when you reach breaking point

tryingtobethrifty

Gailey - I could nearly cry reading your post, it's so like me. I wish we lived closer and we could meet and talk properly. I have three kids and my husband is in a good job but works shifts so hard for me to get a job too as no family close by. Everyone thinks we're "minted" when in reality I work hard to keep our budget low.

The mum's in our school are dressed impeccably at the gates and have lovely cars. I was really feeling down about it and got to the stage where I thought I'm just going to have to buy a posh top from ebay to fit in. How sad is that? At my age! Then when I got talking to them, one of them was selling their house to get a smaller one, they had bought those cars on credit cards and the posh outfits were from ebay or warehouse sales. Sometimes looks deceive.

This week my car broke and we live in the country so need it. The bus costs £6 a day, I was shocked. All the Old Stylers will like this... we went to get a new (to us) car and said we didn't want a new one (depreciation etc, not wanting to say we couldn't afford a brand new car) and the man said "why would you use your savings to buy a car when you can use our money?", ehm because you will charge us interest and we've got some money..."yes, but our interest is only 7% and you could have a new car".... but that'd cost thousands!! Where do people get that money from? I came home annoyed, no car and another week of making do with our transport problem.

I hear what you say about being the squeezed middle and having no disposable income too, I feel like this daily, but if I moan people point to dh's job. I know we're lucky to have a roof over our heads, lovely children, food etc but sometimes you just need to have a moan and someone to listen - that's what's great about the Old Style forum.

Sorry, I've rambled on, I actually just wanted to say that you sound like a wonderful mum and that you're not alone in how you feel. I'm sending a big hug your way and wishing I could take you for that cup of hot chocolate/tea x

monnagran

I'd just like to update all you kind people who were concerned about the man who came to our Drop-in with only the clothes he stood up in.

He came again last night and fortunately another voluteer was there who actually works for an organisation run by the council. The vounteer spent ages talking to him and the upshot is that he may be able to pull strings and get him somewhere to live. I've told him that wherever he gets, there will be lots of little things he needs - I'm thinking towels, bedding etc. Fortunately I know I've only to put the word out to the churches in our area and the donations will flood in. There is a great well of kindness and willingness to help out there and it just has to be tapped into. Anyway, one very happy gentleman left last night with his bag of food ( he kept asking if it was really all right to take it because there must be people who needed it more than him! He who has nothing!)

Also, the volunteer was about to go after the council employee who was so rude and unhelpful. Good.

Just thought you'd like to know.

gailey_2

Trying to be thrifty dident mean to make you tearful:(

I hope I dont sound more grumpy and whiney than I actually am.

Just some weeks more frustrating than others.

I find whats best is keep myself busy.

so trying to declutter,organise and decorate house -always on going.

with 3kids its hard keeping up with laundry as have washing machine on 3-5times a day.

we on our 2nd 2nd hand washer in a year.
We coouldent live without our drier.
would love dishwasher but no room.

Our house feels worse as its open plan lounge diner-every time kids eat its like feeding time at zoo.
very small kitchen and bathroom.
The bedrooms quite small baby has the box.

my 3 are 6, nearly 3 and 16months.

eldest does few activities and hobbies which cost money but we dont mind paying for that in way would rather spend on taht than loads of pressies as shes made so many lovley freinds and wants to do music next. We also anything educational spend on as thats investment in their future.

we run 2cars people carrier-as fits double buggy and all of us including 14year old stepson.

Also have small car -inherited and cheap to run, dh likes it as backup car as we been very unlucky with cars and accrued quite a bit of debt with last car. when I got small inheritance I brought the new car.Just wish I could drive it, oh well one day not like go far anyway.

I love being a mum but miss having 2nd income and just adult company really. hoping to find something to tide us over.

Over the last few years we been hit by car trouble, job troubles thats all contributed to where we are now we dident go out and blow it on fancy things just been rising costs of living.

If we dident have kids I guess we be better off but always wanted them all 3planned and they been so rewarding glad dident wait ofr we wouldent have the little individuals we have now.

They cheer me up.
They push me to be more positive and optimistic and stop us dwelling on things.

looking foward to aut/winter as love

walks in the wood.

halloween
bonfire night

xmas.

Our schools ok real mixed bag few glam mums.
everyone keeps to own groups.
nativity the fancy cameras come out and sports day patio furniture and gazebos.

im on pta so donate my time which is far more valuable than money and keeps me involved.

I do however need box hairdye and reheel some boots before go back and maybe squeeze in odd bargain hunt as think mummy needs back to school wardobe too.

My aims over next few months are

stay frugal
be on time and organised
keeo to routines
stay positive and keep myself busy.
enjoy the family.


Monnogran thats fab news-such kindness out there.
Think theres so many people in trouble.
watched programme about food banks in uk.

few years ago cant rememember which board could have been dfw had thread on the secret poor. was interesting.

Butterfly_Brain

monnagran
Thanks for the update that is great news. :j
Council jobsworths get right up my nose :mad: they forget that they are dealing with a human being not a bloomin' number.

chirpychick

Sorry I don't remember who said this

And now the children of those people are reaching adulthood. They don't really know how to cook because mum bought frozen ready meals and/or opened a jar instead of cooking from scratch ("too time consuming"). They can't sew or knit or crochet, because they were never taught ("only poor people make their own clothes"). They're not too sure about DIY skills, either, because it was "easier to get a man in to do that sort of thing". As for basic motor maintenance, "isn't that what the garage is for?".

But it is SO true!

I am 27, learning to cook from scratch, have 3 pairs of trousers I need to sew (2 hubby's work, 1 mine) but don't know how, can knit a scarf if I follow tutorial on YouTube but took me a year!
My mum and dad are both very wasteful!
They both work great jobs (well dad is recovering from major surgery right now but I'm meaning before that).
They spend a fortune on alcohol, social engagements, designer clothes, fuel for their posh cars etc I know my mum will only shop in posh shops wouldn't hesitate spending £200 on a handbag but I am 99% sure from bits she has said that she is in a lot of debt.

She taught me really to spend!

When I got married, I married an amazing man the same age as my dad with the same kind of spending attitude. So between us we racked up roughly 60k of debt by the time I was 25 I was having no choice but to apply for an IVA!!

Now the past 18 months we are both learning new skills, learning to budget and sometimes life is miserable. We have a panic how we will survive when our baby comes along but I know we will, we get more and more resourceful thanks to people on mse!

Our debt is our own fault without a shadow of a doubt and I feel guilty about it all the time, but I am also so proud of us and how far we have come and what we have achieved!

So many people now ask me for financial advice!!

All we can do is our best, keep learning new skills, teach others, learn from others and as long as we have a roof, clothes (even old torn ones) and a half full belly we will be ok.

Thank you for this thread and reassuring me I'm not alone in trying to keep us above water

nlj1520

Morning, I have jsut read the last few threads and wonder if gailey and those who feel as low as her have told their doctors how they are feeling? I'm not suggesting a simple pill-popping fix, but if the strain of modern life is leading to clinical depression then it could be that help is needed?
Don't want to interfere, pre-judge the issue or anything, but having had post-natal depression that went indiagnosed for 2 years and having had bouts of depression ever since (my son is now 20) I would hate anyone else to go untreated. I didn't realise I was depressed the first time it happened.............just felt very anxious and exhausted the whole time. Made sure I kept busy, but was battling inside as I was ansolutely exhausted.............even changing a nappy felt like a huge effort. A friend spotted what was going on and encouraged me to let a doctor assess what was going on. After a short time of taking the tablets I really did feel like the old me.
So, I would encourage those feeling hopeless, exhausted or anxious and where this is every day for a good few weeks to talk to their doctor.
All the very best to you all.

7_week_wonder

monnagran wrote: »

I'd just like to update all you kind people who were concerned about the man who came to our Drop-in with only the clothes he stood up in.

Apologies for butting in - I've been following the thread but don't often post but I'd like to ask some advice. I would like to help our local food bank, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Do people think they could use volunteers, I don't think I've got any particular skills they might need - but I can follow instructions! Or would I just be more useful asking what stuff would be most needed by them and picking it up on my weekly shop. All advice gratefully received.

Sneaks back off to lurking......

GreyQueen

7_week_wonder wrote: »

Apologies for butting in - I've been following the thread but don't often post but I'd like to ask some advice. I would like to help our local food bank, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Do people think they could use volunteers, I don't think I've got any particular skills they might need - but I can follow instructions! Or would I just be more useful asking what stuff would be most needed by them and picking it up on my weekly shop. All advice gratefully received.

Sneaks back off to lurking......

It could be either or both, it would be best ot ask your individual foodbank.

Some of my fellow council employees also helped out at a collection drive at one of the big supermarkets, so there may be a chance to fill that role, as well, on an occasional basis.

Good on ya for thinking of it.

gailey_2

Nlj-Thanks for idea. my youngest is 17months old now times flown.
I do think some days im a little depressed but not all i think natural to have ups and down.

I analysed it in great detail and think the down days are more related to stress and money. so worrying how we afford unexpected bill.
worrying what postie might bring or hubys credit card company that sometimes ring 20times in aday from 8am until 11pm at night.
I alsi think long hours hubby works combined with me 3kids and no help =tiredness which takes its toll.

But I never had kids to palm them off just envy people who get so much support and my support structure locally consists of few unrelaible freinds and many freinds and family dont have kids.

Chirpy chick- good luck with baby they can be done very cheaply.
My mums a spender and designer lady always out.
I self taught myself my cooking from books and sewing.
My nan was good at embroidery and knitting but no matter how much tried couldent learn.

Im trying to teach my 3kids valuable lessons.

I think back to hwo wasteful we were pre kids.
how we could have saved more or gone to more places.
Our money troubles started once we had kids as easy to undestimate costs loss of income was hardest and childcare.

I am quite positive that once we out of debt we will build up savings and live quite a nice life we just have to be patiant.
If we live like we live now we could be millionaires by time of retirement!

I try not to plan too far ahead and just enjoy the moment.
My kids are so much fun love watching them turn into little individuals and achieve stuff.

re foodbanks think ours has drop off points.
trussel trust biggest one so maybe look online.

i will be doing xmas for homeless bag and shobox appeal this xmas again.

just dowloaded pics of summer and although we dident do as much as we wanted this year and dident spend much we had fantastic time.

chirpychick

I know that the DM are a scaremongering newspaper, but has anyone read their article about the cost of food sky rocketing that was on there this morning? It does worry me so much!
My first port of call is Freecycle to see if I can get a freezer and maybe even a breadmaker!