Guests not trying (outfit)

Dekazer

Whilst it's not traditional to include a dress code on a wedding invitation, if you're deviating from the norm (e.g. having black tie) it might be advisable.

If it's not on the invitation I would expect to wear a smart frock (with or without head gear, depending on the outfit) and OH to wear a morning wear or suit. We would only deviate from that if asked, and I would never wear white or cream.

Having said that, if a wedding was on a beach we'd probably ask the bride and groom what they preferred

At our wedding we didn't specify, and everyone made a lovely effort. In the evening it was much more relaxed, and anything went!

chocolatefairybride

Im putting the dress code as - Dress to impress - people can interpret that in what ever way they like im not expecting sequins and feathers though just for people to make an effort and be happy with what they are wearing.

Idiophreak

Just caught up with this thread and it's quite an interesting read.

TBH, I feel quite sorry for the people on here who think they'll waste money on an outfit they'll never have the chance to wear again...I mean, do they really have so few friends that they're never expecting to go to another wedding, they never expect to attend a funeral, they've got no interest in job interviews...or even just don't anticipate having any occasion to go out for a nice meal with friends, or OH etc? To be honest, I just don't believe it.

The people I've seen dressed scruffy at weddings aren't people who can't afford it or have other issues. They're people who either a) just don't care or b) have never been told they're supposed to care.

I've nothing against jeans...and I think you can look quite smart in jeans and a shirt...*if you want to*...the point is, people just aren't making the effort to *try* and look smart.

People wore a variety of stuff to our wedding, but pretty much everyone looked like they'd made an effort to try and look nice, which I think is the main thing...

Birdie85

Idiophreak wrote: »

TBH, I feel quite sorry for the people on here who think they'll waste money on an outfit they'll never have the chance to wear again...I mean, do they really have so few friends that they're never expecting to go to another wedding, they never expect to attend a funeral, they've got no interest in job interviews...or even just don't anticipate having any occasion to go out for a nice meal with friends, or OH etc? To be honest, I just don't believe it.

I have to agree with this! It's so sad if it's true too, I'd hate to have a life where I just sit around in jeans all day, never going to parties or restaurants where I'm required to look nice! But then I'm a girly girl who loves to dress up (but I'm not one for spending a fortune on clothes, I love charity shops and Dorothy Perkin's sale page when there are extra money off vouchers and free delivery codes about too!. I've had some wonderful dresses for less than £10 and people always comment on them. I remember my Mum saying to me, when she was buying me a dress that I claimed I'd never wear, 'Make the occasion. If you want to dress up then just go for it, no matter where you're going!' and I still do that now.

As for guests not making an effort at weddings, this annoys me TBH. I know it's not very PC and I should be nice and say, 'As long as they're there that's all that matters' but I don't feel that way. You usually get plenty of notice when attending a wedding so there's little excuse for not making the effort to find something nice to wear, expecially nowadays when there are a multitude of online shops to choose from as well as ebay.

At my brother's wedding his wife's best friends turned up wearing the type of clothes I'd wear to work, and I don't get particularly dressed up for work. This was a posh country hotel do where everyone had dressed up to the nines and they stuck out like sore thumbs, I'd feel sorry for them but they had over a year's notice and knew what the other friends and family would be wearing so why the drab outfits? At a friend's wedding a couple of weeks ago most of the people there had made a real effort to dress up, but one girl turned up in a white dress, despite me saying to her months ago that it's really not appropriate to wear white to a wedding! :P

My wedding was very small as it was abroad and even a couple of the guests there disappointed me with their outfit choices. Because there were only 15 guests I wanted the party to make an impact and asked the men to wear neutral colours and the ladies to wear bright colours. Of course, one uncle wore a bright blue shirt and one of our friends wore a nude dress! Kind of spoilt the effect I was going for Not a massive deal and if we'd had a big wedding I wouldn't have been so fussed about what everyone looked like, but it sticks out when there aren't very many people in the 'big' group photo and there are 2 people not following the theme. Petty I know, but my chilled out wedding really didn't give me many chances to get stressed or bridezilla-ish so I had to get annoyed about something! Of course, the most important thing is that these people were there with us and I value them for coming... I just wish I'd been allowed to dress them! :rotfl:

Fuzzy_Duck

kitschkitty wrote: »

A different angle is that some people have mental health issues (among other things) and so might not be washed and attired properly.

And does anyone else remember the thread where the bride specified no facial hair and a really crazy dress code too?

I have a mentally ill aunt who attended a funeral in a jumper, shorts and sandals. She hadn't washed or brushed her hair and she had really long, yellow toenails on show to the world too. She's a hoarder so I expect she just threw on whatever clothes she could find.

Having said that, I'm guessing the bride and groom would know whether their guests had mental problems and this probably is a case of people simply wearing what they felt comfortable in. We all have different standards of what's 'effort' after all. I think we can all agree a onesie is inappropriate though!

If anything I have too many posh dresses I never get to wear. I bought a designer dress from a charity shop a few years ago and I've worn that to the last two weddings I've been invited to. It was only £12!

Thinking about it I imagine a lot of the irritation is how confident the under dressed people are with their choice. If you've made an effort, and find the majority haven't bothered, you're going to feel over-dressed even though you're the one dressed appropriately. It's a bit like attending a fancy dress party in a costume and finding most people couldn't be bothered and came in their own clothes. They're the ones that should feel the odd ones out, and yet it's you that ends up feeling uncomfortable the whole night.

citizenkitten

I believe it should depend on the opinion of the bride and groom. If they feel that it is unacceptable that you wear jeans then dont wear them. you should know the bride or groom well enough to establish this. you are after all being photographed in general that whole day, so for them there will be a permanent reminder of you in your jeans at their special day.

the bride or groom or who else has probably spent hours stressed deciding on colour schemes and decorating places etc and making you feel as the guest that you are welcome and cherished as an invittee. so why would you disrespect that? by being overdressed or underdressed.

if they are a jeans kind of wedding then although i would feel slightly unnatural in more casual clothing, i would dress to their style. i wouldnt want to stick out like a sore thumb in their photos or making others feel uncomfortable. the bride should be the stand out figure and if i am there in a floor length gown - it may detract from her which is just beyond rude.

Also i would never risk possible offence people's religon/culture or places of worship. I would never wear bare shoulders to a catholic wedding, even if it didnt offend the bride or groom, it could offend their mother or annoy the priest from doing his job. Nor would I ever wear anything above the knee at any religious ceremony just in case.

I would put as much effort as i could to show how much i appreciated being invited and having money spent on me being there.

everyone has the ability to save £15 for the purchase of a wedding outfit, (even to be able to enter for the loudiest hawaii shirt!) you are always given plenty of notice and if you cant buy anything then why not borrow an outfit? even I the grumpiest most miserable b!!ch in the world have 2 [STRIKE]victims[/STRIKE] friends that i could borrow from.

Frankly if you cant do this then truly do you actually care enough about the people who invited you to attend?

If i went to someones wedding I care enough about them to make the effort for their day and not my needs and comfort.

although on the point of smartness, hats whilst welcome, past a certain size are hideously rude as you may obscure view of the ceremony or in general ruin photos.

1st post. rant over.

cabriolean

Asda sells 2 for £2 plain white shirts, age 15-16 fits most adult women going off height and is slightly baggy on me (I'm a size 12-14), surely they can borrow dark jeans or a suitable skirt or something from somewhere, the shirts can be worn elsewhere....... Surely with some warning they should be able to find a spare £2 and turn up clean and tidy?

ouchy2012

I do not see anything wrong with men wearing jeans and a smart shirt even for the ceremony but then that is just my opinion BUT if the men turned up in tracksuits and trainers then i would find it disrespectful. Just as i wouldn't expect a female to turn up in trainers, boob tube and mini skirt

How exactly were these people dressed? I am imaging some girl with greasy locks, in bright pink track bottoms and t-shirt with some kind of obscene words on :rotfl:

fixx

I haven’t read the whole thread, so not sure if it was mentioned – but it’s not necessary to buy a new outfit if people don’t have something in their wardrobe, they could borrow from a friend as well. I have loads of dresses I’m more than happy for friends to borrow as I just don’t wear them enough, and my friends + sisters, cousins etc frequently borrow amongst each other – even with different shapes and sizes, you can often find something, and it’s a whole new outfit for the day for free

Our next borrow/swap session will be very shortly, as we have a black-tie xmas do coming up, I can’t wait!

heartbreak_star

I attended a wedding at the weekend, wearing a dressy top and my smart work trousers. OH had a suit, with a tie to match my top

I agree with "making an effort" with clothes - and grooming is paramount - for the ceremony, but the evening do is usually a lot more relaxed.

HBS x