i think my marriage is breaking up

choccyface2006

Hello Em,

Maybe the way he is behaving is his way of coping with what must be a very stressful time for both of you?

I had a similar experiance a few years ago, I had a large tumour removed from my neck with a 50% chance of being cancer and had an agonising wait to find out. It was mixed (Benign but could turn cancerous, thank god) but my husband was in denial, saying its fine, nothing to worry about, where as I was so upset and stressed and thought he didn't care. It was his way of dealing with it and he was as relieved as me with the result.

I hope you can work it out, maybe when you have the results and you know what if anything you are dealing with.

Good luck with today *hug* Let us know how you get on.

Sarah x

em84_2

Morning all
went back to bed for a hour. lazy i know. thank you everyone for there support
means the world to me.

em84_2

does anyone know much what they do today? Letter say i am going for a scan, is that it? do they do more test or something? doctor was not very helpful

hobo28

choccyface2006 wrote: »

Maybe the way he is behaving is his way of coping with what must be a very stressful time for both of you?

I would agree with that comment. The fact he's coming with you and is phoning etc. is his way of showing he cares.

The wife of a good friend of mine found a lump last year and they went through something similar. She accused him of being unsympathetic and was terribly upset by the lump and her husband's attitude. His stance was well until we know there's nothing we can do so life must go on.

Like The_Geek says, men deal best with problems they can fix. We're useless at emotional stuff. That's what female friends are for!

hobo28

em84 wrote: »

does anyone know much what they do today? Letter say i am going for a scan, is that it? do they do more test or something? doctor was not very helpful

I would guess that its a scan then the doctor may or may not give you the results there and then. If they don't then push them for when they will have the results and call them then.

Remember, this is your life but to them its just another day in the office.

em84_2

i trying so hard not to think bout it then it pop up again. hubby sent a text say "" i love you forever dont know what to say to you incase i say the wrong thing ""
and i think ur right he dont know what to say or do. he never had to deal with this.

MrsTinks

Well sounds to me like he is just struggling to find safe topics and not hurting you. He obviously loves you but is afraid to say anything that might upset you further and so you're gettin mad at him, he doesn't know what to say that won't make it worse so says nothing and it becomes a catch 22
I think at the end of this the two of you will be even stronger than before, because hopefully this has taught you both to communicate more. Yes he needs to be there for you, but you also now maybe understadn better why he has reacted the way he did? I bet you he is just as scared as you are but he simply doesn't know what to do and feels helpless... Just like i bet you do But it's not his body and there is nothing he can do or say and he must feel very powerless because if he is anything like my OH then he wants to protect you and this time he can't...

Men... you can't live with them and you miss them when they're not around

Good luck for the hospital

full-time-mum

em84 wrote: »

dont know what to do !! sitting here in tears

I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems:grouphug:

You are both in a confused state but it doesn't sound as if either of you wants to just give up. He may have moved out but he did say he loves you.

How about suggesting that you go to relate? Talking to each other with a bit of neutral, professional help my be all that is needed to get back on an even keel and if you do split then at least you will know that you tried and won't be wondering what if...

Good luck with the tests today - even though I don't know you, I'll be thinking of you and sending postitive vibes - there but for the grace of god and all that - it could happen to any of us.

gingercordial

Oh you poor thing. It does sound like he loves you and doesn't know how to deal with it. My OH gets very stressed and angry if I have a problem that he can't solve - he really does seem to see it as his duty to deal with things and I'm told this is very typical male behaviour.

Just one thing - you told him you don't want him to get you a birthday present? But you hope he does? Then I don't think you'll get one unless you tell him you do! He's not a mind-reader and he is very likely to take you at face value. If you want him to do something nice for you, please tell him, as he won't guess, especially since both of you are stressed at the moment.

Good luck with the tests today!! We are thinking of you.

Bendybops19

I hope the tests all go well for you.

Your hubby sounds as though he is having a tough time too - the person he loves has a lump, thats got to be hard to deal with.

He also sounds as though he is a loving guy, you both just need to talk xxx