Mean or a kick in the right direction

podperson

Sorry I don't agree with any of the options.

OP I think you need to separate out two different issues here. If your OH doesn't want to drive then that's his choice and tbh I think it's a little selfish for you to pressurise him into learning just because it would make things more convenient for you.
On the other hand it's your choice whether to give him lifts to places. There's no point feeling resentful about something that you are agreeing to. If you don't want to drive him somewhere then simply say no and he will have to make alternative arrangements like take the bus. If you want to drink as well when you go out, then say so and get a taxi home. If you didn't want to drive down to Liverpool then there are coaches and trains.

I don't drive, I don't really have the money spare and tbh I don't really want to at the moment. However, I never ask or expect lifts from anyone. I take public transport, including the train when visiting family across the country every few months.

With regards to this weekend, this was something you can both agreed and booked so if it was me I would be helping him to look at trains or coaches and trying to find someone to take the spare ticket. If you don't feel able to drive due to the accident then stick to that as the reason and discuss your issues with giving him lifts at a later date - so you don't come off as trying to 'teach him a lesson' for not having learnt to drive beforehand.

Oh and I'm sorry but I found the pregnancy thing a little baffling. A good friend of mine has had her 5th child this week, neither her or her OH drive and I must admit it never occurred to me to ask her. 'how on earth did you possibly manage to get to the hospital without a car?' :rotfl:

CheeseCat

Agreed with the above (sorry forgotten username)

It's not fair to agree to take him on this trip and go with him and now you want to not go to teach him a lesson?

If you want him to learn to drive, stop saying yes (and cite the reason if you want him to know its cause you think he should learn) rather than letting him buy expensive football tickets, promising to take him and then saying you don't want to go!

themull1

Just go with him! You're going to have to drive before long anyway.

LisaLou1982

Hi OP

Just my perspective. My ex OH didnt drive. He lived 45 min drive from me and used to have to get 2 buses if he wanted to come and see me which was a pain and therefore meant that i spent most of the time driving, or picking him up when the buses didnt link and he got stuck somewhere (small town, rubbish transport)

It used to really irritate me about the driving - he said he didnt like it etc, which is fine, but what he failed to understand was that whilst i drive for a living (30,000 miles a year) and i dont mind doing it, i do mind that it is always me, and that noone is there to share it. Likewise, non drivers never seem to appreciate the cost of running a vehicle, particularly when its your OH!!!

In the end, i bought him the first 4 driving lessons for Xmas one year and told him that i was sick of the fact he couldnt drive, it was selfish, he would need it for work one day and if anything ever happened to me whilst we were away, there would be noone to be able to drive the car/get us home. The fact he didnt have a car didnt bother me at all.

As it was, he sucked it up, learnt to drive and passed first time

chewynut

There are two sides to this.

One, he is being very selfish by expecting you to drive him. If he doesn't drive then he should make his own arrangements. My almost 23 year old best friend stopped driving for some reason. He expects his parents, his ex-girlfriend and sometimes myself to ferry him around everywhere even when there's a bus.

On the other hand, when you don't drive for whatever reason, it is so damn annoying to be constantly lectured by people who feel superior because they can drive and think they have the right to constantly belittle you because you can't/won't drive. Not everybody wants to be in charge of a tin can of death that pollutes the atmosphere and guzzles your money.

Fuzzy_Duck

I don't drive either. It's not because I'm lazy- it's simply something I have no interest in. I walk, take the train or the bus, and if I'm desperate I'll get a a taxi. I genuinely have no need to drive a car at this moment in time, and it wasn't that long ago that people coped perfectly well without one. Besides, I save a lot of money by not having a car.

He probably figures that as your OH, you're happy to drive him around. I can understand that to a degree, but I also understand that you feel taken for granted and you don't want to drive after the accident. I don't see how he can't accept that- it's only natural that you want a break from it.

It's a shame, and I can see why he would be upset, but in the circumstances he'll just have to deal with it and make alternative arrangements.

I didn't vote as your options are aimed at getting him to drive- in my opinion it should be about him respecting your wishes on this occasion and not always assuming you'll drive him somewhere. There are plenty of other transport options available so I don't see why he should learn if he doesn't want too. Personally I'd feel less inclined to learn to drive if I was being nagged.

1940sGal

Hmm, wonder if the OP's boyfriend is called Sheldon Cooper?

embob74

I had a car accident and was pushed into getting back to driving quite quickly and I realise now that it was definitely a case of "getting straight back on the horse". If you are just nervous about driving again you will have to conquer that fear sooner or later.
However if you are struggling physically to drive then you do need to wait until you are better. Bear in mind it will look quite deliberate if you are citing this reason not to drive to the footy match but are quite happy to drive elsewhere (although I do think it is a long way to go so soon after the accident).
I agree with others that your bf not being able to drive is a separate issue from you driving him everywhere. I know many couples where only 1 partner drives and they are quite happy with the situation.
Both me and my OH drive but if we go somewhere where alcohol is being served then I usually don't drink so OH can and I drive home. I don't drink much anyway so it doesn't bother me but I know if I told OH I fancied a drink and he would have to drive then he would.

I think the issue is the relationship doesn't feel equal which is something that is best addressed calmly and without resentment.

embob74

Btw my OH would drive your bf to John O'Groats and back if there was a ticket to watch Liverpool play in it for him lol

b_girl

1940sGal wrote: »

Hmm, wonder if the OP's boyfriend is called Sheldon Cooper?

Hehe this made me laugh! Though can't imagine Sheldon wanting to go to a football match! Probably more like a physics/comic convention :rotfl: