, something would come up at work and he'd have to cancel with about an hour's notice, or he'd turn up but be so exhausted and stressed he wasn't really there with me. And the stress level was really affecting his health too, he wasn't sleeping despite being utterly exhausted, had started ADs and was eating a rubbish diet, mostly at his desk, and drinking more than he should in an effort to unwind. I felt guilty about being another demand on his time and after a month of constant let-downs and feeling lonelier than I ever did single, I threw a tantrum and walked.
We've had the occasional FB chat in the last 4 years but hadn't seen each other IRL since last night. And now he has said that he regrets losing me, he thinks he's grown up a lot since then and things have calmed down "a bit" at work although he is still kept quite busy (frankly he's one of these that is so brainy that he needs to be constantly stretched and would go mad in a slower-paced job, gosh I know that breed so well!)
Blimey, I'm confused. One side of me thinks I'd be an idiot not to give it another go. I haven't met anyone else who I click so well with in the intervening years (I though I had recently but that man doesn't want to be with me so not a possibility), I'm single and not doing anything else with my love life, we gel so well, we care about each other, we see the world in the same weird way, we totally understand each other and the sexual attraction is definitely there - so why not?
But on the other hand, what has changed really? Am I going to be back here in a month whinging that I have a boyfriend I never see, trying and failing to distract him from his work and feeling worse than I did before?
We originally went out together for just a month and in that month we only saw each other 3 times, including the night we got together in the first place. (We'd been getting closer as friends for a while before that.) The problem that broke us up wasn't anything we'd done wrong, it was his job.
He worked over 12 hours a day as it was and his company was based in the States, he was expected to be on call at all times and they would often call in the small hours of the morning with no respect for the time difference, that there was a problem with the servers that needed to be put right now (then he would still be expected in at the office for an 8a.m. start after next to no sleep). His role had expanded to the point that there wasn't time in the working week to do it all and he was often stuck working from home at weekends and into the night.
Whenever he made a date with me, something would come up at work and he'd have to cancel with about an hour's notice, or he'd turn up but be so exhausted and stressed he wasn't really there with me. And the stress level was really affecting his health too, he wasn't sleeping despite being utterly exhausted, had started ADs and was eating a rubbish diet, mostly at his desk, and drinking more than he should in an effort to unwind. I felt guilty about being another demand on his time and after a month of constant let-downs and feeling lonelier than I ever did single, I threw a tantrum and walked.
We've had the occasional FB chat in the last 4 years but hadn't seen each other IRL since last night. And now he has said that he regrets losing me, he thinks he's grown up a lot since then and things have calmed down "a bit" at work although he is still kept quite busy (frankly he's one of these that is so brainy that he needs to be constantly stretched and would go mad in a slower-paced job, gosh I know that breed so well!)
Blimey, I'm confused. One side of me thinks I'd be an idiot not to give it another go. I haven't met anyone else who I click so well with in the intervening years (I though I had recently but that man doesn't want to be with me so not a possibility), I'm single and not doing anything else with my love life, we gel so well, we care about each other, we see the world in the same weird way, we totally understand each other and the sexual attraction is definitely there - so why not?
But on the other hand, what has changed really? Am I going to be back here in a month whinging that I have a boyfriend I never see, trying and failing to distract him from his work and feeling worse than I did before?
Public appearances now involve clothing. Sorry, it's part of my bail conditions.
0
Comments
-
No.
If anything had changed, don't you think he'd have found someone else in four years?
And drinking to unwind? Puhlease. Ive heard that one before.
It's a very very bad idea.I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
0 -
Saying that, I haven't found anyone else in 4 years either!Public appearances now involve clothing. Sorry, it's part of my bail conditions.0
-
Go on a few dates with him, but if he hasn't changed then end it pronto.0
-
How much have you thought about him in the last 4 years?0
-
How, in all honesty, is he an 'ex' if you went out with him for a month and only saw him 3 times?
Honey, the old spark was dim and is dim still. If there is a spark, and it is going to turn into a flame you would have put a bit more effort in back then. Both of you.
Forget it.Don't put it DOWN; put it AWAY"I would like more sisters, that the taking out of one, might not leave such stillness" Emily Dickinson
Janice 1964-2016
Thank you Honey Bear0 -
-
How, in all honesty, is he an 'ex' if you went out with him for a month and only saw him 3 times?
Honey, the old spark was dim and is dim still. If there is a spark, and it is going to turn into a flame you would have put a bit more effort in back then. Both of you.
Forget it.
^^^^^ This, sowwy.Raven. :grinheart:grinheart:grinheart0 -
Saturnalia wrote: »Saying that, I haven't found anyone else in 4 years either!
So he's Mr. Right-now then?
Quality - or nothing.
And I speak as a person who has been mostly single since Mr. Valli left (under a cloud). I did meet a 'pleasant' bloke. But it wasn't enough. I preferred to do without than make do.
(Mind you you missed the opportunity for a quick %^&*!):rotfl:Don't put it DOWN; put it AWAY"I would like more sisters, that the taking out of one, might not leave such stillness" Emily DickinsonJanice 1964-2016
Thank you Honey Bear0 -
all I can say is - give it a go, so what if it doesnt work out? are you worse off? you are different people to four years ago - you may well have both matured enough to make it work this time.
Good luck!0 -
Saturnalia wrote: »Saying that, I haven't found anyone else in 4 years either!
So what's different this time?
An extra element of desperation?
A lowering of standards?
A lack of AA batteries?
None of these are worth making do with someone who couldn't even make you feel special for a 4th date.I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.Yup you are officially Rock n Roll0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.6K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.3K Spending & Discounts
- 245.2K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.9K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.5K Life & Family
- 259K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.7K Read-Only Boards